Reviews of What in this world! Oh... Wait a minute. It's another world.
What in this world! Oh... Wait a minute. It's another world.
DeJeL
- Overall Rate
- Writing Quality
- Updating Stability
- Story Development
- Character Design
- world background
I'm not good with plots, but in terms of writing quality, I can judge. 1. There are grammatical errors than can confuse readers. The tenses and misplaced modifiers for example. 2. Your paragraphs are too long, it can be separated. 3. You are too abrupt in changing scenes, I see no transitions. I am not an expert and I can't see through all your errors but i hoped this helped you.
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First of all, the writing style was confusing. It's unusual, mixed of tenses, incorrect grammars, etc.. fortunately it's still understandable. Updates wise, this one is currently in hiatus so I would have to give u 3 stars for now. Well, that's all for the bad things. The good things are I like the story development and world background. This novel is unique and rather well paced. Character design was ok.
It is a good try to write a good story. Like most of the comments and reviews i would also like you to not to write dialogues in the paragraph. Some times it feels rushed and it looked like you wanted to move on the next scene too fast. You should not fret over writing a new chapter just to extend the scene. BTW i am not saying it is not good but opposite. I like it very much. Hopefully you will continue it again.
Don't trust my review, This is a review based only around 5 chapters + prologue If you want my honest opinion Writing Quality - 3/5 - Was going to give a 2/5, but seeing the improvement from chapter 5 I gave another. Text blocks, speech tags, dialogue issues followed by rough transition. One notable example is where one character talks with modern day English but when you switch the point of view to him, it becomes thee olden form Stability of Updates - 4/5 - Seeing the intervals where the chapters were made, not the best, but I'll give a slight curve. You can see notable improvements in the fifth chapters but you also see a large amount of time from the fourth to fifth meaning the quality only came with time of editing. Story Development - 4/5 - Not the best and rushed before the third chapter, you just get random scenarios placed upon the readers that ruins the immersion of the reader. Character Design - 3/5 - One-sided characters. Some characters have some strange reactions and weird doings that makes them out of character. World Background - 3/5 - Only small snippets of magic affinity and city name, no background information Overall - 3.4/5 - Better than most original novels here but not top grade. This novel is good aesthetically and paradise for taking those who wished they were in 'isekai' situations just out of the blue.
So for all of those complaining about chapter 1-4, the author breaks it down in chapter 5 for everyone. He adds in their name at the end. I think this is a new creative way to let people know whos talking. Something you would see in playwright. I think this is a great slice of life in another world. So my score for it would be 4/5 5/5 5/5 4/5 3/5. You are slowly working on your writing ability and it shows. Work on your world building a bit better to let people see from your characters point of view, but at the same time know where and what is around them. I think you are doing a good job. Keep it up!
This novel have charm in form of a detailed character interaction yet the weakness also laid there. At times it felt like reading through a script where person A speak his part and then person B speak his part. Yet I can feel that the world building is well formed and each of the important character is assigned a certain personality. to makes this criticism easier to read i'll make it into bullet point Pro. 1. world building is there 2. lore/system of the world exist 3. character interaction 4. character personalisation Weak. 1. script like text 2. character are introduced at bullet pace which sometimes force me to read over and over again 3. There is a distinct lack of background establishment (eg. The hall was wide and tall with windows on each side pouring sunlight to it. Filled with laughter and conversation. Maid are carrying drinks to nobles while dancing around the floor..etc etc)
Dawson seems to care little about his family. I supposed he prefers adventure over other things. The first few chapters were a little hard to read and understand. I have no problem with first person view since I started writing using first person view when I was younger. So that's not a problem. However, In chapter 5, I noticed that you put names in bracket to clearly show who was the one speaking. I'm not sure if you changed it later on since I'm only at Chap 7 at the moment. But if no, but here's my advice. When there are few people talking, you can just put "Dawson talked to Judas..." then give like 2 to 3 consecutive conversation. And everytime someone else talked, do the same thing ie "Carmen interrupted..". As long as those who were conversing do not change, the conversation should be easy to follow. Yours, Luo Ye
What a slap in the face and I read legal documents for a living. Honestly if you have an overactive imagination you could probably read this novel and fully enjoy it but for me my brain power is about nill I need narrative, not points of view, feeling not guess what I'm trying to express. It was all very monotone and again could be my lack of brain power it just needed more expressive words. The good thing about the novel is the overall uniqueness it is written through the eyes of the MC and unfortunately the FL, but it gives you a feeling of watching a medieval Ferris Bueller's Day Off vibe. Again could be my lack of brain power that makes you play music in your own head as you read and wonder how anyone was ever functioning to begin with. Minor grammatical errors and spelling mistakes but I only read up to chapter 5 again brain power.
Worth looking at. ...................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
Writing quality: 3/5, The first 3 chapters are rough. Real rough. They're written entirely in 1st person and read similar to stream of consciousness writing. In a way, that is impressive. However, it's hard to read and appears clumsy to those of us without appreciation for high-level literature. It improves in chapter 4 and by chapter 5 the writing is mostly normal. Otherwise I'd give a lower score here. Improve the first 3 chapters and I'd increase this score to a 4.5/5. Updates: Don't know. New reader. Story Development: 5/5 Story is interesting and progressing nicely. Especially once you get to ch5. Character design 3.5/5: I didn't read very far yet, so hard to judge for sure. Descriptions of characters were a bit lacking. Even the character details page fails to tell me anything beyond age and sometimes height. This is an easy fix by adding some minor descriptions as you introduce characters. Hair color, eye color, clothing style, etc. World Background 5/5 Everything is explained very well as the world opens up. Advice to author: Rewrite chapters 1 through 3 and maybe some of 4. Those beginning chapters will cause 95% or more of readers to turn away. Make those chapters similar to chapter 5's writing style. You may also want to describe your characters looks more during their 1st introductions. It's true readers like to place themselves as the MC in their head, but we still need to know what they look like.
Okay, this is what I think about this novel, after reading up to chapter 7. I don't know many Isekai type story, only a handful, so I don't know what's typical or not. But, as the story goes it's interesting so far but a little bit slow paced. So if you want to see the action and the ******* rising drama, you have to read a bit more than where I'm currently at. The story was written like an Arthurian legends novel and told using the first-person narrative. Takes place in the middle ages era where swords, magic, drama, and romance takes place, The MC, as far as I've read it, was not OP yet, but I got the feelings that his power was one of a kind. Do I recommend it, yes! With a slight caution. (It's tiring to read cramped up text)
I've currently read only upto chapter 5 Isekai novels are interesting. So when I read the synopsis, i became interested. The characters.. I like MC and Carmen. Though I feel like they are somehow lacking feelings. He found out that he just died, yet he didn't feel sadness or anything. I know, maybe he is just really really calm but I still don't find that normal. Or maybe, the author just wasn't able to clearly show his emotions in writing. The events are kinda rushed and that makes it feel like a big info dump. I read somewhere that it is one common mistake an author could make. The author wanted to explain what he's thinking, but forgot that it should be the characters thinking instead. Try to describe everything maybe on an emotional way? I don't know if I'm making sense haha. Chapters 1-3, although I could understand what's happening, I just really hate those long paragraphs. I have bad eyesight, and I was reading it during the night.. you know I tried hard just to read it. It was too painful for my eyes, I literally cried while reading. So I stopped that night, and continued it the next day. Atleast after chapter 4, the paragraphs are already fine. Good work on that. Other than those above, I have no more complains. The world is interesting. It was a fun read. The author's style is more on the narrative side, that's good too, it was just a bit unique in webnovels. First person perspective is also unique in this webnovel site, but it is normal in most Jap LN's. Keep up the good work. Every chapter you write, the improvements are noticeable. Thank you for writing this awesome novel. I added it in my library and i will continue reading it.
-I think you are very new to writing so try to create very Sim*le dialogue. -The story wasn't engaging at all I had a hard time finish the chapters. -Too much lazy and unnecessary explanation and why put the age in a bracket. Somehow incorporate this information within the dialogue without info dumping. -Don't tell us what a character personality is before they even start talking. -Try to use 3rd person point of view. -Keep trying and plan things out.
Yooo, Fro is here~~!! Ony one thing that Fro could say after Fro read your earliest chapter. I felt like I just took a ride on a super duper fast train and pushed through any obstacles upfront without care lol. I felt so dizzy and my eyes were hurt! Seriously you should edit your earliest chapter to attract more reader. It was too rushed, I knew you are trying to show it was first person's pov, but you should at least put some spacy and coma in each sentences. You also need put at least some description of the situasion/emotion because it felt too rush and a bit bland. For example in chap 2 or 3 (I forgot) when ernest (dawson father) met his son for first time, he should at least show a bit emotion. With your rushing, he seemed just "oh you are my son? Okay, then. End of topic, I dont care." It was just my interpretation, I dont ask for emotional meeting, just at least he should show some surprise or happiness after seeing his son who was separated by him for years. However I can see a lot of improvement on your later chapters and the story also began to form on its essence. Your story has a good potential, just your writing need an improvement. That why I said you should edit your earliest chapter to attract more reader. Honestly even I am attracted to this novel because of the title the title. There was just two thing that bugged me a bit. Instead using a name of character behind the talking, why dont you use the normal telling like your writing before? Like 'he said, carmen said, his father said etc' To make them more alive, put some description of emotion behind them. For example : "I miss you, carmen." I said to my beloved fiance as I stared at her with overflowing love. Something like that description. And then the second thing was about the image word you put each time showing something, I dont know if you actually have the images you mention, but since in the webnovel cant insert any picture and also there was some readers who was too lazy to check some images from some link (like me, yes! Definitely!), you should put some description of image instead just word like you mention. For me its bit disturbing. Well, enough of my rambling, I dont want to make you read a lot of my nonsense garbage. So I just want to say, this is really good story, keep your hard work. I see you have a lot improvement, I am sure, you will become even better in the future in your writing and put alive your imagination in your novel.
Hey DeJel! Firstly, I'd like to say a big thank you on behalf of all of the people who you've promised to read their novels for! Keep up the great work! Secondly, I'd like to apologize that I won't be continuing to read your novel after Chapter 1. Though your novel has set itself up for a huge isekai adventure, one that would no doubt see itself being loved by certain groups of readers, I can't help but feel as though my brain cells are frying themselves. Now, please don't take this as me being arrogant, or being mean to you. I'm simply saying how I feel. Your writing quality, though understandable and without spelling mistakes, has much to desire. You've established your characters well, and that drives the story to a higher level of quality, but all of that is dragged into the pits when it's written poorly. I've given your story development and character design a solid Five Stars, because I do believe that you've done amazingly in those respects. Though I've only read the first chapter, because that's all I could really take, I wish you the best in working on those two features of your novel! Perhaps a little editing, and fine tuning of things here and there, would up your writing quality to a standard where people would have nothing but kind words to say about it. Good luck in the future, and thank you for being kind enough to read everyone's novels!
I ask that those that review my novel, please give me the following information: CONSTRUCTIVE criticism, tell me something I did right, will you continue my novel and why (not)... I do this for all who I review, so please have the same respect to do this for me.;,;. I know I have bad grammar and am willing to learn. I don't have, but am looking for an editor, I have only heard of one grammar issue directly, and that is "keeping in tense" ie. past, present, future... If I have any other types of grammar issues, please don't just say grammar, tell me what grammatical rule I'm breaking. I grew up with friends who thru grammar out the window, so I don't always see such errors. Thx in advance for the feedback.;,;. (I won't give what I don't believe I deserve, unlike other authors, I see my quality of writing is not the best.)