im leaving a mixed review here hoping the author reads it. so far the story seems well paced and well written in terms of language and structure. im pointing out the things marring my reading experiance hoping it helps dont let it detract from your enjoyment of what seems to be a well written tale. however reading up to chapter 15 the story has a distinct feeling of condecension, towards the established lore, world building and plot. instead of just changing what the author wants they keep criticizing the established world building and stating that their version is the one that makes sense over the original. that may not be the intent but it certainly seems to be the effect. another thing that i mind is that the protagonist seems to be one of those transmigrators who looks down upon all the plot and conflicts as a high and mighty voice of reason that cant be bothered with childish politics and looks at all the mysteries and norms of the world as senseless and beneath them. and the character seems to hold most other characters in disdain and acts haughtyt and rude but is facing absolutely no consequences for it. it seems that the author intends for them to be this way. this however conflicts directly with how the author describes the character. on the whole the character seems unconcerned with the world and events and just wants to be a research hobo who is power hungry... to sum ot up this story has forspoken syndrome.... where the protagonists personality ruins your immersion and enjoyment of an otherwise likeable and well made world
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I can see what you mean. I wrote the character this way to point out a flaw in the character himself. This sort of detachment will end up hurting him into accepting that comparing his life to canon. At least, that's what I'm hoping to do. I didn't expect people to be so peeved about it, because I didn't want the MC to feel too 'perfect' if you know what I mean. Either way, you'll start to see a steady drop with the comparisons until... well something shocks it out of him (I won't spoil any more). Thanks for the constructive criticism though. You really helped by pointing this out.
Sometimes I think Authors ruin their own MCs by trying to avoid making them perfeft and instead make them extremely unlikable. You do know that just writing a regular MC will likely lead to a non perfect Mc unless you actively try to got for a perfect Mc. So what’ the point of going even further?
athass_prkr:I can see what you mean. I wrote the character this way to point out a flaw in the character himself. This sort of detachment will end up hurting him into accepting that comparing his life to canon. At least, that's what I'm hoping to do. I didn't expect people to be so peeved about it, because I didn't want the MC to feel too 'perfect' if you know what I mean. Either way, you'll start to see a steady drop with the comparisons until... well something shocks it out of him (I won't spoil any more). Thanks for the constructive criticism though. You really helped by pointing this out.
It’s actually pretty hard to write a “regular” MC. If you don’t actively add flaws to a character, they end up becoming perfect because as the MC they will naturally end up solving all of the issues in the story your writing(unless you plan for your MC to die).
Crimson_King:Sometimes I think Authors ruin their own MCs by trying to avoid making them perfeft and instead make them extremely unlikable. You do know that just writing a regular MC will likely lead to a non perfect Mc unless you actively try to got for a perfect Mc. So what’ the point of going even further?
That’s a valid point, I’ve never taken a shot at writing but I always like writing down fanfic ideas that I get just for fun. Having said that, perfect MCs can be fine if that’s the story doesn’t delve to much into it. But I also get the appeal of giving the MC more “life”. However the problem I usually have, is that often some of the character faults are clearly too biased or forced and don’t seem organically merge into the story. Admittedly, it could also be my personally bias as there are some bad traits for MCs that I look at and see as idiotic and can’t understand why the Authors would give the MC that specific fault.
Kazuki_Ohira:It’s actually pretty hard to write a “regular” MC. If you don’t actively add flaws to a character, they end up becoming perfect because as the MC they will naturally end up solving all of the issues in the story your writing(unless you plan for your MC to die).
Makes sense, sometimes I also like just turning my brain off and reading a perfect MC get everything, kinda like a “I wish this as me” type writing. It’s also true that sometimes it can be too forced. At that point though, you just gotta either give up on the story or hope that the author will do something with that forced personality flaw, which it seems like he will.(I think/I hope)
Crimson_King:That’s a valid point, I’ve never taken a shot at writing but I always like writing down fanfic ideas that I get just for fun. Having said that, perfect MCs can be fine if that’s the story doesn’t delve to much into it. But I also get the appeal of giving the MC more “life”. However the problem I usually have, is that often some of the character faults are clearly too biased or forced and don’t seem organically merge into the story. Admittedly, it could also be my personally bias as there are some bad traits for MCs that I look at and see as idiotic and can’t understand why the Authors would give the MC that specific fault.
Yeah, I’m pretty tolerant most of the time. So there’s only been a few stories that have truly made me give them up because of the MC. Having said that, bad MCs still really take the wind out of good stories for me
Kazuki_Ohira:Makes sense, sometimes I also like just turning my brain off and reading a perfect MC get everything, kinda like a “I wish this as me” type writing. It’s also true that sometimes it can be too forced. At that point though, you just gotta either give up on the story or hope that the author will do something with that forced personality flaw, which it seems like he will.(I think/I hope)
I can agree with that. Sometimes a bad MC can make what would have been a 10 a 5. There was one story that I read (I can’t remember the title) where he declared that he was a otherworlder and a Chinese to the entire world, while not only being fodder but also while acting SUPER entitled. Dropped it instantly
Crimson_King:Yeah, I’m pretty tolerant most of the time. So there’s only been a few stories that have truly made me give them up because of the MC. Having said that, bad MCs still really take the wind out of good stories for me
Yeah, I read one where it was about a video game where the MC was meant to be based on Son Wukong, but he was a complete idiot all the time and I couldn’t read further. Another story wasn’t even the Mc so much as the plot itself that killed the story for me. It was a Fate Nasu/Verse story with a talented MC and multiple Servants. Sounds great till you realize the MC was getting nerfed ever 35 chapters, he gets nerfed, makes some power up return stronger and then gets nerfed again. Even lost an arm for an extremely stupid reason and then couldn’t heal because his “soul” was damaged in the arm. It had so much protential but the constant nerfs really killed the momentum of the story constantly. PS the Fate story I believe may have had to do with DXD as well. I don’t remember exactly if it did or if I’m confusing two stories. Although I did read the dragon egg DXD story with a Fate powers system, he saved Akeno and her mom in that story with Atalanta Noble Phantasms. Good story.
Kazuki_Ohira:I can agree with that. Sometimes a bad MC can make what would have been a 10 a 5. There was one story that I read (I can’t remember the title) where he declared that he was a otherworlder and a Chinese to the entire world, while not only being fodder but also while acting SUPER entitled. Dropped it instantly
