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InHisName
InHisNameLv64yr
2021-02-28 07:48

For the first 50 or so chapters, the author tries his best to characterise the protagonist with a set of characteristics; cunning, scheming, and ruthless. At one point, he was even contemplating whether he should kill his own mother for power! For his ambitions, he is willing to sacrifice anything and everything. And I respect that, truly I do. And then he meets Ashara Dayne (chapter 49). So begins one of the cringiest romances I've ever had the displeasure to read about on this site. During the first meeting, the MC just gapes at Ashara for a whole minute, unable to utter a word. The second meeting MC calls her Ash, and she calls him Ed (MC's full name is Edward). Third meeting, the MC is declaring his undying love for Ashara, solemnly promising in his mind that he will do anything within his power to keep her happy. Even if this means abandoning much of his ambitions (the very same ambitions which led to the MC sending his own father [father!] to death). The MC at this point becomes a feminist's wetdream. If this isn't enough, the object of MC's affections, Ashara Dayne, has two words which best describe her personality: promiscuous slut. In cannon lore, she sleeps with more men than Lys' number 1 prostitute.

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Replies14
GNaNA
GNaNAAuthor

Sorry for that. Those romantic chapter would need some editing. I mentioned that in some later chapters. But Ashara as a love interest had many merits in my eyes. If you read more, you would find why. As for the romantic chapters, I will edit them so sorry for that.

Alien_Space_Bat
Alien_Space_BatLv5

Culture_Lover
Culture_LoverLv12

man, it's not about the romantic chapters, if your fetish is to have a promiscuous wife and you reflect it in the MC is your business, but writing this only under the pretext of putting "plot" to the novel, I think it's not good idea, many ff have fallen for it, however, since it is your novel, it is in your hands to **** it or not

GNaNA:Sorry for that. Those romantic chapter would need some editing. I mentioned that in some later chapters. But Ashara as a love interest had many merits in my eyes. If you read more, you would find why. As for the romantic chapters, I will edit them so sorry for that.
Lize
LizeLv13

eh really? that ashara is a slut? where did you read that? i only know that she is lil sis of sir arthur dayne.. and ed stark lover..... dunno about the whoring thing.. 馃槄馃槄馃槄馃槄

Culture_Lover:man, it's not about the romantic chapters, if your fetish is to have a promiscuous wife and you reflect it in the MC is your business, but writing this only under the pretext of putting "plot" to the novel, I think it's not good idea, many ff have fallen for it, however, since it is your novel, it is in your hands to **** it or not
Mepha
MephaLv1

That's why she slept with Eddard's brother)

Lize:eh really? that ashara is a slut? where did you read that? i only know that she is lil sis of sir arthur dayne.. and ed stark lover..... dunno about the whoring thing.. 馃槄馃槄馃槄馃槄
Wallabalooza
WallabaloozaLv3

lol people taking unproven rumors of canon Ashara, blowing them up a few sizes and calling them fact. Did you even actually read the books? There are rumors of Ashara MAYBE sleeping with one guy at Harrenhal and of getting pregnant (at some point, could be from the same event or the same guy, we simply don't know, if it even happened in the first place), losing the child. Saying she slept with more men than a Lyseni whore is some ******** delusional fanfiction. Having said that, spineless simp MCs are the worst and there's no way I'll read this now.

Herach
HerachLv5

I dropped it at the exact same spot. My main issue with it was that he had so many reasons for and against any of the other options and the only thing going for Ashara was her looks, which he hadn't even seen. Yet for some reason he went to see her. Despite due to his own reasoning, he wouldn't gain anything from marrying into such a small house. For example he even specifically said the exact same reason for why he didn't go for the Mormont girl. She had the thing about being a female warrior going for her though. Ashara literally had nothing, even if something pops up later that still gives him NO reason to have gone there. I was just so pissed off. I just accidentally found it again and had forgotten which fanfic it was until I saw this review. Feck this! I don't have a problem with wish-fullfillment really but don't make a strange mix. Either full on or nothing at all. I thought this would be a logical one.

Herach
HerachLv5

I was also like 99% Certain I had reviewed this before..But that review is gone. Maybe I'm mistaken but I even remember what I wrote in it..

InHisName
InHisNameLv6

The only advantage of courting Ashara was her beauty (talk about superficial). Apart from her beauty she has nothing else going for her - even her personality is terrible. I agree overall, not only was the choice of love interest terrible, but so was the entire romance arc in general.

Herach:I dropped it at the exact same spot. My main issue with it was that he had so many reasons for and against any of the other options and the only thing going for Ashara was her looks, which he hadn't even seen. Yet for some reason he went to see her. Despite due to his own reasoning, he wouldn't gain anything from marrying into such a small house. For example he even specifically said the exact same reason for why he didn't go for the Mormont girl. She had the thing about being a female warrior going for her though. Ashara literally had nothing, even if something pops up later that still gives him NO reason to have gone there. I was just so pissed off. I just accidentally found it again and had forgotten which fanfic it was until I saw this review. Feck this! I don't have a problem with wish-fullfillment really but don't make a strange mix. Either full on or nothing at all. I thought this would be a logical one.
xmxzmKCn_xxzx
xmxzmKCn_xxzxLv1

well, she's not alive anymore

nek8
nek8Lv14

femisnist wetdream lmao

Alien_Space_Bat
Alien_Space_BatLv5

merit you said[img=faceslap]

GNaNA:Sorry for that. Those romantic chapter would need some editing. I mentioned that in some later chapters. But Ashara as a love interest had many merits in my eyes. If you read more, you would find why. As for the romantic chapters, I will edit them so sorry for that.
Dark_Scholars
Dark_ScholarsLv13

Haven't thought of it this way 馃 Wonder what fantasy Harem writers have in real life?

Culture_Lover:man, it's not about the romantic chapters, if your fetish is to have a promiscuous wife and you reflect it in the MC is your business, but writing this only under the pretext of putting "plot" to the novel, I think it's not good idea, many ff have fallen for it, however, since it is your novel, it is in your hands to **** it or not
Hajile_Napka
Hajile_NapkaLv3

Bro you just killed it for me. I had already started it, but just decided to check back the reviews. With this, I don't think i can continue

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OukisLips
OukisLipsLv15

Writing Quality: 2 stars ---Decent grammar and spelling (relative to this site, not even close to professional grade though). However, the author uses many terms that simply aren't used in Game of Thrones, such as "hey." Stability of Updates: 5 stars ---The stability of updates is rather good. There's a bit of a lull during the holidays but otherwise it's very consistent at the time of this review. Story Development: 3 stars ---Nothing much to say here. The story is only 9 chapters in, and the story development is pretty standard for a Game of Thrones fanfiction Character Design: 1 star ---The main character is ok. However, every other character is essentially just an NPC, with no other reason for being other than granting the MC's ridiculous requests. --- 5 year old MC: "Father, give me a 1,000 soldiers and trainees to use as I wish with no oversight!" --- MC's father: "Sure son, no problem. Anything else I can do for you today?" --- MC: "Yeah, give me some children to brainwash to be loyal to me, despite me not being the heir." ----MC's father: "Sure son, no problem. Anything else I can do for you today?" ---I'm not even exaggerating this. This is essentially how the conversation was written in the story. World Background: 1 star ---Like I mentioned before, some of the words used in dialogue is incongruous with the Game of Thrones setting. Then there's things like the MC dual wielding two great-swords despite not having any enhanced strength. A lot of the small details in this story are incredibly ridiculous and simply don't fit with the setting. And the large details were created by GRRM, so I don't really consider them while rating this story. Thus, one star for world background

TrueImmortal
TrueImmortalLv6

This review is gonna be very harsh. This story is so ridiculously stupid that i actually laugh out loud sometimes at its stupidity. Everything and i mean EVERYTHING goes the Mc way for no reason at all, literally nothing happens that doesn't benefit him immensely. Also the Mc is for some reason this ultimate badass so much so that Tywin freaking Lannister is afraid of him for no damn reason. There are a lot of stuff that i could complain about like him becoming the lord of Stormlands which would NEVER happen since he is not the oldest, westeros rules are very strict in that regard, or him somehow (by somehow i mean in a way that would never work) making the Stormlands extremely rich, the richest actually, in a laughably short amout of time (he is making MILLIONS of gold in pure profit every month) but let's focus on the recent ones. During the rebellion he negotiates a deal so ridiculous that even if i try to read this ff with my brain shut off the sheer amount of stupidity shocks it back on. He tells Jon Arryn that he will only join the rebellion if after it's success they will recognize Stormlands as an independent kingdom lol. But as ridiculous as that is it doesn't end there, he also demands a HUGE portion of Targaryen gold like half or something hahaha. If you thought he was done you are wrong, he also demands that all the lands he takes over will belong to his new kingdom. Do i have to even explain why everything he demands is literally Impossible? But of course just like everything else all goes his way. You know what, i will give a few reasons why it would not work just in case some idiot thinks this will work For example: when Aegon Conquered westeros he appointed great houses as Lord Paramounts and gave them the authority to reign within their region as they see fit, as long as they pay taxes and follow the Kings Laws of course. Now why did he do it? Becouse he wasn't stupid enough to think that noble houses that followed and served the great houses for THOUSANDS OF YEARS would simply abandon them and be loyal to his house from that point on. So if Edward (the Mc) takes over some of the Reaches lands, one third in fact lol, the noble houses in that region would never be loyal to him. Their loyalty will remain with their Liege lords and/or the House that they're sworn to. The House Tyrell struggled and still Struggles to gain their loyalty for now 300 years. And the only reason why they had some success is because they would marry in to those houses like Olenna frome the Redwynes or Mace wife from House Hightower. Also why the Tyrells were so obsessed with having marriage ties wit royal family to strengthen their hold on the Reach. Also a perfect example would be some Houses in crownlands don't pay taxes and when tax collectors are send to them, they either don't return or only a small number makes it back with only a portion of the taxes.

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