Review Detail of LuoYeYouLing in What in this world! Oh... Wait a minute. It's another world.

Dawson seems to care little about his family. I supposed he prefers adventure over other things. The first few chapters were a little hard to read and understand. I have no problem with first person view since I started writing using first person view when I was younger. So that's not a problem. However, In chapter 5, I noticed that you put names in bracket to clearly show who was the one speaking. I'm not sure if you changed it later on since I'm only at Chap 7 at the moment. But if no, but here's my advice. When there are few people talking, you can just put "Dawson talked to Judas..." then give like 2 to 3 consecutive conversation. And everytime someone else talked, do the same thing ie "Carmen interrupted..". As long as those who were conversing do not change, the conversation should be easy to follow. Yours, Luo Ye