Great premise, with SL fanfics being rare, I was excited. And the start was decent. But the author drops the ball hard on the romance part (which mind you is a big part of the story). By drop the ball hard, I mean France vs Italy World Cup Zidane level of hard. The MC is just a lying creep, he wants to woo the Romantic Interest but just stalks her and lies through his teeth ALL the TIME. And not white lies to protect her, or to hide his secrets etc, naah, just lies for the sake of lies. It's really hard to read without getting chills due to how creepy the mc comes off as. There's also his whole "nice guy" act, Reddit level "Nice Guy" too. Not my cup of tea.
Liked by 70 people
LIKEThank you for taking the time to read it. Sorry if it came out harsh, that wasn't my intention, I was just frustrated by how I felt like the MC's character ruined a great premise, especially since SL fanfics aren't common. I really hope you continue writing, there are also people who enjoy your book, and I hope you keep improving. A parting advice I could give, is that creepy, manipulating or/and pervy main characters work, they just require some really good writing to keep the readers interesting. Like the pervy MC of Chainsaw man; The creepy Jame Gumb aka Buffalo Bill or Norman Bates in Psycho; And the manipulating Lelouch in code guess, or the brilliant Yoshino Takigawa in Blast of Tempest. The point I'm trying to make, is that all these characters had something that kept the readers engaged and interested in them, be it their twisted world-view, sheer horror, mystery around their end-goal, or just some redeeming feature. So I guess try giving your MC some of that. Maybe other than lying to her just to get her because he "loves" her (which he said but never showed), you depict him having moments of genuine care for her. Or make him a mythomaniac who just can't help himself but lie, instead of just laying for the sake of it when he could tell the truth... Just food for thought. Anyway, good luck on your future endeavours and have a great day ❤️
Svneighter:Thanks for the review.
Cringe
Odil:Thank you for taking the time to read it. Sorry if it came out harsh, that wasn't my intention, I was just frustrated by how I felt like the MC's character ruined a great premise, especially since SL fanfics aren't common. I really hope you continue writing, there are also people who enjoy your book, and I hope you keep improving. A parting advice I could give, is that creepy, manipulating or/and pervy main characters work, they just require some really good writing to keep the readers interesting. Like the pervy MC of Chainsaw man; The creepy Jame Gumb aka Buffalo Bill or Norman Bates in Psycho; And the manipulating Lelouch in code guess, or the brilliant Yoshino Takigawa in Blast of Tempest. The point I'm trying to make, is that all these characters had something that kept the readers engaged and interested in them, be it their twisted world-view, sheer horror, mystery around their end-goal, or just some redeeming feature. So I guess try giving your MC some of that. Maybe other than lying to her just to get her because he "loves" her (which he said but never showed), you depict him having moments of genuine care for her. Or make him a mythomaniac who just can't help himself but lie, instead of just laying for the sake of it when he could tell the truth... Just food for thought. Anyway, good luck on your future endeavours and have a great day ❤️