140 chapters-ish in. If it does get better right after that I wouldn't know because I don't plan to continue reading. This does contain a bit of spoilers but it is only for mostly early chapters and it breaks the formatting so I won’t be marking it as such.
This story did not give me the "kick" I have found in the stories I have read so far. By the 140th chapter, a reader can be expected to be hooked, to be immersed in the world enough to see the developments of the story as familiar. However, up to this point, the plot has been largely unamusing, confusing, and often inconsistent.
I - Plot holes
This is not going to be a full on critique of realisticness, as that isn't a necessity of an engaging story. One big problem I have with the setting is the lack of *practical* technology. The story likes to use the excuse of the presence of monsters as a magical way to disregard technology. You can't launch satellites sure but mobile devices and internet have no need for satellites. They are facilitated by cell towers which shouldn't be that hard to build. Theo getting assassinated is a plot hole because mobile devices should exist, and he could just make some call to emergency services to protect himself. Unless... of course, they were out of range. In that case, where are the vehicles? There are vehicles (humvees) designed to traverse hazardous environments. Now all of this could be avoided by providing some more petty excuses which I would happily accept, but as of now, there are none. A suggestion for the story: just abandon the whole "separate world with monsters but no technology" gimmick altogether.
Also try giving a gun to your weak characters. If a gun is ineffective against weak monsters, and a weak character is able to kill a weak monster, then a gun is ineffective against weak characters? It's guns work or they don't. How about a tank? A nuclear bomb? There's a limit to how much "weapons are weak against monsters so we must use medieval era weapons" you can put in a story with future tech like a Sky.. net.. web.. link? I forgot.
Additional nitpicks: The couple at the start of the story talking about how they MURDERED someone in public? You had to be a genius to attain hero rank but now Theo is supposed to do it in 3 months and it is suddenly a normal and easy thing to do? Theo is a genius now because he's picking "le breathing and l'awareness" easily but when did he become a genius... how? ...and other plot holes stated in other reviews I won't bother plagiarizing.
II - Writing
It doesn't need to be said that the english on this site is... not exactly up to the standards you would find in an normal english book. From the few other stories I have read so far, very often there are grammatical errors present. I do commend the author for not having as much grammatical errors and using more "formal" vocabulary. However, the underlying nitpick I have is the "flow" of the story. The story all too often has the need to explain something that the reader already knows. You can remind them using dialogue. It's also a bit awkward to straight up give information to the reader. You can find this in the form of internal monologues, specifically where Theo contemplates a decision (there is a lot of this going on) that doesn't need to be written out because it's not that important to the story besides a few sentences.
More critique from a kid failing his english class: NEVER use contractions and informal speak (swearing) in narration. This is fine if the narrator is part of the story, but not in this one. Also try refraining from doing the inverse— using formal vocabulary in casual dialogue. "I will shamelessly utilize this opportunity" - It's awkward.
III - Story/World
Is it that I (try to) read too fast, I get distracted too easily, I'm not paying enough attention, or all of the above? The story is really hard to follow. Why does Theo pick Laust? He knows Laust resents him but he picks him anyways and is surprised when Laust doesn’t want to fight. The fight scenes are hard to follow as well. It gets even more confusing when you pit 5 against 5 and you have to visualize: person 1-10 are in their respective positions but then person 1 moves in front of person 6 and their CLONE is magically behind person 9 and is about to attack person 7 when person 4 intercepts…
The power system is a weird mix between levels, skills, “awareness,” and “experience.” It really does start out with levels, but then each additional factor is added and it becomes really a “You can get X easily but what you really need is Y.”
Additionally I don't consider this particularly fast paced despite the tag, this is actually the primary reason I dropped the novel. In the last 2 novels I have read, by now the character has: surpassed their bullies by a huge margin, finished exacting their revenge, discovered a new conspiracy about death/disappearance of family/friends, triggered a hidden power in their inner self that scares everyone, and is now on a quest for further vengeance. I apologize if I just spoiled every novel that exists and will exist on this site, but yeah, the pacing is not that fast.
IV - Character(s)
I think beyond the archetypes of bullies, girlfriends, and mentors, the story fails to portray Theo as a likeable protagonist. In the first few chapters Theo is weak (as usual) but then gets betrayed. Note he says one of those cliche "humans are evil and something something I want to purge them all." The story then forgets all about it in the next 100 chapters or so and doesn't seem to have any intention of bringing that back again. He is able to level up faster though levels supposedly don't matter that much. Besides that, what is special about him? He's smart and able to come up with plans and outsmart his peers? I'd have to disagree, it's more like the other characters are dumber.
'Ah yes you stole my kill so now I am scared and I feel like you have control over me' - what?
What is so special about his clone skill? So he doesn’t have friends? What is so special about leveling up his skills? How is that “cheating the system?”
I think the story is poorly thought out and the writer really intended on making things up along the way while forgetting the details made early on.
I like how I’m logged in to web novel and I try to submit but it shows me login screen and I lose all my progress and have to use this text file I luckily had.
Bronze Prize for WSA 2021 Contest