I'm rather torn on this one. One one hand, there's clearly a lot of thought and work put into this story. On the other hand, the actual writing itself is not very good, however not in the typical "Webnovel" fashion. In short, the story is not told in a way that can be experienced. It is simply told, like a lore dump or a character backstory. We are not "living in the moment", rather we're seeing things from the past tense. I'm assuming that this was not intentional. For example, the author consistently skips over minor events that make the major events feel rushed and disjointed, like we're going from big conversations to action scenes, and then right back to big conversations, despite significant amounts of time passing between them. While there is such a thing as being too detailed, this is quite the opposite of that. I'd suggest spending more time on the smaller moments to pace your story better, Finally, I'd suggest splitting each act into a sperate chapter each. Your chapters are far too long for the typical Webnovel reader, and your amount of readers will suffer over time.

Given that English isn't your first language, I'll keep comments on grammar brief. First, You shouldn't use numbers in place of words. (10 men becomes ten men) Next, Punctuation and capitalization need some work. Descriptions of objects or actions also need work. Now onto the real issues. Pacing and storytelling. First of all, the way this is paced is choppy and random. The opening line is effectively pointless, as the narrator asks the reader to sit down and let them tell a story, but then immediately forces the reader to listen whether they want to or not, thus undoing everything the first part of the sentence was trying to do. Next, the protagonist's background. The opening monologue about people and how they hurt people is not really portrayed well in the following story that we are told. We are told that this kid had a rough life, but are then immediately told that his childhood was good. Yes, a bad thing did eventually happen to the protagonist, but it either took you too long to tell us, or you should have worded things differently. As for pacing, you randomly introduce events in this kids life at such a speed that it feels like I'm reading a bullet list of things that happen, rather than anything actually happening. 2.6/5

This is easily my favorite story on the site. I'd come into this thinking that there'd be something to pull apart, but there actually wasn't, aside from some odd phrasing here and there. First chapter makes an attempt to pull sympathy for the MC, It's effective enough. I'm genuinely surprised.

This is easily my favorite story on the site. I'd come into this thinking that there'd be something to pull apart, but there actually wasn't, aside from some odd phrasing here and there. First chapter makes an attempt to pull sympathy for the MC, It's effective enough. The second chapter is a very good introduction to a new world, easily one of the best I've seen on this site. I'm genuinely surprised.

So, the story starts with an interesting premise. Demons possess people and make them do bad things. That's great. However, while the writing is passable, the grammar is rather rough. The story's development feels like an odd mix between rushed and cliche, and can be hard to follow at times. While I understand this is a revenge story, and that the MC is supposed to be a villain, I don't quite see Damon as a villain. Sure, he's vengeful and brutal, but he lacks something, and I'm not quite sure what. I'll have to see more to give a proper answer. 2.6/5

This might be the best written story I've reviewed on WN. The Grammar is on point for the most part, and the character interactions are quite fun. Other then a few minor gripes about character interaction and some of the world building, this was a great read. 4.6/5

For an ESL Novel, this book is very well written. The descriptions are nice, and the characters are fun. The only issues that I have with this book would mostly be with the grammar. Punctuation is not used correctly, and some scenes are described poorly, either through poor word choice or bizarre sentence structure. While both could be a product of not understanding the English language, a run through Grammarly or getting a beta reader or editor who speaks English would solve this problem,. The dialogue is quite clunky, but the same solution would apply. The world's lore is pretty good, and is explained better than some of the stuff I've seen in other novels. Ultimately, this is a pretty good book, that just needs some editing. 4/5

This is most certainly one of the stories I've read. The writing itself is fine, and the grammar and such are all right for the most part. Dialogue is pretty weak at some points, but it gets the job done. My main issue with the story would actually be some of the content itself, and more in regards to some things that aren't exactly clear. For example, It's said that Octavius and Sexta are related, but at the end of chapter two, Sexta expresses interest in tappin with Octavius. Not to mention Octavius's aunt marrying his cousin. Author, is this incest? I'm legitimately confused. Regardless, the story could be well written with a few minor edits. 3/5

The premise is interesting, even if it's been done many times before. While the writing quality is passable, the way the dialogue is written is not good. Dialogue is written in quotation mark("x")s, not with a -(dash?). For example: "The boat is blue." (This is correct) -The boat is blue. (This is incorrect.) Next, I struggled to actually get invested in the story. This may just be an issue on my part (It very well could be) but I never really got a feeling for what type of person Yu Bin is. I know she makes poor choices, but that's really it. 3/5

This is pretty good. The writing quality is much better than your previous works, My complaints will once again be with how you chose to present the story, that being sentence by sentence. It makes for a choppy reading flow, and doesn't look very good. Word choice and grammar once again need to be improved upon.

For a first work, this is a start. I would suggest using paragraphs, rather than going sentence by sentence. Next, your descriptions could use some work. While they do get the image you want across, the reader has to make mental leaps to figure what's happened. The word choice could be a lot better in some areas, and the dialogue is rather odd to read most of the time. Finally, some background on how the world and powers work would be good.

For a first time novel, the writing quality is quite surprising, and is way better than my work when I first started. Naturally, with this being the first piece, it has the issues every first piece has. That being poor grammar and questionable sentence structure. Punctuation is in the wrong place, and some of the word choice is questionable. As for the characters, they are pretty good, even if some of them fall victim to tropes. (The guy has a motorcycle because why not) There aren't any issues that haven't already been addressed, so I'll just say that you have natural talent, and you'll want to work on word choice, grammar, sentence structure, and perhaps some character traits.

Well, I've read all the way through to the most recent update, that being chapter six. And other than updating often, I cannot say anything is good about this book. That's not to say that there's no potential, or anything like that, as there is. I'll come back to that later. The grammar in this book is just horrible. First off, do not use numbers in place of words. (Example: 17 years old --> Seventeen years old) Next, do not give us the location like this: "The home" This is not the correct way to give a location. Do something more like this: "Meanwhile, back at x's house." You also need to space your paragraphs and your dialogue. Do not deliver multiple lines of dialogue from separate characters in the same paragraph. Example:( "Hello, X" Y said as he shook X's hand. "Nice to meet you, Y") Then you continue from there, spacing out each person's dialogue, along with whatever else you want to put after that, be it an action or description or whatever. Also, you need to work on your descriptions, as your descriptions are quite boring as of now. Use stronger words, and then work your sentence structure. Now, there's a lot more wrong with this story, and most of that stems from the story itself. How? Well, it's an absolute mess. Not only is there no foreshadowing for anything that happens, the story is filled with random events that don't feel connected in the slightest. You move way too fast, and we never get any kind of connection or understanding of the characters. And that's with six chapters to get to know them. We have little to no background on the world, and things just happen with no rhyme or reason behind them. For example, the ending of the first chapter proves pretty much all my points. To avoid spoilers, the ending comes out of nowhere and not in a good way. The dialogue is not very good, and most of it involves pointless swearing. So, how could it be improved? Well, one could start by slowing down a little bit, and giving the reader some time to get to know the characters and world. Next, descriptions and dialogue could be improved. There are tons of videos and resources out there that can help. Finally, Grammar needs some massive tune ups. Grammar isn't just spelling, it's also sentence structure and spacing and punctuation. Would I recommend this story to anyone? Not as it is right now, so no. 2.0/5

Use a period instead of a comma at the end of the last sentence

Dude, you're using commas wrong again.

I will start by saying that I do not like the harem genre. This story did not improve my opinion of this genre, but it did not lower it either. That said, there are a few issues I have with this book. First, the capitalization in this book is awful. Capitals go at the start of a sentence, and are only present in this book about a third of the time. Next, commas are handled incorrectly here. Do not use a comma to end a sentence and start a new paragraph. So, none of this: I jumped, out of bed. Either keep going after using the comma and finish the sentence, or use that sentence to start the next paragraph. Next, so words are used improperly here. One does not jump "off" of bed, they jump "out", as they were "in" the bed and not "on" it to begin with. Descriptions in this story could use some work, as they are often vague, mundane or the words used are weak. The character designs are fine, very, uh, anime. Which this book is based off of. As for the story's development, it's a train wreck. The story moves much too fast for a book with fairly short chapters, and these reveals (no spoilers) like certain characters being from another world are not set up in the slightest and feel random at best. Which brings me to another issue. Execution. From what I've gathered, this story is meant to be satire of sorts, a joke about harem anime. However, it only does the exact same things it's trying to make fun of, and thinks that because it's in on the joke, that it's funny. It's not. When you're trying to make fun of something as absurd as the harem anime genre, you need to do something new, as the harem anime genre takes shots at it's self literally all the time. In short, the intention was lost in translation due to a lack of doing anything that hadn't been done before, and not doing anything that had been done before as well as I have seen it done. Finally, the world building for this story is quite bad, in the sense that there is next to none. In the second chapter, Murata slams his head against a tree until it bleeds and does not react in any meaningful way until called out by another character. It was not established if this world has the "toon force" of most anime and manga, which would mean that our MC has given himself brain damage for no reason. (Mc is dead and hallucinating all this stuff. That's my game theory.) All jokes aside, I need to talk about the characters. Or, the anime tropes they are that happen to also be people. One of my biggest issues with this book is that all of the characters are just like a harem anime character, in the sense that they have no character, and are just one trait that always leads to the same joke, which proves to be unfunny every time after it's first use. Murata, for example. He is little more than the "Nice guy harem MC". Yes, he is supposed to be that, but he also does not stand out in the slightest, and I often forget that he's the protagonist, due to him mostly standing around and letting the girls steal the show by doing something sexual or generally creepy. Seriously. One of them literally knocked MC unconscious and then all three of them dragged him to their apartment and one of them is said to have "used him as a body pillow" while he was unconscious. Not only is this creepy as hell, it also continues for the whole story to this point, because sexual harassment and borderline assault is the funniest shit ever apparently. Now, that's not to say the story is all bad. I can at least follow the plot, and the English is readable. That's more than I can say for some of the other books I've read, so... that's a plus. Next, a lot of my issues with this story could be easily fixed. Grammar could be run through an editor bot or by an editor, the plot could be reconstructed to make more sense and perhaps slowed down some, and the world could be explained quite easily. The characters could be difficult. Either this story is meant to be "just another trashy harem" like the description says, in which case this is not an issue, or it's meant to be it's own thing under the guise of a trashy harem story, which would mean the characters would have to actually become characters. Overall, while not the worst harem content out there, it's not very good either. However, there is potential and the story updates regularly, which is good. 2.8/5. or a 5.5/10

Going into this, I didn't exactly have high hopes. A lot of the romance novels on this site are abysmal at best, and virtual copies of one another at worst. While not fully perfect, this novel is excellent. The characters are enjoyable, and the plot, while nothing special, isn't a blatant copy of anything else on this site, at least not to my knowledge. The only real gripe that I have with this book would be the occasional bit of janky dialogue or wooden character interaction. That and a few grammar mistakes, which are not extremely frequent. 4.0/5

This is not the first romance novel I've read on this site, and likely won't be the last. It's not the best and it's not the worst, and despite how that sounds, it's quite the compliment. The plot is fine. Basic, but fine. Looking at the characters, I don't really have much to say about them. However, I don't like the love triangle. Emir is creepy, and Jason is boring to read about. Emma does not stand out as a protagonist in any way. I also have to talk about the writing quality. It's... not good. Spacing is all over the place, and there are several occasions where entire words are missing from sentences. Grammar is poor, but I was at least able to figure out what was going on, which is a huge plus in comparison to many other novels that I've read. But despite all the stuff I've said, why's the score so high? Easy. While Emir is creepy, he's more engaging to read than many other protagonists from other books. More importantly, I was minorly invested while reading. I would however suggest running your chapters through Grammarly, or Wordcounter.net. It would make reading them significantly easier, and solve a large part of my issues with this book. 3.0/5-Not great, but it could be much worse.

This is a good novel. It's not bad by any means. However, the grammar makes the book difficult to read at times, and the sentence structure is really poor at points. The protagonist is fine, and plot, while uninteresting to me, isn't terrible. The author's descriptive ability is excellent, and despite the issues I have with this novel, I did enjoy reading it. 3.8/5

How so?