The plot is very very grippy and I enjoyed most of it. I would also advise you to run a grammar check before publishing it and that would just add to the look of it. I love how you designed your world and the detail in some aspects is almost like it's in front of us. Overall, solid job! 👍🏼

The plot of this story is AMAZING! It kinda changed my prejudice on these types of genres. The writing quality is crisp and smooth and so is the world background. The characters are as if inspired from real people and their attitudes and behaviours come 'alive'. Overall, solid job!

A smooth writing that is effortless to read through. A plot which is kinda exciting. The quality is very good and the characters have come alive. I really enjoyed reading it. Solid job and good luck!

Loved the content. A really good plot with a good proceeding. A suggestion I would give you would be to check for minute grammar misuses using any website or applications. Overall, solid job!

Have you even read it fully? Now, you're in no position to actually criticize his work. People have enjoyed it. Me included.

This is probably the highest score that I've given to anyone. Like honestly, you deserve it. I'm starting to like the first person genres now that I've read yours. It almost makes me feel as if I'm reading Percy Jackson once again. Ahh... nostalgia hit me hard. Your writing has a kind of smooth flow to it, which I'm jealous about (you should teach me how to pull those off). The character design is awesome. And since we've come to characters, I must admit, the front cover looks sick! And you've given the details in an apt manner, or so to say, not too much nor not too little. I think this balance enhances your plot more. If I have to relate to your book, I would say, Sword art online written by Rick Riordan. Overall, I really enjoyed reading most of the chapters. Good luck!

First of all, I am a bit tentative when it comes to plots like these. Especially those which are in first person narration. But what's interesting is how you have intricately managed to have a consistent and a smooth proceeding of the plot. The world background in your story is great because it is balanced and descriptive at the same time. Overall, solid job! Good luck!

Amazing book! The plot is very grippy and doesn't let you leave it incomplete. I kinda enjoyed it a lot and the characters are designed so that they're very relatable. The dialogue delivery is really good and you can almost 'feel' the person delivering the dialogue in front of you. Description is like a double-edged sword. Everyone yields it. You use it too much, you damage your story and same for providing too little of it. I guess you have kept the descriptions simple and elegant and I didn't find a moment where I had to read-through the paragraph again to find out what you were actually describing. Overall, solid job!

You have a gripping plot. I am not that interested in fantasy but I had some exceptions and yours gets in the list. The dialogue delivery that persists throughout the story is simple and yet being its main objective - to convey what the character is trying to say. I think you have succeeded in having eyes- friendly (Yeah I just made that up XD) dialogue structures. I also observe that you haven’t extensively given attention to detail that would otherwise spoil the story if you had mishandled it. I think simplicity of detail really suits your story. It’s just what I feel... if you wish to be the descriptive JRR Tolkien, then I have no objections. It’s your story after all. I think you have also taken care of grammar and stuff and I really appreciate you using different dialogue tags (it kinda kept me active during the reading and again it comes to simplicity in descriptiveness) Overall, very nicely written!

You have a very very interesting and a progressive plot. When I was reading, there wasn’t this single moment when I felt detached from the plot and didn’t understand anything. The pace is just right and you also numbered your chapters appropriately so that it matches with the web novel’s (something that I look out for). Overall, a good try! You can always try to refine your work and get better at whatever you’re planning to write.

I love the progression of the story. You have kept the details to minimum, yet you manage to describe the scene. And I also feel the comedy you incorporated here and there is worth comment-able.

I have read many authors that demotivate their character on their appearances / write their character with a mindset that he is the ugliest. In fact, it has been so common to reading them that I had also started writing that way. But you are completely different from the other authors that I've read. You actually promoted her looks and now I feel it's not so bad to praise your main character every now and so.

Thank you for your insight! This is only my first book and doesn't pack much of a punch as it was originally intended to be for something else. I am working on something that I surely will be satisfied with and it still has a lot to work on.

For starters, I really liked your description and some of the words you’ve used there. The metaphors are really apt for where you’ve used them and it provides a great, detailed image of your imagination. One thing that most isekai or unrealistic plots face is that most people do not stick through till the end until they are rewarded with a good story lead / hook not to before nor too early into the story. I think you have found your sweet spot there. The dialogues of the characters are very well delivered with appropriate descriptions and actions. You haven’t given us too much nor too less and that is one great thing in your story. The action scene is depicted in a great way and is very descriptive while maintaining that sweet spot of yours. One thing I would advice is to not name the chapters as chapter # because that would appear repeated and wouldn’t look appealing to the eyes. Only thing you have to do is probably take the chapter # out and just keep the name of the chapter like for example (Chapter 1: Arrival). Otherwise, it’s a great story that you have written.

You have a really catchy plot and I read through your chapters in minutes. It isn’t always the great story and characters that get the book a 5-star, but sometimes, it’s also the way of telling and conveying the story in a simple, yet intriguing way. I guess you have mastered that aspect in your story and it felt completely different to what I’ve read before. I had a few requests for an example for a story lead and oh boy!! I messed up so many times before it was satisfactory. I often gave too much detail and sometimes too less, which was not appealing. You have found your sweet spot in description of looks and what I have learnt from your novel is that it really helps if a description standard is kept in mind. I observed that you started off (when describing a person) with his color, hair and eyes. Then, you came into a short description of their body structure. And you kept this for almost all the characters you described and I really felt that it was minimalistic but also made its point at the same time. The prologue seemed unrealistic at first when you said “the govt released a new law banning...” and it somewhat created a question in me. But this is very common in novels that have any isekai elements, or unrealistic elements. The only best way to conquer this is to get the readers to a stable plot before they nod off in the middle. And you have done just that and by the end of the chapter, I had almost forgot the unrealistic prologue and started to see that world as a normal one. Now, let’s talk about your plot. I think that you have really put some deep thought into when designing the plot. Your last chapter, as well as being a cliffhanger, is also a major hook to the story. The style that you have used when the last dialogue (of Zac), I have also observed in some famous authors and it gives that thrilling effect to read on. But what I felt was that sentence would’ve packed more of a punch if it went like “Good, because I want you to do something (impossible/insane/something you can’t think of/ etc) like you get the point right? Another thing I observed is that you tried to incorporate humor in your story. At the first, when Zac, Jake, and Jane weren’t familiar enough, the humor aspect isn’t much well laughable. But you’ve done something really interesting by familiarizing the readers to Jack and Jane and the humor is suddenly all connectable. And this is one of the things that made me read through without a gap. One thing I would advice or so to properly say, like is that you can give names to your chapters to make it more attractive. For now, only the chapter number is great but at some points they don’t match. (For example, chapter 5: chapter 4) So you can fix these by giving them a name or just delete the chapter number and have web novel do it for you. One more thing that would really make your story more attractive is to use italics when Zac is thinking. I’m sure that you would probably know this by now but a lot of big writers use this italics and it really has that effect of making the reader know that something different is being conveyed here. It would look neat when scrolling through and that would be a big plus point for physical copy readers. Overall, I feel that these types of genres really is the sweet spot for you to get your skills flowing and continue to amuse the readers. Sorry for making this long, but I couldn’t help it. Greatly written.

The prologue was very interesting and the circumstances that Diaan is facing is quite a hook!

I really liked all the actions before Zac is introduced to the plot. The prologue is very catchy except when the new names are introduced. I found it a bit difficult to figure out the name transition.