Webnovelavatar
1603005635324
Panqiuyan

Panqiuyan

Lv4

I am a college student who likes anime, games, and books. I am writing historical fiction for fun. My goals for the future 1. Get my Master's degree in counseling. 2. Finish writing my book series.

2018-09-13 JoinedUnited Kingdom
-d

Writing

0.8h

of reading

146

Read books

Badges6

Moments

24
  • Panqiuyan
    Panqiuyan2mth
    Posted

    You have a potentially good story. I would suggest you write a bit of world-building because I am confused about the setting of the story. is it in China or somewhere else? I would like to see descriptions of places and characters. I also would advise you to look up how to write in the active tone of voice instead of passive. this story has some grammar issues. other than that keep up the good work.

    alt
    DO YOU TRUST ME?
    Realistic Fiction · Elijah_weiss
    detail
  • Panqiuyan
    Panqiuyan2mth
    Commented

    I think you meant to write she instead of he

    This paragraph has been deleted.
    alt
    DO YOU TRUST ME?
    Realistic Fiction · Elijah_weiss
    detail
  • Panqiuyan
    Panqiuyan2mth
    Commented

    I would suggest you put a period after questioning and capitalize the I in if it might be easier to read the paragraph

    This paragraph has been deleted.
    alt
    DO YOU TRUST ME?
    Realistic Fiction · Elijah_weiss
    detail
  • Panqiuyan
    Panqiuyan2mth
    Commented

    need a sperate line for I merely nodded because it sounds like the mc is saying it instead of the police

    This paragraph has been deleted.
    alt
    DO YOU TRUST ME?
    Realistic Fiction · Elijah_weiss
    detail
  • Panqiuyan
    Panqiuyan2mth
    Commented

    this has a lot of commas I would suggest maybe rewrite

    This paragraph has been deleted.
    alt
    DO YOU TRUST ME?
    Realistic Fiction · Elijah_weiss
    detail
  • Panqiuyan
    Panqiuyan3mth
    Posted

    You have a decent story so far. I enjoy reading it. I want to know if the story happens in the present or is it set in a futuristic setting? I would suggest you describe the places and people a bit.

    alt
    The Ultimate System Wielder
    Magical Realism · Noleafyet
    detail
  • Panqiuyan
    Panqiuyan3mth
    Replied to Noleafyet

    thank you

    alt
    Thorns of the Forgotten Rose
    Contemporary Romance · Panqiuyan
    detail
  • Panqiuyan
    Panqiuyan4mth
    Replied to Sun23

    Thank you i will keep that in mind

    alt
    Thorns of the Forgotten Rose
    Contemporary Romance · Panqiuyan
    detail
  • Panqiuyan
    Panqiuyan4mth
    Posted

    A very nice plot in your story Characters is unique. I would suggest you give a bit more information on the setting. Sentence structures need to work on and grammars

    alt
    deleted book...
    Fantasy Romance · Scarlettheartt
    detail
  • Panqiuyan
    Panqiuyan4mth
    Posted

    lovely story. i like the concept. keep working on it..........................................................................................................................................

    alt
    A Love In Time Save Nine Lives
    Contemporary Romance · Sun23
    detail
  • Panqiuyan
    Panqiuyan4mth
    Posted

    This book has great potential. I like the characters. I think the story needs a more active voice instead of passive storytelling...............

    alt
    Rise of the Mechanar
    Fantasy · Gallekryde
    detail
  • Panqiuyan
    Panqiuyan4mth
    Replied to Marli_Hanekom

    thank you. yes, I will update as soon as I can

    alt
    Thorns of the Forgotten Rose
    Contemporary Romance · Panqiuyan
    detail
  • Panqiuyan
    Panqiuyan4mth
    Posted

    interesting plot. I like it. I would suggest you write a description of the places. I would like to know what heaven looks like to you. After the characters fall where are they living? which country and city

    alt
    Forsaken : The Angel wars
    Fantasy Romance · Marli_Hanekom
    detail
  • Panqiuyan
    Panqiuyan4mth
    Posted

    A sweet story I love it. you write great. I like the characters. I can't wait for what happens next. keep up the good work............................

    alt
    BECAUSE IT'S FIRST LOVE
    Contemporary Romance · Joskylar
    detail
  • Panqiuyan
    Panqiuyan4mth
    Posted

    a cool story you wrote. Since there not many chapters I can't see how the story will go. I had a tough time figuring out the setting and you should have a bit more descriptions of places

    alt
    Zhoro's Universe:Loose Screws
    Fantasy · iam_adh
    detail
  • Panqiuyan
    Panqiuyan4mth
    Posted

    the cool story you created. i can feel the spooky atmosphere. i like the characters. keep writing on it. [img=coins] have fun : ) .............................

    alt
    Mirrors
    Horror&Thriller · amy_raines
    detail
  • Panqiuyan
    Panqiuyan4mth
    Replied to Linyang_Zhang

    Thank you

    This paragraph has been deleted.
    alt
    Thorns of the Forgotten Rose
    Contemporary Romance · Panqiuyan
    detail
  • Panqiuyan
    Panqiuyan4mth
    Posted

    I like the short story. you write very well. I like the characters. I laugh a bit [img=coins] I hope you create more stories so I can read them.

    alt
    Yanhua
    Magical Realism · Linyang_Zhang
    detail
  • Panqiuyan
    Panqiuyan4mth
    Replied to deepu_

    Thank you so much. Yes, I am not dropping the book. I'm trying to get a lot of stockpiles so I can post daily

    alt
    Sweet Desire
    Historical Romance · Panqiuyan
    detail
  • Panqiuyan
    Panqiuyan4mth
    Posted

    I see a nice story. you describe the scene well This reminds me of the novel solo leveling. I like it very much

    alt
    Shadow Lord Reborn
    Fantasy · DarkDestiny
    detail