webnovel
William_Litsch
William_LitschLv113yr
2021-08-09 04:00

I don't want to discourage writers, but the English language translation is bad enough that I am confused half the time about who did what. I wouldn't drop the story from that alone, but the plot holes just keep coming. Every chapter brings with it more plot holes. He's in high school and he's lived in the world his whole life supposedly, but no one recognizes him except bullies. No friends, no teachers, no family, no sense, no skills. It's like he was literally born yesterday. This leads to an avalanche of annoying plot holes. The world building, therefore makes no sense. Then the tropes start: bully becomes friend, waifu becomes interested in total weakling for no reason. I had to stop because nothing followed logically from anything.

Liked by 51 people

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Replies8
PositiveMango
PositiveMangoLv13

You could say the world building is a “trickster” haha I know its not funny but thats the first thing I thought of from this review. It seems like the logic is playing tricks on the readers. Therefore it makes sense that the world building doesn’t make sense. Not only is MC supposed to be a trickster the logic in the novel is too. Of course this is just the perspective of someone who hasn’t even read a single word of this novel yet.

BattleGodWodan
BattleGodWodanLv14

Well I have to say, some of you people are really picky. Not everyone is a perfect english speaker. Your so called "Plotholes" are called world building. Not everything makes sense (yet) and will eventually be brought up in the Story. And lets be honest YOU as an individual, are you known in the world? Are you in the middle of attention in your classes, in your village? People do not know you. Most people do not care about you. If you are a weak link in the society (being bad at school, or not socially active) you will be ignored by people. So our MC in this story is exactly that. A weak link in the society. People do not care about him. Thats why nobody knows about him. If you would have read enough chapters you would also know why. The story has a slow start. I give you that, but most stories have slow starts. (Sorry for the length, but it had to be said)

Eit_Dit_7655
Eit_Dit_7655Lv14

If you know your English is gonna be trash..look for an editor or something...we can't just be complacent and just accept it... it's real money here

TheTrickster12
TheTrickster12Lv14

Let me remind you We Are paying money here So he could at least get An editor or someone who reads a lot of english novels to take a look at his work

BattleGodWodan:Well I have to say, some of you people are really picky. Not everyone is a perfect english speaker. Your so called "Plotholes" are called world building. Not everything makes sense (yet) and will eventually be brought up in the Story. And lets be honest YOU as an individual, are you known in the world? Are you in the middle of attention in your classes, in your village? People do not know you. Most people do not care about you. If you are a weak link in the society (being bad at school, or not socially active) you will be ignored by people. So our MC in this story is exactly that. A weak link in the society. People do not care about him. Thats why nobody knows about him. If you would have read enough chapters you would also know why. The story has a slow start. I give you that, but most stories have slow starts. (Sorry for the length, but it had to be said)
BattleGodWodan
BattleGodWodanLv14

Yeah true, but have you even read the novel? Sure the english isn't C2 grade, but it is not that bad. Some small mistakes, every person does. Look at the big Novels. Even they have some grammar mistakes, especially in the early chapters. The English does get better in the novel, some Chapters get edited later on in case there were big mistakes. To adress your Problem: Yes we pay money, yes we want perfect english, yes we want a story without plotholes and surely I would also love it for free. Now can you tell me where such a story/novel exists? Because I would like to read that. I read quite a lot and have not found wuch a story that wasn't published as book versions where multiple editors read over. You can btw read most of the chapters from novels for free if you use your FastPass everyday and buy the extras with points.

TheTrickster12:Let me remind you We Are paying money here So he could at least get An editor or someone who reads a lot of english novels to take a look at his work
Silent_But_Dudley
Silent_But_DudleyLv14

Yes but if you are going to post a Novel in English, at least do the bare minimum and install Grammarly. It will literally make novels that are difficult to read to become at least passable.

BattleGodWodan:Well I have to say, some of you people are really picky. Not everyone is a perfect english speaker. Your so called "Plotholes" are called world building. Not everything makes sense (yet) and will eventually be brought up in the Story. And lets be honest YOU as an individual, are you known in the world? Are you in the middle of attention in your classes, in your village? People do not know you. Most people do not care about you. If you are a weak link in the society (being bad at school, or not socially active) you will be ignored by people. So our MC in this story is exactly that. A weak link in the society. People do not care about him. Thats why nobody knows about him. If you would have read enough chapters you would also know why. The story has a slow start. I give you that, but most stories have slow starts. (Sorry for the length, but it had to be said)
BattleGodWodan
BattleGodWodanLv14

Yeah and I would say it really is passable in the early chapters and it really gets good in the later chapters he is improving every chapter.

Silent_But_Dudley:Yes but if you are going to post a Novel in English, at least do the bare minimum and install Grammarly. It will literally make novels that are difficult to read to become at least passable.
King_Gray
King_GrayLv1

Someone dated for love not strength... Inconceivable!!!

Other Reviews
MythicSnow
MythicSnowLv15

Alright. First off, this review is SPOILER FREE. Second, this is as of chapter 390, so I feel I have a good enough feel of the story, since as of this moment, 390 is the most recent chapter. Thirdly, there's two parts to this review. One will be my personal opinion. The other will be facts based around the 5 sets of stars you judge on when making reviews. First, the writing quality is really good. I don't notice many grammatical errors or spelling mistakes. And the few that I do, don't disrupt the flow of the story, or break the immersion. Earlier on there might have been more, but I can't remember. Though nowadays it seems like there's none at all. Speaking of earlier on to nowadays, the story development has been amazing. It's not too fast paced, nor to slow. It's well balanced with the arcs. While there are time skips, they're short bursts rather than years at a time. So the flow is nice, and smooth. Now on to Character Design! The characters are all full of life. They have their own emotions, and stories. They're incredibly detailed and don't all seem the same. They don't seem like extras, or side characters. They aren't disposable, nor forgettable. They have depth, and they matter! I'm sure you'll find yourself loving many of them. While some you may relate to. This one's shorter. Update stability. It's good. Only hiccup recently was a small dip in chapters a week because the Author was hospitalized, but they're okay now! Finally, World Background! This, in my opinion is phenomenal. The power levels, the creatures, the phasing of our world as we know it, and the other side. The attention to detail of even the smaller things just adds more life a realness to the story. I find myself often not having enough details in a story to completely immerse my mind into the world I'm trying to see, but in this story.. In this story it's as if a movie is playing in my mind. I guess this is the really "Finally". My opinion. This story has quickly become a top 3 to top 5 of mine on this app. At least, of novels I've read on this app in particular. Not including other sites. I have a top 20 chart in my notepad app on my phone that is densely packed with completed stories I've read. However, it wouldn't be fair to compare those like "The King's Avatar", or "Coiling Dragon" to this one, as it's not done. Though with the way it's going, I could see it surpassing those ones, even if that's only in my heart. So.. this would definitely be in my top 3 to top 5 of ONGOING stories. If you read all of this, I hope you have a wonderful day! And if YOU have read this Author-san, thank you for this fantastic world that I've fallen in love with. <3

CorvinCorvus
CorvinCorvusLv15
Lovidicus
LovidicusLv2
ctleans
ctleansLv2

140 chapters-ish in. If it does get better right after that I wouldn't know because I don't plan to continue reading. This does contain a bit of spoilers but it is only for mostly early chapters and it breaks the formatting so I won’t be marking it as such. This story did not give me the "kick" I have found in the stories I have read so far. By the 140th chapter, a reader can be expected to be hooked, to be immersed in the world enough to see the developments of the story as familiar. However, up to this point, the plot has been largely unamusing, confusing, and often inconsistent. I - Plot holes This is not going to be a full on critique of realisticness, as that isn't a necessity of an engaging story. One big problem I have with the setting is the lack of *practical* technology. The story likes to use the excuse of the presence of monsters as a magical way to disregard technology. You can't launch satellites sure but mobile devices and internet have no need for satellites. They are facilitated by cell towers which shouldn't be that hard to build. Theo getting assassinated is a plot hole because mobile devices should exist, and he could just make some call to emergency services to protect himself. Unless... of course, they were out of range. In that case, where are the vehicles? There are vehicles (humvees) designed to traverse hazardous environments. Now all of this could be avoided by providing some more petty excuses which I would happily accept, but as of now, there are none. A suggestion for the story: just abandon the whole "separate world with monsters but no technology" gimmick altogether. Also try giving a gun to your weak characters. If a gun is ineffective against weak monsters, and a weak character is able to kill a weak monster, then a gun is ineffective against weak characters? It's guns work or they don't. How about a tank? A nuclear bomb? There's a limit to how much "weapons are weak against monsters so we must use medieval era weapons" you can put in a story with future tech like a Sky.. net.. web.. link? I forgot. Additional nitpicks: The couple at the start of the story talking about how they MURDERED someone in public? You had to be a genius to attain hero rank but now Theo is supposed to do it in 3 months and it is suddenly a normal and easy thing to do? Theo is a genius now because he's picking "le breathing and l'awareness" easily but when did he become a genius... how? ...and other plot holes stated in other reviews I won't bother plagiarizing. II - Writing It doesn't need to be said that the english on this site is... not exactly up to the standards you would find in an normal english book. From the few other stories I have read so far, very often there are grammatical errors present. I do commend the author for not having as much grammatical errors and using more "formal" vocabulary. However, the underlying nitpick I have is the "flow" of the story. The story all too often has the need to explain something that the reader already knows. You can remind them using dialogue. It's also a bit awkward to straight up give information to the reader. You can find this in the form of internal monologues, specifically where Theo contemplates a decision (there is a lot of this going on) that doesn't need to be written out because it's not that important to the story besides a few sentences. More critique from a kid failing his english class: NEVER use contractions and informal speak (swearing) in narration. This is fine if the narrator is part of the story, but not in this one. Also try refraining from doing the inverse— using formal vocabulary in casual dialogue. "I will shamelessly utilize this opportunity" - It's awkward. III - Story/World Is it that I (try to) read too fast, I get distracted too easily, I'm not paying enough attention, or all of the above? The story is really hard to follow. Why does Theo pick Laust? He knows Laust resents him but he picks him anyways and is surprised when Laust doesn’t want to fight. The fight scenes are hard to follow as well. It gets even more confusing when you pit 5 against 5 and you have to visualize: person 1-10 are in their respective positions but then person 1 moves in front of person 6 and their CLONE is magically behind person 9 and is about to attack person 7 when person 4 intercepts… The power system is a weird mix between levels, skills, “awareness,” and “experience.” It really does start out with levels, but then each additional factor is added and it becomes really a “You can get X easily but what you really need is Y.” Additionally I don't consider this particularly fast paced despite the tag, this is actually the primary reason I dropped the novel. In the last 2 novels I have read, by now the character has: surpassed their bullies by a huge margin, finished exacting their revenge, discovered a new conspiracy about death/disappearance of family/friends, triggered a hidden power in their inner self that scares everyone, and is now on a quest for further vengeance. I apologize if I just spoiled every novel that exists and will exist on this site, but yeah, the pacing is not that fast. IV - Character(s) I think beyond the archetypes of bullies, girlfriends, and mentors, the story fails to portray Theo as a likeable protagonist. In the first few chapters Theo is weak (as usual) but then gets betrayed. Note he says one of those cliche "humans are evil and something something I want to purge them all." The story then forgets all about it in the next 100 chapters or so and doesn't seem to have any intention of bringing that back again. He is able to level up faster though levels supposedly don't matter that much. Besides that, what is special about him? He's smart and able to come up with plans and outsmart his peers? I'd have to disagree, it's more like the other characters are dumber. 'Ah yes you stole my kill so now I am scared and I feel like you have control over me' - what? What is so special about his clone skill? So he doesn’t have friends? What is so special about leveling up his skills? How is that “cheating the system?” I think the story is poorly thought out and the writer really intended on making things up along the way while forgetting the details made early on. I like how I’m logged in to web novel and I try to submit but it shows me login screen and I lose all my progress and have to use this text file I luckily had.

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