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Jack Hanma: True might [reworked]

Anime & Comics
Ongoing · 1.7M Views
  • 3 Chs
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  • 4.6
    36 ratings
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Synopsis

Jack Hanma is one of if not the most disrespected character of the baki series despite him being one of the strongest in it. but what if that changed what if him being an unpure hanma had a different meaning then what you would expect. Note: this my first time writing and English isn't my native language so the first two chapters are a bit rough but it gets better from chapter 3 and onwards. The cover image isn't mine. note: under the recent changes I decided That I well be posting this story on RoyalRoad.com and Fanfiction.net under the same name for both the story and the account.

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Writing quality 5 star Story development 4 star Character design 3 star Updating stability 4 star World background 3 stars. Overall 3.8 1) Let's talk about the writing quality, I haven't seen any major mistakes till now. The writing style is good, I don't need the Chinese reference anymore, They are hard to understand. Ohh and You Didn't write like that so it is a 3-star from me already. No mistakes with "HE" OR "SHE" so an extra Star and the last one because I liked it. (4-stars) 2) The Story development is good, nothing to say more as the original Baki series has a good plot but overpowered characters without magic. I am thinking what will happen if you introduce Magic to them?. The pacing is good, some slice of life will be good, to see how he manages his girlfriend as he is so tall already. (4 stars) Because of some small things, if you go like this, it will be finished before 140 chapters. 3) The character design is good but you have never gone into the details of how he was born or how he came to be. I know that jack's Mom's story is tragic but it will also give depth to his character. You are not using the system to its full potential. Don't get me wrong but you should increase the power level a little in this story, I will talk more about it in the World background. So even if you don't want to make him too powerful, you can just modify his body in a way like the skin "Hardening" it won't need too much XP or soul. I will give 4-star to it I am sad that the system is not used Properly. 4) The updating stability is cool, you post daily if you don't have some work or something. (4-Stars). 5)World background! Why are you only in Japan? It's a whole world man, and Baki's world is super interesting you should make Jack explore a little about it. This world has so much potential, Introduce some special abilities or mutation to say. Increase the strong characters, increase the mystery, and increase the chaos. That way the MC will feel threatened and he will have to use his potential to its full extent. Introduce a mass meteor strike with small but a lot of meteors falling all over earth giving the humans and animals some special abilities/mutations and it is totally possible. Until now a human that came from the Jurassic era and a clone of Myamoto mysashi with is real soul in it has been shown, a hag who practices dark arts. I don't know if there is more but I have not finished it yet. I have given it 3stars and honestly I want to give it 2-stars so that you can do something about it. Their is so much that can be done. I wrote too much for the first time. It's 2645 words long..

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