Review Detail of DeJeL in What in this world! Oh... Wait a minute. It's another world.

I ask that those that review my novel, please give me the following information: CONSTRUCTIVE criticism, tell me something I did right, will you continue my novel and why (not)... I do this for all who I review, so please have the same respect to do this for me.;,;. I know I have bad grammar and am willing to learn. I don't have, but am looking for an editor, I have only heard of one grammar issue directly, and that is "keeping in tense" ie. past, present, future... If I have any other types of grammar issues, please don't just say grammar, tell me what grammatical rule I'm breaking. I grew up with friends who thru grammar out the window, so I don't always see such errors. Thx in advance for the feedback.;,;. (I won't give what I don't believe I deserve, unlike other authors, I see my quality of writing is not the best.)