bloodycake
Very nice story development........... keep up the good work........ .and ignore the negative comments........ . They just want some attention............... Ill keep supporting your work..you have potential.trust my words.you have potential in Fan-fic novel...as good as "God of soul system", "holistic fantasy" very good as those..
What the hell ? "although he can not change the whole story but he still needs to save the life of those who are precious to him like jiraya, third, Neji and so on." ??????? This guy has no reason to save them ! At wich moment did he even talk with them !!! How can you consider someone you don't even know as a precious to you ?? It's completly incoherent ! Big problem there, and i'm saying big because it's RReally the case
Grammar I quite bad at times and there are no letters capitalized. The names of the people talking are often mixed up. There are also some details missing that are later brought up (minor details). While this doesn't make the story unreadable it does make it quite a bit harder to read. The premise of the story itself is good, and I can never rate a system novel too badly, since they're my favorite.
I like the story so far, but I would like to offer proofreading/adjustments for the grammar & punctuation. Lack of capital letters & lots of small mistakes are made and it would be an easier read if they were corrected. The mistakes are not the type that make it too annoying for me to bother reading the story though, so consider yourself among my prefered 30% of fanfiction writers, keep it up!
I have to say. while your grammar could use work, compared to other fan fics or original novels, i would yours ranks in the middle. your chapters are bit short but its within limits and your updates are consistent. i do like the way the story is flowing. I am glad that you are not using the harem tag in this novel. it just doesnt really work with this novel and while your naruto is different from the original i am glad you are sticking to the pairing of hinata. keep up the good work
awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome
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I like the way you are keeping the tone of the story "real and intense" without any silliness. It is like reading a real action light novel. I love the character development and everything seems balanced in an OP way (sorry didn't know how else to say it). Every "perk/plot armor" is based off something plausible due to clan, bloodline, etc... and it is grown (some quick some slow) which is a part of what I mean by "balanced OP". Great story and thank you for giving it your full attention (I saw where you put your other story on Hiatus due to this one)!