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OSQ
OSQLv41yr
2023-06-30 10:56

No tiene kamui........................................ ...................................................................................................................................

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Anas_Nazim
Anas_NazimLv4

So yeah, I have been reading your story from basically the start. And I like what you did with it. The first few chapters (around 20 to 25) weren’t the best. It was good, as you explained about the world building, the different political factions that the MC needs to look out for, the introduction of other characters (That are not cardboard cut outs, and have their own lives and problems.), explaining why he thinks he could start training later (cause of still feeling that Naruto world works like the real world, of course, we won’t see five-year-old training themselves in the gym.) The later chapters, even the recent ones are just gold. Obito changes quite a lot after the Hospital Incident… he doesn’t want to help people at first… as he wants to survive, but then he looks at all the things that they did for him. And gets grips with the situation and goes for it. Sure he had help for the goat Kagami. I like the character development. How he sees his own flaws in thinking. I really like how you made a believable character. One who does mistakes and learns from them. It was great. And then later on, (after awakening his Sharingan) how people mainly the village and Uchiha clan start treating him differently. How clans that aren’t Uchiha are also expanded on. And I also like what you are doing with the Rokushiki techniques. Not just learning it by yourself, as you are making Might Duy and Guy rework the technique. (Of course, One Piece techniques shouldn't work perfectly right off the bat in the Naruto world, things should be different. And a good fighter can rework it. And I like the concept) All in all a great story. The grammar needs a bit of work. But I can see you fixing things here and there. As a writer myself, I kinda know how it’s hard to fix grammar issues when you are not a native speaker. Anyway, I will like the story to be a non-harm. But you can add two or even three wifus, I don’t think that counts as being in the haram category. But meh… your choice.

Atom_Guy
Atom_GuyLv13
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Pokemon Alternate Universe Adventures

A man from an Earth gets the choice to start over in any Universe and chooses an Alternate Pokemon Universe. Let us see if his journey to the top is succesful and the impact he will have on his new world. Pokemon is owned by Nintendo, Game Freak and Creatures Inc. I just use their sandbox for the plot of my MC and my OCs. This will be a "slow" paced story, in fact it's "super slow paced", so please don't expect the MC to directly start his journey in 20 chapters or so, actually multiply that by like 15. A lot is going to happen before that happens. The first 10-20 chapters or so are information heavy, depending on what kind of reader you are. I try to keep my chapter length between 2000 and 3000 words per chapter. My release rate is 4 chapter/week for now. I have a patre*n for those that want to support me with access to some advance chapters as a thank you. patre*n.com/Azrail93 This is an alternate pokemon universe so there will be differences to the games, manga and anime. So if something in the story is different it is most likely on purpose. The original sources are seen as suggestions not laws. Differences can be: Type variants, evolution conditions, strength mechanics, world building and more. If I am at some point asking for reader input I will do so but otherwise I will ignore most suggestions. So please don't spam things like catch this pokemon or do that next. I have my plot planned and external input will be considered when asked for. If I see a suggestion that I believe fit my plot flow I will use it and will credit the commentor. Comments on spelling and grammar mistakes are welcome. I will try to correct said mistakes with time. Constructive criticism will be read and considered. Insult and hate comments will be ignored or deleted depending on severity. Readers naturally can comment their dislike but one worders will be ignored. If the reason for the dislike is explained I will read it. Like previously mentioned pure insults and hate comments will be ignored or deleted. The same is true for simple hate reviews or insulting ones. Reviews complaining about something I warned about, such as the slow pace, will be deleted as well.

Azrail93 · Anime & Comics
4.6
799 Chs