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achearon
achearonLv154yr
2020-04-21 22:14

Dude someone humiliated,raped and tortured your woman in public and you pay him an absi4d amount of money for it. Mc is got to be the most idiotic mf i ever met in my life. Why not take that money and go to some of the big gun so they just off your enemy. Author you sure you are thinking straight?

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Replies4
Anone
AnoneAuthor

Okay WTF 😲😲😲when did someone get paid! Money! When! Did I write that?.........you sure you're not reading something else😅😅😅 nah he's not an idiot. What would you do when you don't have the power to fight back.......but he never paid for shit! Did he? If he did I have to clear that up. Either way Thanks for reading, I appreciate it😊

achearon
achearonLv15

Uh he did. He paid the warden when he tried to rescue the half dark elf.

achearon
achearonLv15

I will to keep going hopefully it gets better. I really like the aaron wade book so i am hoping he at least half as badass

Anone:Okay WTF 😲😲😲when did someone get paid! Money! When! Did I write that?.........you sure you're not reading something else😅😅😅 nah he's not an idiot. What would you do when you don't have the power to fight back.......but he never paid for shit! Did he? If he did I have to clear that up. Either way Thanks for reading, I appreciate it😊
Anone
AnoneAuthor

Kael's is Aaron Wade's senior bro, 😅😅😅he gets badass, like god level kind of bad ass.

achearon:I will to keep going hopefully it gets better. I really like the aaron wade book so i am hoping he at least half as badass
Other Reviews
TwistedSomnus
TwistedSomnusLv15

There's a problem with the writing. The english itself is fine, but the pacing, focus, and rational are all sub-par. Pacing - There are 3 chapters before the official chapter 1 that are glossaries of terms and information about the world, and this is a definite red flag. 1) This is a terrible way to start a story. I don't want to do homework in order to read a novel for leisure. 2) If this is neccessary to understand the story, then you have failed as a writer. You need to show the audience, not tell them. That's the difference between a story and a textbook. 3) Revealing all these details is a part of storytelling. Dumping them all in the beginning simply means you can't use their revelation to further your story. Discovering things with the MC is one of the joys of reading a book, and now you've robbed us of that experience to some extent. 4) By talking about the X levels of your world and how people struggle to climb them, you not only told us the end point of your story, but informed us that we're going to have to read what is basically the same story X times. Another mystery dead and a promise of an endlessly repetitive story. Focus - You need to trim the fat. Details, such as the fact that the MC came in his pants after his first feeding, either need to be cut out or utilized to further the narrative. I believe you were attempting to show how overwhelming of an experience his first feeding was, but you didn't go into enough detail for this fact to be anything other than a distraction. You basically skimmed through the fact that he was exhausted, breezed through his emotional state, and then described in detail the tent in his pants and the stain from his ejaculation. 1 graphic detail amongst a few brief ones sticks out like a sore thumb, and just because it's about a sexual organ doesn't make your novel more "*****." Rational - "Because the information might put you in danger" is not a constructive reason to deny a amnesiac character information about THEMSELVES. That's basically saying "because the author doesn't want the audience to know." You talk about enemies and danger as if covering your eyes will somehow make them go away. All it does is render the MC helpless to avoid these dangers and force him to stumble face first into them due to ignorance.

JONRED
JONREDLv3
SinfuLeeCerebral
SinfuLeeCerebralLv15

I'm about 20 chapters in as is my limit for every novel on seeing whether i will continue reading it and gauging its overall quality. I'm really liking the mixed genre of the novel and how there are so many possibilities towards growth and development. everything from Sci-fi to magick seems possible. the MC is lamentable at times though, his personality isn't very believable and can seem extremely immature. for being a prisoner he sure is lighthearted... i know he's only suppose to be 19, and that he no longer has his past memories but seeing such child like thoughts coming from him can grow annoying quickly. (is supposed to have regressed but some how knows how to be witty and talk back to the guards? lacks decorum and common sense but remembers non-sense such as actors and short phrases?) i feel like this novel could be a stellar 5 star novel if the author spent more time rereading the work for mistakes (as most of them can be easily found if the extra time was spent) and if the fourth wall wasn't broken at all. this novel really has the opportunity to be phenomenal if the serious undertones wouldn't keep getting disturbed mid flow. you have this novel that talks about the lives of others as if they're nothing and how rape and murder could happen around any corner, then out of no where (insert half remembered words or phrases. insert breaking the fourth wall.) it just completely lessens the overall quality of the novel. if author chose to rewrite this without so much nonsense and fourth wall breaking this could easily make it to the front page for weeks to come. best of luck to the author though, I'll continue to read it for a while longer to see how the author develops everything...

JavaTari
JavaTariLv4
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