Eldritch_Umbra

I'm rather torn on this one. One one hand, there's clearly a lot of thought and work put into this story. On the other hand, the actual writing itself is not very good, however not in the typical "Webnovel" fashion. In short, the story is not told in a way that can be experienced. It is simply told, like a lore dump or a character backstory. We are not "living in the moment", rather we're seeing things from the past tense. I'm assuming that this was not intentional. For example, the author consistently skips over minor events that make the major events feel rushed and disjointed, like we're going from big conversations to action scenes, and then right back to big conversations, despite significant amounts of time passing between them. While there is such a thing as being too detailed, this is quite the opposite of that. I'd suggest spending more time on the smaller moments to pace your story better, Finally, I'd suggest splitting each act into a sperate chapter each. Your chapters are far too long for the typical Webnovel reader, and your amount of readers will suffer over time.

Given that English isn't your first language, I'll keep comments on grammar brief. First, You shouldn't use numbers in place of words. (10 men becomes ten men) Next, Punctuation and capitalization need some work. Descriptions of objects or actions also need work. Now onto the real issues. Pacing and storytelling. First of all, the way this is paced is choppy and random. The opening line is effectively pointless, as the narrator asks the reader to sit down and let them tell a story, but then immediately forces the reader to listen whether they want to or not, thus undoing everything the first part of the sentence was trying to do. Next, the protagonist's background. The opening monologue about people and how they hurt people is not really portrayed well in the following story that we are told. We are told that this kid had a rough life, but are then immediately told that his childhood was good. Yes, a bad thing did eventually happen to the protagonist, but it either took you too long to tell us, or you should have worded things differently. As for pacing, you randomly introduce events in this kids life at such a speed that it feels like I'm reading a bullet list of things that happen, rather than anything actually happening. 2.6/5

This is easily my favorite story on the site. I'd come into this thinking that there'd be something to pull apart, but there actually wasn't, aside from some odd phrasing here and there. First chapter makes an attempt to pull sympathy for the MC, It's effective enough. I'm genuinely surprised.

This is easily my favorite story on the site. I'd come into this thinking that there'd be something to pull apart, but there actually wasn't, aside from some odd phrasing here and there. First chapter makes an attempt to pull sympathy for the MC, It's effective enough. The second chapter is a very good introduction to a new world, easily one of the best I've seen on this site. I'm genuinely surprised.

So, the story starts with an interesting premise. Demons possess people and make them do bad things. That's great. However, while the writing is passable, the grammar is rather rough. The story's development feels like an odd mix between rushed and cliche, and can be hard to follow at times. While I understand this is a revenge story, and that the MC is supposed to be a villain, I don't quite see Damon as a villain. Sure, he's vengeful and brutal, but he lacks something, and I'm not quite sure what. I'll have to see more to give a proper answer. 2.6/5

This might be the best written story I've reviewed on WN. The Grammar is on point for the most part, and the character interactions are quite fun. Other then a few minor gripes about character interaction and some of the world building, this was a great read. 4.6/5

For an ESL Novel, this book is very well written. The descriptions are nice, and the characters are fun. The only issues that I have with this book would mostly be with the grammar. Punctuation is not used correctly, and some scenes are described poorly, either through poor word choice or bizarre sentence structure. While both could be a product of not understanding the English language, a run through Grammarly or getting a beta reader or editor who speaks English would solve this problem,. The dialogue is quite clunky, but the same solution would apply. The world's lore is pretty good, and is explained better than some of the stuff I've seen in other novels. Ultimately, this is a pretty good book, that just needs some editing. 4/5

This is most certainly one of the stories I've read. The writing itself is fine, and the grammar and such are all right for the most part. Dialogue is pretty weak at some points, but it gets the job done. My main issue with the story would actually be some of the content itself, and more in regards to some things that aren't exactly clear. For example, It's said that Octavius and Sexta are related, but at the end of chapter two, Sexta expresses interest in tappin with Octavius. Not to mention Octavius's aunt marrying his cousin. Author, is this incest? I'm legitimately confused. Regardless, the story could be well written with a few minor edits. 3/5

The premise is interesting, even if it's been done many times before. While the writing quality is passable, the way the dialogue is written is not good. Dialogue is written in quotation mark("x")s, not with a -(dash?). For example: "The boat is blue." (This is correct) -The boat is blue. (This is incorrect.) Next, I struggled to actually get invested in the story. This may just be an issue on my part (It very well could be) but I never really got a feeling for what type of person Yu Bin is. I know she makes poor choices, but that's really it. 3/5

This is pretty good. The writing quality is much better than your previous works, My complaints will once again be with how you chose to present the story, that being sentence by sentence. It makes for a choppy reading flow, and doesn't look very good. Word choice and grammar once again need to be improved upon.