DarkDestiny
Stability of updates is a REALLY big deal for a reader like me because it shows dedication to the book and shows that the author really cares about their readers. I would say that this deserves a 5/5 star rating across the board because it has a sense of uniqueness for a book on webnovel which is rarely seen but it also is rather a good read as well. -OmniFrog
Your story is not bad, I like it and it has potential. The things is the grammar. Your dialogue is a bit weird. Unless you write like that, if not, dialogue should be written like this: “How to explain the ways you annoy me? One you eat with your mouth full. Two you take all the freaking blankets. Three you never defend me in front of your mother. And four, stop taking me to terrible restaurants!” The husband complained, listing his grievances to his significant other. “You are being ridicious, love. Now come sit down, you are drawing attention to yourself.” Another thing, you have a few grammar mistakes that can easily be fixed and doesn’t throw the story off. I really enjoyed it and I have been getting into system stories for a while now. Keep up the good work!
A reborn, from weak-to-strong story with RPG elements? Sign me in! I, like so many others, have a thing for these type of stories, and this one gave me (and sorry if im wrong) a lot of darksouls vibes while reading, that is always a plus! The only problem could be some mistakes here and there, but hey not a problem and it dosen't stop anyone from enjoying a good story keep it going Author!
The story is a classic fantasy revenge story with LITRPG mechanics. Overall, I'm a big sucker for plots involve righting wrong and avenging injustice so I was immediately drawn in. Only issue was the use of dialogue attribution. Specifically during the first page, it made it difficult to tell who was who. Other than that it is a great start!
A good read. Jumps into the story immediately but there is enough showing of the characters and the atmosphere. The story takes its times to build up events and sometimes tension. I do wish I could see more of the world actually, considering this is fantasy afterall. My criticism is part with the RPG elements. I understand that RPG elements such as ranking up and skills need to be shown to show that this is an RPG, but I think it's best it doesn't always have to be shown. There's also the censorship of swear words. I understand that the author has already set a rating but I personally felt off reading censored words. Maybe best take away the censored swear words completely if the rating is still parental guidance. So far so good. Keep on writing!
It's a pretty good story, my friend. However, I would like to point out a few things. Yes, it is necessary to express dramatic scenes with exaggeration, but you should dial down on the adjectives, makes your sentences look redundant. Also,"Staring with eyes filled with unimaginable hatred", staring is obviously done with your eyes while unimaginable hatred doesn't exactly help your readers understand the character. Instead, try "He stared at his foe with contempt, feeling bitter regret that he had so once called, this traitor, his brother." I mean no disrespect, my friend. All I wish is to help you become better in your craft. Keep writing! :)
Okay... A revenge-lead RPG + Dungeon. So, the 20th king of Lyria trained so hard in swords and magic and it goes down to the drain and reborn as a shade instead. Not a bad RPG system, but killing a Level 7 wolf could only level up 3 levels? I think you could a little more exp in it. Must kill to get EXP instead of training? Could use some EXP potion. I don't like restrictions on one's growth that can't be done without training. About "Where do I start? How about the beginning"-- the flashback is way too flashback. It feels jarring if the flashback went to far back in the past. I think you could introduce the MC's past first, or maybe describe how Luther killed him. Grammar mistakes everywhere. Could give some editing instead. Overall: Classic revenge RPG.
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