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Despair512
Despair512Lv139mth
2024-04-26 04:38

Here from the InnKeeper. So far, I am not disappointed. Writing Quality: It is stellar. I have yet to see any errors or weird phrases in which cause me pause, yet still it is complex and intriguing enough to grab my attention. Updating Stability: Once again, stellar. If his other novel’s 1000+ every day posts wasn’t good enough. He is doing it here as well. Story development: A different pace from the Innkeeper no doubt. One I am certainly interested in. Expanding on its unique power system and the role of these figures who hold power. It has done well thus far. Character Design: Nero is one of my favorite characters I’ve read. His personality seems to be one of determination and drive. Early on he recognized the avenues of growth. And he’s taking them. Following this concept, the other characters don’t seem to lack. Making me want to know more about them. Which is always impressive. World Background: This world is once again complex. Delightfully so. Although their is so many questions to be asked, so much has already given. And no holes that seem like it was overlooked rather than implanted exist. So overall? 5/5stars. ATM I am currently behind, chapter 49. I do look forward to finishing the fast pass grind and catching up. Cause it is worth the wait.

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Despair512
Despair512Lv13

Small update. I am now like a chapter behind. Have enjoyed every chapter. Still keeping my 5/5

Other Reviews
NitrogenousBeing
NitrogenousBeingLv14

The author’s writing skills have progressed since his previous work, The Innkeeper, particularly in that expectations set are upheld. The storyline and setting are great. The characters are decent and likable. However, the writing quality itself needs improvement. On the minor side, there are plentiful small grammatical errors, run-on sentences, and a notable amount of info dumping.  The work’s major flaw is the unnecessary, indirect, awkward, and abstract phrasing. This is particularly glaring in action scenes. Too often the MC’s direct senses are avoided or obfuscated. Instead, there is an uncalled-for post-analysis topdown view of events. It takes the reader out of the action.  Direct advice to the author: Please use direct phrasing. Write “It was this,” rather than, “He felt it was this,” or “He knew it was this,” or “It seemed like it was this.” Describe the MC experiences without processing them through a third party’s perspective. Avoid abstractions in fight scenes. Don’t write “Their fight, almost too fast for Nero to follow, seemed like a masterwork of a performance,” (quick example from chapter 9). Instead, write what is being sensed. For example, “A series of clangs rang out, as Invictus’s spear parried the colorful blur of magical sword attacks with masterful precision.” The second quote conveys similar information in a more detailed, direct, and exciting fashion. It gives us direct sound and sight without referring to Nero as the filter. This work could shine and garner greater popularity with an external editor or better self-editing that pays particular attention to the above flaws.

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