webnovel
amaturewriter
amaturewriterLv44yr
2020-02-07 15:16

Its interesting and the grammar is good..BUT the structure is ****ed up...make the paragraphs smaller...plus so far theres no actual story despite large chps...and you know just saying...the MC has a ****ty personality...do change this.... suggestion; OP MC...smart and not some perverted idiot...perverted MCs are always weird to read..that **** only works in manga and anime..build the damn romance and do keep the harem small..also pls no issei type MC that goes around *****ing about strength and stealing wives. well...I said my piece,..goodshow and goodluck

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Replies14
watashiwavdesu
watashiwavdesuAuthor

Thank you for your review, i'm honestly happy when people gives me constructive criticism, i will try to make paragraphs smaller. But don't worry,he will not end up as a stupid like Issei and he will not have a massive harem,my plan is for 1 or 2 girls.. :D maybe something even similar to a couple for a long period of time, hope you will continue to follow my story as i will try to make it better with time and practice.

amaturewriter
amaturewriterLv4

goodluck

watashiwavdesu:Thank you for your review, i'm honestly happy when people gives me constructive criticism, i will try to make paragraphs smaller. But don't worry,he will not end up as a stupid like Issei and he will not have a massive harem,my plan is for 1 or 2 girls.. :D maybe something even similar to a couple for a long period of time, hope you will continue to follow my story as i will try to make it better with time and practice.
DarkMouth
DarkMouthLv4

Author improved the paragraphs and the mc is changing, why such a negative vision of this novel?

amaturewriter
amaturewriterLv4

where is the negative vision....this review is 4 days old...plus I just suggested what I'd like there to be in the book and what was bad......what negative vision are you talking about?

DarkMouth:Author improved the paragraphs and the mc is changing, why such a negative vision of this novel?
watashiwavdesu
watashiwavdesuAuthor

I'm actually happy that you helped me figuring out that the paragraphs needed to be smaller as i realized my mistakes thanks to you. So it doesn't matter at all, i really appreciated your review.

amaturewriter:where is the negative vision....this review is 4 days old...plus I just suggested what I'd like there to be in the book and what was bad......what negative vision are you talking about?
watashiwavdesu
watashiwavdesuAuthor

I accept nearly every type of review, but insults directely to me and my story will be eliminated outright.๐Ÿ™‚But thanks, i appreciate the fact that you wanted to argue at him but he was right. I f*cked up with the paragraphs and i explained in a bad way the personality of the Mc.

DarkMouth:Author improved the paragraphs and the mc is changing, why such a negative vision of this novel?
DarkMouth
DarkMouthLv4

i saw this novel only 3 days ago and chapters were already in a good structure so i thought there was something wrong because most of the times authors correct their mistakes days after they found out they made one so..

amaturewriter:where is the negative vision....this review is 4 days old...plus I just suggested what I'd like there to be in the book and what was bad......what negative vision are you talking about?
watashiwavdesu
watashiwavdesuAuthor

๐Ÿ™…โ€โ™€๏ธi understand, you thought he was exaggerating, don't you?

DarkMouth:i saw this novel only 3 days ago and chapters were already in a good structure so i thought there was something wrong because most of the times authors correct their mistakes days after they found out they made one so..
DarkMouth
DarkMouthLv4

yes, but if it's okay with you..

watashiwavdesu:๐Ÿ™…โ€โ™€๏ธi understand, you thought he was exaggerating, don't you?
watashiwavdesu
watashiwavdesuAuthor

As i said yes, i am okay with review that have critics on my novel,as long as there are no insults no one will be deleted. This mainly because i want to remember how i was writing in the 'past' more clearly.๐Ÿคฃ

DarkMouth:yes, but if it's okay with you..
DeeplyLostInShadow
DeeplyLostInShadowLv4

Here to say Author is becoming better and better!

Ahtu_Flagg
Ahtu_FlaggLv4

Mm, I see the author took the advice to heart. Which is great to see. He listened to the people, and improved along with his character it seems. *BUT* I usually have an issue handling stupid MC's... Even if they do get somewhat better later on. I really want to give such an author a shot however... Conflicted...

LunaSkylair
LunaSkylairLv4

You should!

Ahtu_Flagg:Mm, I see the author took the advice to heart. Which is great to see. He listened to the people, and improved along with his character it seems. *BUT* I usually have an issue handling stupid MC's... Even if they do get somewhat better later on. I really want to give such an author a shot however... Conflicted...
BreezyNovels
BreezyNovelsLv5

Could you possibly tell me who is in the harem or the romantic interest?

watashiwavdesu:As i said yes, i am okay with review that have critics on my novel,as long as there are no insults no one will be deleted. This mainly because i want to remember how i was writing in the 'past' more clearly.๐Ÿคฃ
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SkyInTheNight
SkyInTheNightLv3

At first, I thought this had to be dropped. I was desperate as my thoughts wandered in the night. I wanted to know if this had enough potential to keep me, so I continued to read non-stop until it started to become better around CH 62. Right now, at CH130, I like it, so, I'll be sticking around this novel, hoping it would maintain its good quality, even though the first chapters are difficult to 'swallow'. My advice is, as a reader, to give it a try and to endure the first parts that may seem out of place, or nonsense, as, the more you read, the more you'll understand about the story. I'm not what you can consider a fan, but I just enjoy the interactions between characters. Writing Quality: It's average for an 'original', and good for a fan-fiction. I'm on this app from a few weeks, so I may be wrong, but for me, it's readable in English. Towards last chapters, it improves, so I hope author would fix first chapters as well. Stability of Updates: For what I can see, the Author's updating daily, and he writes 2000 words a day, which is pretty good. Story Development: Slow, but well-made. I understand that there are things to talk about, and I found out that I enjoy slow development. If you would like to see a novel where at CH100 you'll be right at the end, you shouldn't read this at all. Character Design: It's a symbolic 4 stars, but I chose to put 5 stars as well. The characters(aside from Original Characters) aren't originals, but, Author has the ability to use them at will, to make them 'evolve' throughout the story, which is something I like as, from the few other fanfics I read, I could see characters completely change or their gender changed from male to female, as well as the other way around, and I hate that stuff. So, I decided to put 5 stars as the characters feels like the original novel, and as they gradually evolve, they 'don't forget' who they were before. World Background: Again, another symbolic 4 stars. Why? Because the World isn't Author's own world, but, differently from other fan-fictions, as the Character Design point, Author is just able to make everything work. I'm not an expert with reviews, I just saw someone in another novel rate everything from his own perspective, so, I decided to do the same. Why? Because I choose to believe that this story will be really fun, and good to read. If you're still undecided, I can only add that the only thing you have to do, is to prepare yourself to read something you will call 'nonsense' but that will be explained later, and you'll be just fine. I said everything I had to say, peace.

TempestasUmbra
TempestasUmbraLv15

Hello, here is my review on a novel I had high expectations on after the first few chapters, which I am sad to say dropped more and more after the reading continues. I really tried and forced myself through the last chapters, but I think thatโ€™s it for me... I just canโ€™t read anymore of this retarded MC, what a waste... You started the story so good and than you let the character develop in a way that just doesnโ€™t make sense, with all the bull**** about enjoying a โ€šnormalโ€˜ life etc, when in fact there was practically no need to ever be normal or have normal restrictions if he is on his way to become a god. His abilities and more than that his system grants him power and opportunity, that any normal human for the fact would try too use to its utmost potential, while he just acts plain stupid and ignores this massive advantage... Also the countless repetitions of people basically having the same conversations over several chapters was just a grueling experience. The MC overlooking obvious flaws on his part, could have been explained by the simple fact that it is hard to judge yourself objectively, but Light(System Guide/Soul who manages the System) - a being literally created only to guide him - overlooking flaws on his part or simply not guiding him too use his resources in the most optimal and obvious way, hast basically no grounds to explain itself. Which only means that the authors contradicts the very concept he established this story on for reasons I simply canโ€™t understand. It is really a shame that you took the most interesting parts of the story and bury them under countless โ€šslice-of-lifeโ€˜-like chapters which have no real relevance to the story and the constant dropping of the MC appeal for reasons I canโ€™t figure out, somehow took all my motivation to read even one more sentence.

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