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TaintedMetal

TaintedMetal

Lv2

The Machine fuels my writing. I used to write on Wattpad, you can check it out here: https://www.wattpad.com/user/R4nd_TheLondonBurker

2020-08-01 JoinedGlobal
2d

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5.7h

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270
  • TaintedMetal
    TaintedMetal6h
    Commented

    See this! I just gifted the story: Potion

    Ch 1 CHAPTER 1: NEW EARTH (1)
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    Earth's Doom Starts with... Me?
    Fantasy Romance · mozza_mello
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  • TaintedMetal
    TaintedMetal6h
    Commented

    See this! I just gifted the story: Potion

    Ch 1 CHAPTER 1: NEW EARTH (1)
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    Earth's Doom Starts with... Me?
    Fantasy Romance · mozza_mello
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  • TaintedMetal
    TaintedMetal1d
    Posted

    Pretty good read so far, this is a good example of an isekai that manages to be something on its own. The protagonist, Zhang Wei, is transported to another world and has the unlikely partner of an AI he dubs Jinx following the seemingly comedic reaction Zhang initially had. It's straightforward writing at its best, but it's not confusing of course. I'm impressed with how the author made Zhang genuinely confused about his surroundings but it's not too exaggerating. My only real criticism would be the world Zhang is in, hasn't really strike me just yet, but hopefully we'll see more of the uniqueness of the world in later chapters. So far so good. Keep on writing.

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    My Shitty Isekai Adventure
    Martial Arts · KageMugen
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  • TaintedMetal
    TaintedMetal6d
    Replied to Twine

    Thank you very much for your 5 stars. Appreciate it.

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    Drip Work
    Fantasy · TaintedMetal
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  • TaintedMetal
    TaintedMetal6d
    Posted

    The novel talks about King Johnson (which is a notable easy name to remember tbh) and his adventures following his transmigration to what appears to be another world altogether. Themes like transmigration, reincarnation to some degree and fantasy elements and worlds would be familiar for readers of this genre. THE GOOD - This is probably the first transmigration novel in a while that I've gotten to know about the protagonist beyond just 1 chapter. Most novels like this go way too fast in having the MC die and then transfer for a new body, but here, the author takes their time in giving us a glimpse at King, who he is, who were the people in his life, and what came to be prior to his transfer to a new body and world. - Chapters 1 and 2 have a good flow. Chapter 1 is a glimpse of King's unfortunate situation at prom night with his girlfriend Casey, then transitions to chapter 2 where they break up due to King's dedication (based on his speech) to venture into gaming, which disappoints her greatly. - Chapter 3 is unique because most novels that have the MC moving into a new body just go there, but here? King has a conversation with a supposed figure who would be the new body King would later inhabit (I believe) - Chapters 4-10 have a good amount of telling and showing world building elements. Idea wise I can see what this novel wishes to tackle on. In addition, King also has some interactivity with the world, allowing us the reader to paint the picture in essence: imagine everything through his eyes. He's very much aware of the world he's in, and that deserves a praise. What might need some rework Note: this part of the review is derived from the current state of chapters, and I do believe that the author is currently doing rework as of this review being written. - Chapters 1 and 2 have a good flow overall in terms of moving from one chapter to another. However, the telling of Casey and King first meeting including their relationship seem very fast paced, too fast for me to grasp their characteristics. Their dialogue, despite having a good amount of grammar, is equally fast paced in a seemingly rushed way. - While on the subject of Chapter 2, the fight scene between Derek and King after the former acted like a jerk to Casey? Unfortunately it was too fast. At only 2 paragraphs the fight scene blitzed past by me faster than a bullet train or even Sonic the Hedgehog on Redbull. I can understand the need to get straight to the point in the story, but a little bit more length into the fight including imagery (like how bad were the punches/kicks) and maybe some trashtalking dialogue in between would have been more of a "showing" scene of a fight. Same goes for the aftermath of the fight, what happened with witness accounts and Mother Olivia was too fast. I think it's best to make them longer with more dialogue. - While the reasoning behind King's breakup with Casey is logical, the overall execution is a bit awkward. Maybe it's just me, but I feel they were talking in an AI style of speech. There were words, but I didn't really sense the emotion. - Chapters 5-10: The content is good, but I feel there should be more showing than telling. Telling is good to summarize some things, but perhaps parts where King learns about the types of places in this world, it could have been shown via dialogue like the butler teaching him, or his parents teaching him. Conclusion: This is a novel with good ideas overall, from start to finish. Said ideas and structure is clear from King's life and his situation following his transmigration. However, many parts related to the world building have a lot of telling, and in some cases particularly the early chapters things are a bit to fast paced. I trust the author is doing their absolute best in order to make this story have the best reading experience for the audience. The ideas are there and the execution for the most part is fine, but it will be even better once you have all of the things I have mentioned worked out. What you're doing good: keep at it. What needs to be fixed in order to make it better: take your time on it. I look forward to reading this novel again when it has its edits and to see what else plays out for King and his journey.

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    Rise of The Forsaken Ones
    Eastern Fantasy · _KMB_
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  • TaintedMetal
    TaintedMetal6d
    Commented

    This chapter has a good flow but I believe there should be full stops at every sentence. I noticed some of them didn't have full stops.

    Ch 4 Good News
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    Rise of The Forsaken Ones
    Eastern Fantasy · _KMB_
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  • TaintedMetal
    TaintedMetal6d
    Replied to champilyn

    I agree, the information itself is fine but by breaking into some paragraphs of 2-4 sentences, it would be easier to read on the eyes especially readers on mobile.

    However something that had blindsided him completely happened in his own words he would say " it hit him like a wrecking ball" transpired 6 years after getting all those gaming consoles delivered to the orphanage Casey had arrived to the orphanage she was 12 years old the same age as King when they met they felt a sort of connection that was indescribable at first they thought they were just attracted to each others physical traits, King had caramel skin, grey eyes, and curly black hair if you ignored his apparel which normally consisted of a graphic tee and jeans he had the face of a model he was often vetted to do so when he was out and about but always declined vehemently preferring to game instead, but for once he was happy that his looks seemed to have a use. Casey on the other hand had an olive skin tone, green eyes, and long brown hair nearing her buttocks to King it looked and felt like an angel had been delivered to his door step.
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    Rise of The Forsaken Ones
    Eastern Fantasy · _KMB_
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  • TaintedMetal
    TaintedMetal6d
    Commented

    Good way to start a prologue, straight to the point with a sentence on what revolves around the protagonist.

    At an early age King Johnson realized that life wasn't as simple and easy as most adults proclaimed, or maybe it was just not for him at the very least.
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    Rise of The Forsaken Ones
    Eastern Fantasy · _KMB_
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  • TaintedMetal
    TaintedMetal6d
    Commented

    Good way to end this chapter, gives some intrigue on what might happen in the next chapter.

    "I'll try not to disappoint you then Dad" King said before once again lunging in the direction of his father.
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    Rise of The Forsaken Ones
    Eastern Fantasy · _KMB_
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  • TaintedMetal
    TaintedMetal6d
    Commented

    Very good usage of parodies and the letter B

    Around two years later the orphanage got a new shipment of gaming consoles and this is where King found his first and maybe only love gaming it was a Bintendo 64 with Buper Bario Bros and Bonkey Bong and he would play it until Mother Olivia made him get off , although he would always try to sneak back on after dark to inevitably be caught but he wouldn't stop until he eventually got away with it.
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    Rise of The Forsaken Ones
    Eastern Fantasy · _KMB_
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  • TaintedMetal
    TaintedMetal7d
    Replied to BlindBandit

    Thank you very much for your kind review. I appreciate that you enjoy the story as well as its pacing and characters.

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    Drip Work
    Fantasy · TaintedMetal
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  • TaintedMetal
    TaintedMetal8d
    Posted

    Although romance novels aren't my forte for reading in general, but I at least give them a shot. This novel is no exception, and I'm glad that this novel turned out good, both in its ideas and its execution. From the title you might have a idea on what might the story be about, but the author does a fantastic job with the balanced amount of telling and showing the scenes and characters. There are little to no walls of text, and even if there were, the author placed them nicely in between paragraphs where they're supposed to go, such as enhancing information on a character's characteristics, or their overall background. So far so good, keep it up.

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    I Don't Want to Marry the CEO!
    Contemporary Romance · EruRizen
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  • TaintedMetal
    TaintedMetal8d
    Commented

    no body = body as in the singular noun. I know you mean "nobody.". You just need to make it into one word. Or you could go with "no one". Either way works.

    But I hunt no one, I kill no body, I'm innocent.
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    A bullet for a gun
    Teen · A11urea
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  • TaintedMetal
    TaintedMetal8d
    Replied to EruRizen

    Thank you for your review. I hope you are enjoying the story so far.

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    Drip Work
    Fantasy · TaintedMetal
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  • TaintedMetal
    TaintedMetal11d
    Posted

    Overall it's a good slow paced novel with equally good intentions: to ensure that you get a clear picture of the characters and the situations they go through. I'd recommend this novel for people who want to take a break from the action packed stories that immediately throw you into the action (sometimes, a bit too fast). As this is a slow paced reading experience, you must be patient as you go through. The author does a good job at allowing the reader to go through each chapter with smooth transitions in between scenes. My only criticism are the telling and showing aspects, there are some characters that we get to know via telling (when the author gives the information immediately). Telling is fine, but in this case there is too much of it. Perhaps some things like atmosphere and characters can be shown to the reader: give the reader a chance to find out what are things like instead of being told about it directly. Other than that, everything else in the book is good.

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    The Urban Dao Child.
    Fantasy · THE_WORDSMITH
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  • TaintedMetal
    TaintedMetal12d
    Replied to Mel_Aniv

    You have before, for one of my novels called Drip Work.

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    Grandmaster Of All Job Class
    Fantasy · Mel_Aniv
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  • TaintedMetal
    TaintedMetal12d
    Posted

    Here's a 5 star review from my Vault of 5 Stars seeing that this novel deserve such stars. The novel is very nice. Such action, much intrigue, WOW :D

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    Godfather World
    Video Games · Destiny_Aitsuji
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  • TaintedMetal
    TaintedMetal12d
    Posted

    It's pretty okay in terms of the chapters available so far. With a very straightforward premise this may be familiar for many readers. Transmigration, main character dying and moving to a new body. However the world building here is great enough to stand out on its own, and the main character Joan is different enough from most. While I'm grateful that he isn't another "average" (like, saying he's average) protagonist, I would like to see more of his character, like what makes him unique. So far there's a glimpse of his character, an outline but not outstanding yet at least. The only real thing that does need some revisions would be some parts should be told instead of shown, the first ten chapters felt like a breeze for me to read, not because of speed reading but many parts were told. Kinda wish they were shown but oh well, there's gonna be more chapters, and I believe the author is giving their best to provide a memorable reading experience.

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    Grandmaster Of All Job Class
    Fantasy · Mel_Aniv
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  • TaintedMetal
    TaintedMetal12d
    Posted

    The Good (+) - Simple and straightforward premise - Familiar themes in terms of setting and direction (e.g. fantasy high school, vampire, werewolves, etc) - Characters who give a similar vibe to others in books of this type, but they still manage to stand out. The Things that need some revision/rework (-) - Even though it's just a synopsis, but the synopsis shouldn't be this long at least based on what I'm reading, I feel like I was reading it as a short wall of text - A lot of the parts around the story are being told, when they could have been showed (e.g. character actions like screaming, gestures, atmosphere, etc) Conclusion: It's a novel with potential ideas, but I look really forward as to how this novel can stand out in terms of vampire/werewolf novels (and I suppose a dash of romance judging by this novel's genre). So far it's okay, but it can be better and I trust the author is doing their absolute best to give the equally best reading experience for the readers. Keep on writing, author.

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    Scars to Your Beautiful
    Fantasy Romance · MADYAN_WANI
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  • TaintedMetal
    TaintedMetal13d
    Replied to The_Mad_Titan

    Hello. It has been a long while since you posted this comment, and I'd like to extend my apologies for this late reply. This novel was initially part of the WFP - Dystopian category, and I wrote it to gain experience in a contest, but when I won bronze tier for this I was very grateful, as equally grateful I am for this comment. So thank you very much for this review. Though this novel is at an immensely slow pace, I am doing what I can within time management (in addition to my other ongoing novel) to make sure it is written at a nice pace as well giving a smooth reading experience.

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    Killing Yourself to Live
    Magical Realism · TaintedMetal
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