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Leon07
Leon07Lv55yr
2019-11-13 14:18

Netotare, that word should be enough for most readers to know why they shouldn't read this. I was interested in the novel at first, but it started showing signs of NTR, and then it just threw it all out onto us ( within first 50 chapters ). Quite disappointed

Liked by 13 people

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Replies7
Anone
AnoneAuthor

Sorry about that, but it was just a mention, meant for a bit of character growth. My novel is not built around it, and I hate it as much as you do, it just needs to serve as a motivation for the MC, something that could mentally scar him enough to breed darkness in his heart. It was also a political play, just because a lot of people find it distasteful, doesn't mean it doesn't happen, especially when politics is involved. If such a thing is mentioned, it because nothing is nothing is heart breaking and character changing as loosing or watching the woman you love being used by another man. It was necessary for the story, I didn't just put it there for nothing.

Leon07
Leon07Lv5

I don't really mind, it won't be pure all the time and i wont blame you. Just that it left a very bad after taste. I'm not gonna continue reading the novel, but wish you all the best. There will still be many people who will enjoy your novel.

Anone:Sorry about that, but it was just a mention, meant for a bit of character growth. My novel is not built around it, and I hate it as much as you do, it just needs to serve as a motivation for the MC, something that could mentally scar him enough to breed darkness in his heart. It was also a political play, just because a lot of people find it distasteful, doesn't mean it doesn't happen, especially when politics is involved. If such a thing is mentioned, it because nothing is nothing is heart breaking and character changing as loosing or watching the woman you love being used by another man. It was necessary for the story, I didn't just put it there for nothing.
Anone
AnoneAuthor

I understand, though I wish you can keep an open mind as there's a lot this story has to offer beyond what you've seen.But i cant force you, nevertheless thanks for giving it a chance in the First place, God bless you all

Leon07:I don't really mind, it won't be pure all the time and i wont blame you. Just that it left a very bad after taste. I'm not gonna continue reading the novel, but wish you all the best. There will still be many people who will enjoy your novel.
KingSeyer
KingSeyerLv13

I understand what you are doing but u should know that because of the neotare o reaally really hated the novel and i am sure most of the readers hated dat part too and if not for you explaining hw de story will develop den i am sure u wouldnt have even gotten 1k readers. I love the story man its great and cool but next please dont add any neotare to any of yr novels cuz dey rock man. 😁

Anone:Sorry about that, but it was just a mention, meant for a bit of character growth. My novel is not built around it, and I hate it as much as you do, it just needs to serve as a motivation for the MC, something that could mentally scar him enough to breed darkness in his heart. It was also a political play, just because a lot of people find it distasteful, doesn't mean it doesn't happen, especially when politics is involved. If such a thing is mentioned, it because nothing is nothing is heart breaking and character changing as loosing or watching the woman you love being used by another man. It was necessary for the story, I didn't just put it there for nothing.
Anone
AnoneAuthor

I understand, I'll work around that properly. Thanks for reading

KingSeyer:I understand what you are doing but u should know that because of the neotare o reaally really hated the novel and i am sure most of the readers hated dat part too and if not for you explaining hw de story will develop den i am sure u wouldnt have even gotten 1k readers. I love the story man its great and cool but next please dont add any neotare to any of yr novels cuz dey rock man. 😁
KingSeyer
KingSeyerLv13

Yo Anone wat u said was true man i am on chap 132 and the story just keeps getting better and better. You are a great guy man cuz not everyone learns from their mistakes and improves upon them. Thanks You.😊

KingSeyer
KingSeyerLv13

Yo Anone wat u said was true man i am on chap 132 and the story just keeps getting better and better. You are a great guy man cuz not everyone learns from their mistakes and improves upon them. Thanks You.😊

Other Reviews
TwistedSomnus
TwistedSomnusLv15

There's a problem with the writing. The english itself is fine, but the pacing, focus, and rational are all sub-par. Pacing - There are 3 chapters before the official chapter 1 that are glossaries of terms and information about the world, and this is a definite red flag. 1) This is a terrible way to start a story. I don't want to do homework in order to read a novel for leisure. 2) If this is neccessary to understand the story, then you have failed as a writer. You need to show the audience, not tell them. That's the difference between a story and a textbook. 3) Revealing all these details is a part of storytelling. Dumping them all in the beginning simply means you can't use their revelation to further your story. Discovering things with the MC is one of the joys of reading a book, and now you've robbed us of that experience to some extent. 4) By talking about the X levels of your world and how people struggle to climb them, you not only told us the end point of your story, but informed us that we're going to have to read what is basically the same story X times. Another mystery dead and a promise of an endlessly repetitive story. Focus - You need to trim the fat. Details, such as the fact that the MC came in his pants after his first feeding, either need to be cut out or utilized to further the narrative. I believe you were attempting to show how overwhelming of an experience his first feeding was, but you didn't go into enough detail for this fact to be anything other than a distraction. You basically skimmed through the fact that he was exhausted, breezed through his emotional state, and then described in detail the tent in his pants and the stain from his ejaculation. 1 graphic detail amongst a few brief ones sticks out like a sore thumb, and just because it's about a sexual organ doesn't make your novel more "*****." Rational - "Because the information might put you in danger" is not a constructive reason to deny a amnesiac character information about THEMSELVES. That's basically saying "because the author doesn't want the audience to know." You talk about enemies and danger as if covering your eyes will somehow make them go away. All it does is render the MC helpless to avoid these dangers and force him to stumble face first into them due to ignorance.

JONRED
JONREDLv3
SinfuLeeCerebral
SinfuLeeCerebralLv15

I'm about 20 chapters in as is my limit for every novel on seeing whether i will continue reading it and gauging its overall quality. I'm really liking the mixed genre of the novel and how there are so many possibilities towards growth and development. everything from Sci-fi to magick seems possible. the MC is lamentable at times though, his personality isn't very believable and can seem extremely immature. for being a prisoner he sure is lighthearted... i know he's only suppose to be 19, and that he no longer has his past memories but seeing such child like thoughts coming from him can grow annoying quickly. (is supposed to have regressed but some how knows how to be witty and talk back to the guards? lacks decorum and common sense but remembers non-sense such as actors and short phrases?) i feel like this novel could be a stellar 5 star novel if the author spent more time rereading the work for mistakes (as most of them can be easily found if the extra time was spent) and if the fourth wall wasn't broken at all. this novel really has the opportunity to be phenomenal if the serious undertones wouldn't keep getting disturbed mid flow. you have this novel that talks about the lives of others as if they're nothing and how rape and murder could happen around any corner, then out of no where (insert half remembered words or phrases. insert breaking the fourth wall.) it just completely lessens the overall quality of the novel. if author chose to rewrite this without so much nonsense and fourth wall breaking this could easily make it to the front page for weeks to come. best of luck to the author though, I'll continue to read it for a while longer to see how the author develops everything...

JavaTari
JavaTariLv4
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