Review Detail of opolo in What in this world! Oh... Wait a minute. It's another world.

It is a good try to write a good story. Like most of the comments and reviews i would also like you to not to write dialogues in the paragraph. Some times it feels rushed and it looked like you wanted to move on the next scene too fast. You should not fret over writing a new chapter just to extend the scene. BTW i am not saying it is not good but opposite. I like it very much. Hopefully you will continue it again.