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OukisLips
OukisLipsLv154yr
2020-12-30 23:43

Writing Quality: 2 stars ---Decent grammar and spelling (relative to this site, not even close to professional grade though). However, the author uses many terms that simply aren't used in Game of Thrones, such as "hey." Stability of Updates: 5 stars ---The stability of updates is rather good. There's a bit of a lull during the holidays but otherwise it's very consistent at the time of this review. Story Development: 3 stars ---Nothing much to say here. The story is only 9 chapters in, and the story development is pretty standard for a Game of Thrones fanfiction Character Design: 1 star ---The main character is ok. However, every other character is essentially just an NPC, with no other reason for being other than granting the MC's ridiculous requests. --- 5 year old MC: "Father, give me a 1,000 soldiers and trainees to use as I wish with no oversight!" --- MC's father: "Sure son, no problem. Anything else I can do for you today?" --- MC: "Yeah, give me some children to brainwash to be loyal to me, despite me not being the heir." ----MC's father: "Sure son, no problem. Anything else I can do for you today?" ---I'm not even exaggerating this. This is essentially how the conversation was written in the story. World Background: 1 star ---Like I mentioned before, some of the words used in dialogue is incongruous with the Game of Thrones setting. Then there's things like the MC dual wielding two great-swords despite not having any enhanced strength. A lot of the small details in this story are incredibly ridiculous and simply don't fit with the setting. And the large details were created by GRRM, so I don't really consider them while rating this story. Thus, one star for world background

Liked by 85 people

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Replies15
Uncle_Sheogorath
Uncle_SheogorathLv4

Dual-wielding 2 greatswords??? Yeah, this fanfic is in top 1% of silly fics.

GNaNA
GNaNAAuthor

Sorry, Bro. Thanks for your review. I had already modified the first chapters. See if the modifications were alright.

OukisLips
OukisLipsLv15

The changes look good. Thanks for taking the time to edit them. Sorry if my review was harsh. I tried to make the criticism as constructive as possible, but I probably went overboard with some of it. But the story definitely shows potential. I'm looking forward to future chapters...

GNaNA:Sorry, Bro. Thanks for your review. I had already modified the first chapters. See if the modifications were alright.
GNaNA
GNaNAAuthor

On the contrary, I wish all the reviews to be as detailed as yours so that I would knew where I need to improve.

OukisLips:The changes look good. Thanks for taking the time to edit them. Sorry if my review was harsh. I tried to make the criticism as constructive as possible, but I probably went overboard with some of it. But the story definitely shows potential. I'm looking forward to future chapters...
TheFirstGod
TheFirstGodLv2

Jiomi
JiomiLv13

so this is 12/5 stars, pretty impressive

Dayside
DaysideLv12

Gotta love how a teenager somehow owns a fucking Winery.

billy_hebert
billy_hebertLv4

underrated comment.

Jiomi:so this is 12/5 stars, pretty impressive
HiddenReader
HiddenReaderLv3

Kr0n
Kr0nLv11

takes a great men to public admit his wrongs

GNaNA:Sorry, Bro. Thanks for your review. I had already modified the first chapters. See if the modifications were alright.
Konrad_The_Fourth
Konrad_The_FourthLv4

Does this have lemons?

Lucy_Carla
Lucy_CarlaLv4

dont care othe say, just make him meet ROB... give him some benefit and.. Boom, Dual-wielding Twin Greatsword...

Jammes_Jammes1006
Jammes_Jammes1006Lv1

greatsword that are meant for combat are not that heavy weighing in at around 6 pounds and mc is just a taller robert so shouldn't be too difficult but the main problem is just that swords would probably get in each others way do to how long they soo a single greatsword would be more practical

Genn_stars
Genn_starsLv3

and it'll be absurdly suspicious considering how heavy they are and the fact that game of thrones is a world with little to no magic, to the point that even a minor boost is impossible, even lifting a drop of water in the air is impossible, and dual wielding is uncomfortable and unpractical af, as well as incredibly unrealistic.

Lucy_Carla:dont care othe say, just make him meet ROB... give him some benefit and.. Boom, Dual-wielding Twin Greatsword...
image
Genn_stars
Genn_starsLv3

and the fact that blocking is incredibly difficult, it's just soo much better to have a shield, if you want to boast about your strength, just use a tower shield with your greatsword and get over it.

Jammes_Jammes1006: greatsword that are meant for combat are not that heavy weighing in at around 6 pounds and mc is just a taller robert so shouldn't be too difficult but the main problem is just that swords would probably get in each others way do to how long they soo a single greatsword would be more practical
Other Reviews
TrueImmortal
TrueImmortalLv6

This review is gonna be very harsh. This story is so ridiculously stupid that i actually laugh out loud sometimes at its stupidity. Everything and i mean EVERYTHING goes the Mc way for no reason at all, literally nothing happens that doesn't benefit him immensely. Also the Mc is for some reason this ultimate badass so much so that Tywin freaking Lannister is afraid of him for no damn reason. There are a lot of stuff that i could complain about like him becoming the lord of Stormlands which would NEVER happen since he is not the oldest, westeros rules are very strict in that regard, or him somehow (by somehow i mean in a way that would never work) making the Stormlands extremely rich, the richest actually, in a laughably short amout of time (he is making MILLIONS of gold in pure profit every month) but let's focus on the recent ones. During the rebellion he negotiates a deal so ridiculous that even if i try to read this ff with my brain shut off the sheer amount of stupidity shocks it back on. He tells Jon Arryn that he will only join the rebellion if after it's success they will recognize Stormlands as an independent kingdom lol. But as ridiculous as that is it doesn't end there, he also demands a HUGE portion of Targaryen gold like half or something hahaha. If you thought he was done you are wrong, he also demands that all the lands he takes over will belong to his new kingdom. Do i have to even explain why everything he demands is literally Impossible? But of course just like everything else all goes his way. You know what, i will give a few reasons why it would not work just in case some idiot thinks this will work For example: when Aegon Conquered westeros he appointed great houses as Lord Paramounts and gave them the authority to reign within their region as they see fit, as long as they pay taxes and follow the Kings Laws of course. Now why did he do it? Becouse he wasn't stupid enough to think that noble houses that followed and served the great houses for THOUSANDS OF YEARS would simply abandon them and be loyal to his house from that point on. So if Edward (the Mc) takes over some of the Reaches lands, one third in fact lol, the noble houses in that region would never be loyal to him. Their loyalty will remain with their Liege lords and/or the House that they're sworn to. The House Tyrell struggled and still Struggles to gain their loyalty for now 300 years. And the only reason why they had some success is because they would marry in to those houses like Olenna frome the Redwynes or Mace wife from House Hightower. Also why the Tyrells were so obsessed with having marriage ties wit royal family to strengthen their hold on the Reach. Also a perfect example would be some Houses in crownlands don't pay taxes and when tax collectors are send to them, they either don't return or only a small number makes it back with only a portion of the taxes.

Sculp
SculpLv12
Drakknml
DrakknmlLv3
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