webnovel
Anas_NazimLv42yr
2022-06-15 11:08

So yeah, I have been reading your story from basically the start. And I like what you did with it. The first few chapters (around 20 to 25) weren’t the best. It was good, as you explained about the world building, the different political factions that the MC needs to look out for, the introduction of other characters (That are not cardboard cut outs, and have their own lives and problems.), explaining why he thinks he could start training later (cause of still feeling that Naruto world works like the real world, of course, we won’t see five-year-old training themselves in the gym.) The later chapters, even the recent ones are just gold. Obito changes quite a lot after the Hospital Incident… he doesn’t want to help people at first… as he wants to survive, but then he looks at all the things that they did for him. And gets grips with the situation and goes for it. Sure he had help for the goat Kagami. I like the character development. How he sees his own flaws in thinking. I really like how you made a believable character. One who does mistakes and learns from them. It was great. And then later on, (after awakening his Sharingan) how people mainly the village and Uchiha clan start treating him differently. How clans that aren’t Uchiha are also expanded on. And I also like what you are doing with the Rokushiki techniques. Not just learning it by yourself, as you are making Might Duy and Guy rework the technique. (Of course, One Piece techniques shouldn't work perfectly right off the bat in the Naruto world, things should be different. And a good fighter can rework it. And I like the concept) All in all a great story. The grammar needs a bit of work. But I can see you fixing things here and there. As a writer myself, I kinda know how it’s hard to fix grammar issues when you are not a native speaker. Anyway, I will like the story to be a non-harm. But you can add two or even three wifus, I don’t think that counts as being in the haram category. But meh… your choice.

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Replies8
Fallen_CrownAuthor

I really am thankful for the review. And I do see your point about the first few chapters not being great. (Trust me I get a ton of comments about how the first few chapters are boring.) But thank you for noticing the improvements in my writing. I am kind of a new writer and did read your Marvel Symbiote story before it was taken down. So I am really happy for some other writers looking at my work. I hope I can improve my craft. About the love interest, I will focus on it after he joins team Minato. I won't write a haram, cause everyone is opposed to the idea. But I am still not sure about who he's gonna end up with. Anyway thanks for the review man.

Genjutsu_RinneganLv1

Take atleast 2 girls please .... Can you include tsunade in somehow?

Fallen_Crown:I really am thankful for the review. And I do see your point about the first few chapters not being great. (Trust me I get a ton of comments about how the first few chapters are boring.) But thank you for noticing the improvements in my writing. I am kind of a new writer and did read your Marvel Symbiote story before it was taken down. So I am really happy for some other writers looking at my work. I hope I can improve my craft. About the love interest, I will focus on it after he joins team Minato. I won't write a haram, cause everyone is opposed to the idea. But I am still not sure about who he's gonna end up with. Anyway thanks for the review man.
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Bobnog13Lv1

6-12 year olds fighting and killing grown superhuman men and he acts like this world is like ours? Bruh

finalgetsugaLv1

Dude???

Genjutsu_Rinnegan:Take atleast 2 girls please .... Can you include tsunade in somehow?
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QuandaleGoofyDinglLv4

Genjutsu_Rinnegan:Take atleast 2 girls please .... Can you include tsunade in somehow?
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PolygamyLv4

polygamy ?

Fallen_Crown:I really am thankful for the review. And I do see your point about the first few chapters not being great. (Trust me I get a ton of comments about how the first few chapters are boring.) But thank you for noticing the improvements in my writing. I am kind of a new writer and did read your Marvel Symbiote story before it was taken down. So I am really happy for some other writers looking at my work. I hope I can improve my craft. About the love interest, I will focus on it after he joins team Minato. I won't write a haram, cause everyone is opposed to the idea. But I am still not sure about who he's gonna end up with. Anyway thanks for the review man.
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Cielo96Lv2

Not really surprised. Webnovel community in general is harem obsessed and it leading readers to beg authors....yeah its cringe lol

QuandaleGoofyDingl:
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QuandaleGoofyDinglLv4

it's probably the gif that annoyed me then. I dislike harems but I'll read them if they still (occasionally) are actually a good story, or I'm just that bored.

Cielo96:Not really surprised. Webnovel community in general is harem obsessed and it leading readers to beg authors....yeah its cringe lol
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