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Akira13
Akira13Lv12yr
2022-06-15 02:52

im dropping at chapter 24. for naruto fanfic, the pace of the story just ain't for me (more slice of life rather than action) another thing is monologue is just to much (imbalance for how little the interaction). anything else is good -4.8 rating cus NO ALIENS

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Replies4
Fallen_Crown
Fallen_CrownAuthor

Dude I would recommend you read a few more chapters, cause the start of the story was a bit slow. I got complains for my readers and speed things up. There is quite a lot of action after chapter 30. (Like the hospital incident) And i did cut down on the monologues there. So I would advise you to read a bit more.

Akira13
Akira13Lv1

sure ¯\_( ❛ ͜ʖ ❛ )_/¯ i guess.

Fallen_Crown:Dude I would recommend you read a few more chapters, cause the start of the story was a bit slow. I got complains for my readers and speed things up. There is quite a lot of action after chapter 30. (Like the hospital incident) And i did cut down on the monologues there. So I would advise you to read a bit more.
BrabbitX
BrabbitXLv5

did you read further? Does it improve? As some1 who is critical of fanfics, I don't even want to try reading the first 30 chapters (judging from all the reviews, I doubt I won't drop it by ch 5)

Akira13:sure ¯\_( ❛ ͜ʖ ❛ )_/¯ i guess.
Jal25
Jal25Lv3

honeslty u just have to keep reading get past chapter 30 and it starts to pick up and once u hit about ch 100 it starts to get good helps that the chapters on on the shorter side so its easier to binge

Other Reviews
Anas_Nazim
Anas_NazimLv4

So yeah, I have been reading your story from basically the start. And I like what you did with it. The first few chapters (around 20 to 25) weren’t the best. It was good, as you explained about the world building, the different political factions that the MC needs to look out for, the introduction of other characters (That are not cardboard cut outs, and have their own lives and problems.), explaining why he thinks he could start training later (cause of still feeling that Naruto world works like the real world, of course, we won’t see five-year-old training themselves in the gym.) The later chapters, even the recent ones are just gold. Obito changes quite a lot after the Hospital Incident… he doesn’t want to help people at first… as he wants to survive, but then he looks at all the things that they did for him. And gets grips with the situation and goes for it. Sure he had help for the goat Kagami. I like the character development. How he sees his own flaws in thinking. I really like how you made a believable character. One who does mistakes and learns from them. It was great. And then later on, (after awakening his Sharingan) how people mainly the village and Uchiha clan start treating him differently. How clans that aren’t Uchiha are also expanded on. And I also like what you are doing with the Rokushiki techniques. Not just learning it by yourself, as you are making Might Duy and Guy rework the technique. (Of course, One Piece techniques shouldn't work perfectly right off the bat in the Naruto world, things should be different. And a good fighter can rework it. And I like the concept) All in all a great story. The grammar needs a bit of work. But I can see you fixing things here and there. As a writer myself, I kinda know how it’s hard to fix grammar issues when you are not a native speaker. Anyway, I will like the story to be a non-harm. But you can add two or even three wifus, I don’t think that counts as being in the haram category. But meh… your choice.

Atom_Guy
Atom_GuyLv14
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