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The Eldrim Cards Legacy

Fantasia
Contínuo · 1.3M Modos de exibição
  • 308 Chs
    Conteúdo
  • 4.7
    31 Avaliações
  • NO.200+
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Sinopse

Growing up in a cursed world, brought up in a country of warriors and soldiers, Nero was always eager for the day he would awaken his innate ability, and gain the chance to become an Eldrim Card master! Eager for the day he could fight against hell, hail and damnation itself and rid the world of its many curses. But the day his older brother was framed and sent to the frontlines to die, he woke up to a new truth. The notions of his youth - camaraderie, brotherhood, patriotism - they are all fake, and in the eyes of the powerful he and his ilk were just cannon fodder. In this cursed world, humans were curses too. He continued to wait for the day he could awaken power and rid the world of its curses - all of them! WSA 2024 Hey guys, for access to maps, character pictures and more check out the discord. For those that don't use discord, I'll think of something so you can see them as well! Discord: https://discord.gg/yqCkHedcUP

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Chapter 1Streaks of gold

Streaks of the golden morning light illuminated the room peeking in from behind the blinds, thin fine particles of dust visible as they danced in the light. The faint sounds of birds singing melodiously in the distance could be heard through the open window, which allowed some of the cool morning breeze into the room. Regardless of the time of year, the breeze was always cool in Aetherpeak.

The fresh air had done the room some good, though its only occupant, who was sleeping like the dead, would hardly notice.

There was a set of folded clothes laid out neatly on the room's only chair, though right beside them, on the floor, some old clothes lay crumpled into a ball, the scent of sweat wafting off of them. There was a pair of sneakers near the bed with an unusual bulge near the middle, where a pair of worn socks had been shoved into them.

On the plastic bedside table, beside a notebook filled equally with scribbles and notes, were a couple of devices and a rectangular, metallic case. One of the devices was an unusual metallic tray with a hand imprint made on it, while the other seemed as if it was made entirely from glass.

The device made of glass suddenly lit up and began playing energetic music extremely loudly. The room's occupant, who had moments ago been sleeping deeply, was startled awake and slammed his hand down on the phone, abruptly turning the alarm off.

Nero, who only realised he was awake after the cacophony that was his alarm had been shut off, groaned as he fell back into bed. He had spent another night studying up the history of Kolar, trying to trace the origins of its many noble warrior lineages, and so he hadn't gotten nearly enough sleep. Oddly, as if aware of what happened, a woman yelled from outside the room.

"Wake up Nero! If I'm late to work again because of you, I'm going to wax your armpits!"

The teenager, who had thrown himself back into bed filled with feelings of reluctance and regret, trembled at the threat and forcefully opened his eyes to ensure he did not fall back asleep. His mother never made false promises, and she never exaggerated.

Nero let out a remorseful wail as he forced himself to stay awake.

"Threats and blackmail are a violation of my human rights!" he yelled at his door.

The door swung open to reveal a tall, beautiful woman dressed formally, in the middle of making her hair. The long, blue hair needed constant tending due to how silky it was - a source of eternal regret as well as pride for the woman. Her fair, unblemished skin gave her a timeless grace, and an agelessness one could only envy.

"In this house, kids don't have human rights," she said as if it was a matter of fact. "Now wake up, and quickly get ready. There should be some warm water for your shower, and we can grab breakfast on the go. I have an early morning today, so we can't waste time."

"Can you guys keep it down? I'm trying to sleep here," yelled someone from across the hall, though his voice sounded too excited, as bragging rather than complaining.

"Shut up Edward!" the woman yelled back with a fierceness only a wife could show towards her husband. Yet, instead of being offended, the sound of chuckling could be heard from the bedroom. Edward seemed most pleased at the fact that he could sleep in while everyone else had to get up early.

"Marilyn, you're the one screaming!" he yelled back, laughing all the while.

Nero, by now, was completely awake, and the last vestiges of his comfortable sleep could only be seen as grains of sand beside his eyes. Taking in a deep breath, he let out a sigh as he rolled off the bed and jumped onto his feet.

His parents, who had a remarkably happy and healthy relationship, were busy yelling at each other as his father, for some odd reason, never missed a chance to wake up early and let everyone else in the house know that he would continue to sleep for a few more hours after everyone else left.

Nero grimaced and wished his mom victory this fine morning. How dare that old man sleep comfortably while he had to wake up at the completely unreasonable time of 7 in the morning?

He reached for his phone and checked for any notifications while he pressed his left hand onto the second device on his bedside table, as was his morning routine. The device flashed a pleasant green light and released a delightful notification sound in the form of bells ringing. But Nero had already moved away by then, and completely missed it. 

He was so focused on his friends group chat that he did not notice at all that his usual morning routine was different, if only slightly so. The light on the device was green instead of the red he had seen since the tender age of eight, but what did that matter?

"What do you mean, you're not coming?" Nero furiously typed into the chat. "We saved up for weeks for this! It's the Green Hurricanes first fight back in his hometown! I heard rumours they even caught a couple of Shadow Deers just so that he can show off his upgraded innate card! I massaged my father's feet for a week to get permission for this! How can you pull out now?"

Nero's motivation to watch this fight was beyond just the simple admiration of a normal teenager, but why did he need to elaborate on his intentions every time he did something? This could be a good way to spend time with his friends as well as gain something productive.

The device on his bedside released another notification sound, indicating that it had forwarded the results to the preset people once it achieved a positive result. In the background, the sound of his parents arguing suddenly stopped, but Nero did not notice at all.

"Who cares if Wendy agreed to go on a date with you? It's bros first, it's always bros first! Don't tell me you're going to ditch your bros just because of some girl? On fight night of all nights!"

Nero ignored the sounds of furniture being dragged aside as he went into the bathroom and shut the door behind him. He began to brush his teeth with one hand while he continued to type with his other hand.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE NOT GOING TO MISS THE FIGHT? ARE YOU GOING TO THE FIGHT WITH WENDY INSTEAD OF US? @RhinoRider67 WAKE THE HELL UP, WE NEED TO GO BEAT SOMEONE UP!"

Furiously, he spit out his toothpaste and turned on the shower, his eyes glaring at his phone. He had never felt so betrayed. He was the one who got those tickets! How dare his friend use them without him?

He stuck his hand into the water to check if it was warm, but then quickly pulled it back out. Of course, it wasn't warm. He had been lied to once again! Betrayal was around every corner this morning. What happened to the sanctity of one's given word? What happened to-

Nero suddenly realised he had opened the tap for the cold water. He was about to switch the taps when someone started banging on the bathroom door.

"Nero, get out here!" his mother yelled.

"We still have plenty of time. Relax, geez," Nero responded, though his focus was still on his phone.

"Nero, come outside!" yelled his father's voice, taking the teenager by surprise. The old man actually got out of bed?

"Fine, fine, I'm coming!" he said as he put his phone in his pocket. His attention, though, was still on his friend. The situation could still be salvaged if he played his cards well. They'd have to do something in school. He'd already reduced his daily training time in his schedule to accommodate the fight, so there was no way he was missing it. But going alone was too inefficient. He needed to utilise his time in the best way possible.

He opened the door and found both his parents, his mother standing there in her suit, his father in his pyjamas, looking at him with overly animated expressions.

"What is it?" he asked as his heart dropped. He suddenly feared the arrival of a certain piece of bad news they had all been dreading. But then he noticed the green shade on the wall behind them, and his sight fell on the device on his bedside, causing him to freeze. It was still flashing a green light. It was the result Nero had been waiting years for.

"Wait, is that…" he never got to finish his question as his father suddenly hugged him and lifted him off the ground!

"You finally did it, kiddo! You finally stabilised your aether! Forget the shower, just put on your shoes, we'll take you to the Arcane Affairs Bureau now!"

"Edward, don't be ridiculous! At least let Nero get dressed properly. You know he's aiming for the academy, what if someone spots us? He has…"

His parents' excited bickering faded into the background as Nero's gaze remained fixed on the green light. Finally! It had finally happened! The day he had been waiting for so long!

His right hand clenched into a tight fists, his nails digging into his hands, and his eyes wandered to a closed door down the hall. From where he stood, he could only barely see the beginning of a door frame. For the briefest of moments, the childish, overzealous Nero who had just been fighting with his friends disappeared, and in his place stood a youth with incredibly cold eyes.

But the moment flashed by, and Nero returned to his usual self. A massive grin plastered on his as he hugged his father back.

"I did it! I finally stabilised!" he yelled, before letting go and hugging his mother as well. The entire family was celebrating this pivotal moment, yet for some reason, their celebrations seemed just a little forced. Their voices were just a little too high pitched. They hugged just a little tighter than normal, and their smiles just bordered on being forced.

All of them had the same thing on their minds, yet no one wanted to say it or acknowledge it. For now, they just wanted to celebrate this moment between their family, before the realities of life came crashing in.

But Nero did not dwell too long enjoying this rare family moment. He had planned for this day many times in his mind, and he knew exactly what came next.

"Mom, you should go on ahead without me. I'm going to shower and get ready properly before heading to the bureau, and I'll head to school from right there. Dad can take me. It's not like he has anything else going on in his life."

"Hey, I have a job!" his father protested, but it was clear he felt more smug than offended.

But instead of arguing against him, as he expected his mother to do, she smiled at him and placed her hand on his cheek, softly playing with his sideburns with her finger.

"Nero Grant, I know you better than yourself. I carried you with me in war zones, and when you were born I knew exactly when you wanted to dirty your nappy by the way you scrunched your eyebrows. When the Poaceae epidemic hit when you were five, I knew exactly what thoughts were going through your mind even as I rushed you to a hospital. When you liked that Kimberly girl at 9, I knew before you did, and when she broke your little heart I knew it too, even though you tried to hide it. You cannot keep secrets from me, little one. But just this time… tell me what you're really thinking."

Nero could not help but clench his fists as the need to carry on with the facade dropped. Even if she said she knew, he could not bring himself to say it. So…

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NitrogenousBeing
NitrogenousBeingLv14

The author’s writing skills have progressed since his previous work, The Innkeeper, particularly in that expectations set are upheld. The storyline and setting are great. The characters are decent and likable. However, the writing quality itself needs improvement. On the minor side, there are plentiful small grammatical errors, run-on sentences, and a notable amount of info dumping.  The work’s major flaw is the unnecessary, indirect, awkward, and abstract phrasing. This is particularly glaring in action scenes. Too often the MC’s direct senses are avoided or obfuscated. Instead, there is an uncalled-for post-analysis topdown view of events. It takes the reader out of the action.  Direct advice to the author: Please use direct phrasing. Write “It was this,” rather than, “He felt it was this,” or “He knew it was this,” or “It seemed like it was this.” Describe the MC experiences without processing them through a third party’s perspective. Avoid abstractions in fight scenes. Don’t write “Their fight, almost too fast for Nero to follow, seemed like a masterwork of a performance,” (quick example from chapter 9). Instead, write what is being sensed. For example, “A series of clangs rang out, as Invictus’s spear parried the colorful blur of magical sword attacks with masterful precision.” The second quote conveys similar information in a more detailed, direct, and exciting fashion. It gives us direct sound and sight without referring to Nero as the filter. This work could shine and garner greater popularity with an external editor or better self-editing that pays particular attention to the above flaws.

Despair512
Despair512Lv13

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