Dangerously in Love

She exhales and inhales her breath like she is nervous to call her longtime boyfriend, Andre Diy.

She hasn't met him in three weeks. What she about to tell him is something would really break Andre's heart.

She has been with Andre for over sixteen years but in those sixteen years, she had upside and downside with him.

Mostly, downside, because she has been unhappy with him for many years but she decided to stay on with him because she was afraid to let that safety net go. She is afraid that she would be lonely and no one wants to be with her.

When the new year of 2020 came, her thoughts were all over the place because she made a promised to her self that this 2020 year is the year where she finally let go of Andre, of their 16 years of relationship.

She didn't feel that she grew so much in the relationship. Like a bonsai tree, it has become stagnant.

She just needs to find the courage and strength in order to let Andre go.

She is with her family. She just lost her grandma from her dad side. So she is away from her hometown and living city, Jakarta to be with her family in these rough times.

She went to East Java, Wonosobo to buried her grandma but her thoughts and her heart are all over the place.

In her hotel room, she talked to her aunt, spilling teas on how she felt towards Andre. Her aunt warned her that in a marriage everything would be the same and different at the same time. Her aunt questioned her, does she wants a husband like Andre, who is passive and doesn't really care about what she thinks? Will she be happy with a normal and boring life that Andre is leading? Will she be satisfied with it?

Throughout that interrogation and questions with her aunt, it made her think. She questioned her safety net with Andre. She questioned every single moment that she spent with him for the past sixteen years.

After a while, short thoughts later, she finally decided. She wants to let Andre go.

She actually wants to say this when she was in Jakarta with Andre, where they spent new years together. Where their love life wasn't really great anymore. It got boring and fester. But she didn't find the courage to say to Andre about it until today.

She texted Andre on her Whatsapp. "Hey babe, I want to talk to you about us."

Andre, on the other hand, has it suspicious about this text. "What do you want to talk about? Us breaking up?"

In her heart, she was like, "Damn he knows me too well." but she replied to him, "Well... it's best that we talk on the phone. I'll call you."

After a few minutes of still going back and forth of her decision, she finally called him, nervously.

"Hello.."

Andre: "Hey, what's up?"

"Hey.. umm.. nothing... It's just that lately I felt distant with you... Umm... I want us to break up."

There's a silence in on the other side of the phone.

But Andre clearly answer. "Ok."

To her shock, that Andre didn't fight back or at least say something other than OK, she quickly replied, "That's it??! After sixteen years with you, you just say OK?!"

Andre replied, "What else do you want me to say?"

She replied, "I don't know.. say that you love me and you still want me.... say that you wanted me to be with you... and not going anywhere... Ughh... Anyways, yeah, I'm breaking up with you."

Andre replied, "May I ask why then?"

She replied, "Well, I feel that we are not growing. I feel that we are stagnant and just hanging there. I feel bored as well. Our love life wasn't great and I've been thinking about this back and forth but now I finally decided. I want us to break up. But I would like to meet you again for one last time and you're also getting your stuff out from my apartment."

Andre quickly replied, "I see.. ok then...when?"

"After I come back from Wonosobo, ok? This Saturday."

Andre quickly replied, "Ok." and then he hangs up the phone.

She releases her deep breath knowing that she just ended her sixteen years of relationship, of her safety net and comfort zones. She knew that she's moving forward with her life this time in the right direction.

After the phone call, her next step would be announcing her recent break up to her family. She chooses to break up with Andre during her grandma funeral event because she knew that she would have a support system from her family.

Selah.

The next morning at the hotel, she woke up with her heart aching because she just can't believe that she ended her long term relationship with Andre but she knew she has to move forward. She knew that today is the day where she tells everyone about what happened with her and Andre.

She went downstairs to have breakfast at the Breakfast Cafe and there she met her dad.

"Hi, Dad. Good morning!"

Her dad is sipping his coffee and smoking as usual.

"Hello... morning...how are you today?"

"Well... I've broken up with Andre."

"Whoa.. really? I'm happy for you. He wasn't the one for you, you know. I always didn't like him. But are you sure? Are you sure that you ended up with Andre for good this time? Because you always back and forth with him."

She was shocked when she hears that from her dad to her surprise her family didn't like Andre and after sixteen years she just know this.

"Yes, I'm sure. This time is for good."

"Why?" her dad asked.

"Because I feel stagnant and I didn't grow as much as I want to in life."

"Oh ok... Does Mom know?" Her dad asked her.

"No, not yet... I haven't tell anyone except you."

"Oh okay.. she must be very happy about this news. You should tell her." Her dad said while finishing his breakfast.

She was stunned. Didn't believe everything that her dad is saying but deep in her heart she knew that this meant that she take the right decision.

She took her breakfast while her dad finishes his cigarette and left her to her thoughts.

Inside her mind, she was thinking "Umm.. this is going to be a long day..."

Selah.

She went and attend her grandma funeral and it was hard on her and on her family. Plus the heartbreak that she felt after the break up it wasn't easy.

She played Lewis Capaldi, 'Before You Go' and 'When Party is Over' many times on her Spotify while laying down and disconnected from her family.

Even though she was surrounded by her family, she still feels lonely.

It's like her half self is apart and broken but she knew she made the right decision.

After the funeral is finished, inside the car, her dad was like, "Tell your mom what happened."

Mom was like "What's up?"

"I broke up with Andre."

Her mum quickly replied, "Good."

She was shocked by her mum reply and question her self, "What is going on between Andre and my family??"

But to her surprise, her mum added: "I never liked the guy anyway."

And she can only reply, "Oh Ok mum.."

She was expecting an extravagant reply from her mum, like comforting her or something but she didn't get any.

Well, maybe that's how her family function especially in this grieving times, that's what she's thinking inside her head.

Back in the hotel, she just chooses to lie down on her bed and played Lewis Capaldi on repeat. One by one her family came down to visit her on her room and she had to announce the break up with her family.

It's hard for her but she knows that she makes the right decision.