webnovel
GianP
GianPLv64yr
2020-06-21 10:43

So I should leave a review since I had great hope for this novel, but was disappointed. I will list the problems: 1. Grammar ...simply, it sucks. I can understand that English is not the author's first language, but there are like 10 grammar mistakes each chapter. Please, use a proofreader it's really distracting from the story. There, they're and their are different. Please learn it. 2. Writing style The limites of the language hits hard in the style department. Since the author doesn't master the language, phrases are always linear and simple, concepts are expressed one at a time etc... This impacts the story since it seems the actors themselves are basic. 3. Plot holes, world building, etc I understand you don't want infodumps, and you also don't want to spoiler the story but... Seriously, try to give a reason for things happening, and not at chapter 1000 since people will not arrive there. Sen is acting like a true 5 yo even being a 1000 yo dragon. Is there a good reason? Maybe. Without explaining, or even an hypotesis, this is simply a plot hole. Whatever is inside the mind of the author doesn't count, only what is written. And don't go "but normal books can explain after 200 pages, why can't I?" Normal books are supposed to be perfect in language use, have been read and revisited multiple time by the author and the editor team, so the reader is somewhat assured that the story is somewhat decent. On webnovel the author publishes BEFORE finishing the story and often before checking for errors. Maybe in chapter 300 the author is like "oooops for plot reason I need this in chapter 30... Too bad it's already published. Let's hope nobody notices" while in a normal book you would go and modify chapter 30 to be coherent. Now, I have gone for a bit of a rant here. TL;DR: the story is simple but ha potential... Wasted because of poor English and oversimplification

Liked by 45 people

LIKE
Replies13
JKSManga
JKSMangaAuthor

Actually English is my first language and I am from the Uk, I am actually an English teacher as well. The problem is that I have to write chapters daily for all three of my novels, which doesn't give me much time to catch the mistakes. Of course, I know the difference between over there, their things and They are. In the summer, i can go back and change this. I don't know how far you got but it was my first time writing a novel in first person which was why it was hard for me to fully express myself. later on, I change the story to the third person and the writing gets a lot better and more descriptive. Multiple people have brought up the plot holes at the begging but honestly, the only thing people don't like is the fact that they expected the MC to act one way when the MC doesn't; I:e like some ancient dragon instead of a five Year old. This is explained later on but I am unsure whether or not I should go back and edit because right now more people like the story then don't. Thank you for the detailed review. And will fix the grammar mistakes once I get my summer holiday break.

GianP
GianPLv6

Thank you for your reply. I'm at chapter 66. The final thing that pushed me to write this review was the decision to go to the red door. I mean, Sen just saw a "white glowing ball" that tells him "I will tell you my secrets" and BAM he's ready to risk everything to go there, without reason. Don't get me wrong when I said he doesn't act like a 1000 yo dragon. I don't want or expect him to be bloodthirsty or cruel. I'm totally fine with him gradually liking humanity. I also don't dislike the slow development (of the story or his powers) as other people commented. What pushes me off is an unimmersive character that takes unbelievable actions because plot demands it. If you say the story will receive a grammar check after the summer... Maybe I will try again then, and change the review :)

GianP
GianPLv6

So, as promised I'm interested in coming back... did you have the possibility to correct the early mistakes? I'm interested, but otherwise I wwill old off from this novel :)

JKSManga:Actually English is my first language and I am from the Uk, I am actually an English teacher as well. The problem is that I have to write chapters daily for all three of my novels, which doesn't give me much time to catch the mistakes. Of course, I know the difference between over there, their things and They are. In the summer, i can go back and change this. I don't know how far you got but it was my first time writing a novel in first person which was why it was hard for me to fully express myself. later on, I change the story to the third person and the writing gets a lot better and more descriptive. Multiple people have brought up the plot holes at the begging but honestly, the only thing people don't like is the fact that they expected the MC to act one way when the MC doesn't; I:e like some ancient dragon instead of a five Year old. This is explained later on but I am unsure whether or not I should go back and edit because right now more people like the story then don't. Thank you for the detailed review. And will fix the grammar mistakes once I get my summer holiday break.
JKSManga
JKSMangaAuthor

actually no I didn't, I think during that time I made a new no el that went to rank one on the site and has been ever since I have been.focusing on.writjng new chapters for both series and haven't had time to go back and correct。 although I did recently quit my job so now am a full time author. by recently I mean 2 days ago

GianP:So, as promised I'm interested in coming back... did you have the possibility to correct the early mistakes? I'm interested, but otherwise I wwill old off from this novel :)
GianP
GianPLv6

Congratulations for the now full time job as an author are in order then! Good luck with your life then, and I hope you will find the time to polish your stories and have a quality over quantity philosophy (but I can understand that many people prefer the other way) .

JKSManga:actually no I didn't, I think during that time I made a new no el that went to rank one on the site and has been ever since I have been.focusing on.writjng new chapters for both series and haven't had time to go back and correct。 although I did recently quit my job so now am a full time author. by recently I mean 2 days ago
Mel_Aniv
Mel_AnivLv4

Congrats author for winning the spirity awards contest! It gives me hope when I am looking at you!

JKSManga:actually no I didn't, I think during that time I made a new no el that went to rank one on the site and has been ever since I have been.focusing on.writjng new chapters for both series and haven't had time to go back and correct。 although I did recently quit my job so now am a full time author. by recently I mean 2 days ago
LOLRIP
LOLRIPLv3

That's rough

JKSManga:Actually English is my first language and I am from the Uk, I am actually an English teacher as well. The problem is that I have to write chapters daily for all three of my novels, which doesn't give me much time to catch the mistakes. Of course, I know the difference between over there, their things and They are. In the summer, i can go back and change this. I don't know how far you got but it was my first time writing a novel in first person which was why it was hard for me to fully express myself. later on, I change the story to the third person and the writing gets a lot better and more descriptive. Multiple people have brought up the plot holes at the begging but honestly, the only thing people don't like is the fact that they expected the MC to act one way when the MC doesn't; I:e like some ancient dragon instead of a five Year old. This is explained later on but I am unsure whether or not I should go back and edit because right now more people like the story then don't. Thank you for the detailed review. And will fix the grammar mistakes once I get my summer holiday break.
RhondaBahr
RhondaBahrLv14

who cares if you get the point then continue on otherwise shut the f up

RhondaBahr
RhondaBahrLv14

mistakes happen people are human after all. good book can't put it down but can't afford to keep paying to read it. nora roberts books where the only ones I couldn't put down untill now. but I'm on a fixed income so I came only read one page at a time now untill I get a fast pass or something.

JKSManga:actually no I didn't, I think during that time I made a new no el that went to rank one on the site and has been ever since I have been.focusing on.writjng new chapters for both series and haven't had time to go back and correct。 although I did recently quit my job so now am a full time author. by recently I mean 2 days ago
gemivap157
gemivap157Lv1

Is the book finished? All I see is the chapter 533 is the end and it is not increasing.

JKSManga:Actually English is my first language and I am from the Uk, I am actually an English teacher as well. The problem is that I have to write chapters daily for all three of my novels, which doesn't give me much time to catch the mistakes. Of course, I know the difference between over there, their things and They are. In the summer, i can go back and change this. I don't know how far you got but it was my first time writing a novel in first person which was why it was hard for me to fully express myself. later on, I change the story to the third person and the writing gets a lot better and more descriptive. Multiple people have brought up the plot holes at the begging but honestly, the only thing people don't like is the fact that they expected the MC to act one way when the MC doesn't; I:e like some ancient dragon instead of a five Year old. This is explained later on but I am unsure whether or not I should go back and edit because right now more people like the story then don't. Thank you for the detailed review. And will fix the grammar mistakes once I get my summer holiday break.
JKSManga
JKSMangaAuthor

Yes the book is complete but it's part of a trilogy series. My Dragon My werewolf My vampire but if you want to read them in release order My dragon My vampire My werewolf

gemivap157:Is the book finished? All I see is the chapter 533 is the end and it is not increasing.
YoungDagger22
YoungDagger22Lv1

hi, question Who is stronger, quinn or gary?

JKSManga:Actually English is my first language and I am from the Uk, I am actually an English teacher as well. The problem is that I have to write chapters daily for all three of my novels, which doesn't give me much time to catch the mistakes. Of course, I know the difference between over there, their things and They are. In the summer, i can go back and change this. I don't know how far you got but it was my first time writing a novel in first person which was why it was hard for me to fully express myself. later on, I change the story to the third person and the writing gets a lot better and more descriptive. Multiple people have brought up the plot holes at the begging but honestly, the only thing people don't like is the fact that they expected the MC to act one way when the MC doesn't; I:e like some ancient dragon instead of a five Year old. This is explained later on but I am unsure whether or not I should go back and edit because right now more people like the story then don't. Thank you for the detailed review. And will fix the grammar mistakes once I get my summer holiday break.
Night_wolfmhd
Night_wolfmhdLv2

Quinn without a doubt, He is now literally a god with a lot of followers and he can go toe to toe with other gods.

YoungDagger22:hi, question Who is stronger, quinn or gary?
Other Reviews
TheGoodAce
TheGoodAceLv11
El_Shadi
El_ShadiLv13
AshWritesThings
AshWritesThingsLv2
Related Stories

I AM A MAGE BUT WITH MILF SYSTEM

****EXTREMELY SMUTTY **CAUTION: CONTAINS ELEMENT OF TABOO, Julian, the son of Duke Alden and the grandson of Grand Duke Augustus stood Infront of the crystalline ball that emanated mana. The crystal absorbed his mana and started glowing with purplish hue, with a sparks of lightning. "Yes, I have unlocked Lightning Affinity," Julian said, a spark of excitement lighting up his blue eyes. Suddenly, the ball began absorbing too much mana, Julian's eyes widened in horror as the energy swirled out of control, crackling with an intensity that was and terrifying. Just as he realized the danger, the ball erupted in a blinding flash, a shockwave of power surging outward. Julian wasn't hurt, but he felt a strange sensation as a dark mist swirled in front of him. Suddenly, he saw a strange entity, a shadowy figure, slip into his forehead. Then, Julian heard an unfamiliar sound echo in his head: “WELCOME TO THE MILF SYSTEM.” Connecting....Success Initializing.......Success “FUCK THE MILFS AND GET STRONGER, CONQUER THE MILFS, CONQUER THE WORLD.” , The voice said Curiosity piqued, Julian quickly asked, "Can you tell me more about the MILF SYSTEM?" The voice continued, "Sure, The MILF SYSTEM will help you reach unimaginable power as a mage. You will need to complete the tasks assigned to you and earn points." ********************* MILF SYSTEM - TASK POINTS CHART Handjob - 10 Points Blowjob - 20 Points Sex - 75 Points Creampie - 100 Points Threesome - 200 Points Spank - 15 Points Anal - 150 Points ********************* Julian grinned, excitement bubbling up inside him. “Well, if that’s what I should do to be stronger, I guess we don’t have any other choice,” he declared, determination shining in his blue eyes ************** [Huge Harem] [In Depth R-18] [Hardcore Fetishes] [Extreme Sex] [Gore] [Big Boobs] [MILF] [Best Girls] [Anal] [Threesome] [Foursome] [N-some] [Big ass] [Impregnation] Some smut scene may contain: [Spitting] [Slapping] [BDSM] [No NTR - No sharing - No mind control - No drugs or potions that influence the girls A lot of Netori and Stealing] Contains long and detailed smut.

author_210 · Fantasy
4.6
321 Chs