webnovel
Anas_Nazim
Anas_NazimLv42yr
2022-05-19 10:32

Good story. Don't see that many grammer mistakes. A slow paced story, with MC who seems real. It's a bit of slow, but the new chapters had good actions. And I already love Kagami's character, a laid back my type of guy. Gives me Nara vibes. And who's Kunia? A swordswoman? lol, but yeah... she's also good character. Best of all is Grandma Mai, a grandma that's worried about his grandson. So yeah, looking forward to the story.

Liked by 9 people

LIKE
Replies8
Fallen_Crown
Fallen_CrownAuthor

Thanks.

God_of_hentai
God_of_hentaiLv14

i have a question a very important one at that

Fallen_Crown:Thanks.
Fallen_Crown
Fallen_CrownAuthor

is it about having 'no aliens' well, I am gonna write my own lore, I didn't like how they brought up chakra.

God_of_hentai:i have a question a very important one at that
God_of_hentai
God_of_hentaiLv14

no not just that the chakra could just he written off as it always being there it just was an evolutionary thing that happened my main thoughts was how the clans themselves mostly uchiha and senju and ahhh hinatas clan(forgit the name) were brought

Fallen_Crown:is it about having 'no aliens' well, I am gonna write my own lore, I didn't like how they brought up chakra.
God_of_hentai
God_of_hentaiLv14

also my caps wasnt me yelling at you it was me yelling at myself having an epiphany

Fallen_Crown:is it about having 'no aliens' well, I am gonna write my own lore, I didn't like how they brought up chakra.
God_of_hentai
God_of_hentaiLv14

that’s actually really intriguing still a few plot holes like where did the first uchiha come from and stuff like that but honestly youve got it pretty much set good luck

The content has been deleted
Fallen_Crown
Fallen_CrownAuthor

Thanks

God_of_hentai:that’s actually really intriguing still a few plot holes like where did the first uchiha come from and stuff like that but honestly youve got it pretty much set good luck
God_of_hentai
God_of_hentaiLv14

ofc

Fallen_Crown:Thanks
Other Reviews
Anas_Nazim
Anas_NazimLv4

So yeah, I have been reading your story from basically the start. And I like what you did with it. The first few chapters (around 20 to 25) weren’t the best. It was good, as you explained about the world building, the different political factions that the MC needs to look out for, the introduction of other characters (That are not cardboard cut outs, and have their own lives and problems.), explaining why he thinks he could start training later (cause of still feeling that Naruto world works like the real world, of course, we won’t see five-year-old training themselves in the gym.) The later chapters, even the recent ones are just gold. Obito changes quite a lot after the Hospital Incident… he doesn’t want to help people at first… as he wants to survive, but then he looks at all the things that they did for him. And gets grips with the situation and goes for it. Sure he had help for the goat Kagami. I like the character development. How he sees his own flaws in thinking. I really like how you made a believable character. One who does mistakes and learns from them. It was great. And then later on, (after awakening his Sharingan) how people mainly the village and Uchiha clan start treating him differently. How clans that aren’t Uchiha are also expanded on. And I also like what you are doing with the Rokushiki techniques. Not just learning it by yourself, as you are making Might Duy and Guy rework the technique. (Of course, One Piece techniques shouldn't work perfectly right off the bat in the Naruto world, things should be different. And a good fighter can rework it. And I like the concept) All in all a great story. The grammar needs a bit of work. But I can see you fixing things here and there. As a writer myself, I kinda know how it’s hard to fix grammar issues when you are not a native speaker. Anyway, I will like the story to be a non-harm. But you can add two or even three wifus, I don’t think that counts as being in the haram category. But meh… your choice.

Atom_Guy
Atom_GuyLv13
Related Stories

Inner Voice: All Heroines Hear My Inner Voice

Reincarnated and traveling to another world, Eiji Seiya initially thought the world was normal. That was what he thought before he met the heroine and protagonist of the franchise he had watched in his previous life. Not only that, after he awakened the Inner Voice System to grow strong by complaining about plot, heroine and protagonist in his heart to get many rewards. He is determined to increase his power so that he can save his home world, the world where he was reincarnated that was hit by the disaster "Honkai" and save beautiful girls like Kiana, Mai, Bronya, Rita and others who had tragic endings in the original works! "I will save them all!" However... Everything went smoothly... Eiji earned rewards every time he changed the plot in another franchise. It's just that... What's wrong with these heroines? Lala Satalin Deviluke who was supposed to be engaged to the protagonist instead became his fiancée. Sona Sitri suddenly called him to the student council office and said she wanted to make a deal with him. Rias Gremory who was supposed to ask the protagonist for help to solve her political marriage problem with Riser Phenex inexplicably came to him. The girls were disgusted at the protagonists of their respective franchises. Something was wrong here! Not only that, heroines like Kotegawa Yui, Sairenji Haruna, Akeno Himejima, Kuroka, Serafall Leviathan, Grayfia Lucifuge, Sakurajima Mai, Ai Hoshino, Kasumigaoka Utaha and others... They like him! All the super beautiful and sexy women that many men in the world covet surround him and leave their respective protagonists. Grayfia even betrayed her husband. Eiji who saw all this was dumbfounded. At first he was confused as to why these heroines were surrounding him, but gradually he realized and knew that it was all happening because ... His inner voice! - The plot that has been changed by the MC: To Love Ru: 83% Highschool DxD: 82% Shinmai Maou no Testament: 92% Oregairu: 89% Saekano: 84% Oshi no Ko: 100% Rascal Does Not Dream Of Bunny Girl Senpai: 100% Mieruko-chan: 89% Trinity Seven: 38% This is the plot change process of the latest chapter and will change as the story progresses. By the way, the grammar at the beginning is bad and will improve as the chapter progresses. However, my writing style will not change much because this is an inner voice novel, which means that there will be many reactions from each character. Oh and in chapter hundreds there will be a group chat to prevent the loss of interaction between the heroines. It's a special chat group for the heroines in the MC's harem. - Get the latest chapters faster on my patreon. Support me on patreon to keep me motivated to write more chapters: www.patreon.com/DogLicker

DogLickerGods · Anime & Comics
4.7
518 Chs