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SrWeedalot
SrWeedalotLv56yr
2018-10-10 09:01

Do you like an mc that get's slapped around and pis*ed on? Well, if so then this is the novel you have been looking for. Do you like an mc that get's slapped around and pis*ed on? Well, if so then this is the novel you have been looking for.

Liked by 18 people

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Replies12
Anone
AnoneAuthor

You should give him a chance, he's not going to be weak forever

pandabanana
pandabananaLv5

Are you sure about that? I think you’re just going to introduce stronger enemies to piss on him once more.

Anone:You should give him a chance, he's not going to be weak forever
KingMufasa
KingMufasaLv5

Haha.. the pissing on god

Anone
AnoneAuthor

Stronger enemies,yes. But none of them with the capability of pissing on him. At this point in the story he's still just a confused a weak kid. That's temporary. There's no instant power boost. He does get stronger, the only difference is he had to work hard for it. Thanks for reading.

pandabanana:Are you sure about that? I think you’re just going to introduce stronger enemies to piss on him once more.
PJCG
PJCGLv10

Will see

Anone:Stronger enemies,yes. But none of them with the capability of pissing on him. At this point in the story he's still just a confused a weak kid. That's temporary. There's no instant power boost. He does get stronger, the only difference is he had to work hard for it. Thanks for reading.
Bartzabel
BartzabelLv11

Read ahead, uncultured swine! He does get to become a badass beating vamps tiers above him, and shows Adein some love, so stop being stuck on not even the 10th chapter and read after chapter 50, you'll be scared of some pf his friends!

pandabanana:Are you sure about that? I think you’re just going to introduce stronger enemies to piss on him once more.
Bartzabel
BartzabelLv11

It's we'll. And thousands already have.

PJCG:Will see
Bartzabel
BartzabelLv11

Lol, I like bashing haters in the review section now! It's okay, I'll slowly degrade their basic motor functions until they turn into beasts and I'll keep them as my pets.

Anone:Stronger enemies,yes. But none of them with the capability of pissing on him. At this point in the story he's still just a confused a weak kid. That's temporary. There's no instant power boost. He does get stronger, the only difference is he had to work hard for it. Thanks for reading.
Anone
AnoneAuthor

Damn! If I say you don't scare me, then I would be lying. Thanks for for defending my story, but it's okay. Critics make me want to do better than before. I see it as a challenge even though it hurts sometimes. My subsequent stories after Kael Cor did get better due to that. Thanks for being such an awesome and amazing reader. Just take it easy on the others please. 😁😁😁

Bartzabel:Lol, I like bashing haters in the review section now! It's okay, I'll slowly degrade their basic motor functions until they turn into beasts and I'll keep them as my pets.
Bartzabel
BartzabelLv11

I'll take it easy...😭 I'll just bash the repetitive things that make you constantly repeat yourself! Have a great day, Anone!

Anone:Damn! If I say you don't scare me, then I would be lying. Thanks for for defending my story, but it's okay. Critics make me want to do better than before. I see it as a challenge even though it hurts sometimes. My subsequent stories after Kael Cor did get better due to that. Thanks for being such an awesome and amazing reader. Just take it easy on the others please. 😁😁😁
pandabanana
pandabananaLv5

Yeah hard to read on about the mc being crapped on huh?

Bartzabel:Read ahead, uncultured swine! He does get to become a badass beating vamps tiers above him, and shows Adein some love, so stop being stuck on not even the 10th chapter and read after chapter 50, you'll be scared of some pf his friends!
Anone
AnoneAuthor

Thanks LiZhu have a great day yourself

Bartzabel:I'll take it easy...😭 I'll just bash the repetitive things that make you constantly repeat yourself! Have a great day, Anone!
Other Reviews
TwistedSomnus
TwistedSomnusLv15

There's a problem with the writing. The english itself is fine, but the pacing, focus, and rational are all sub-par. Pacing - There are 3 chapters before the official chapter 1 that are glossaries of terms and information about the world, and this is a definite red flag. 1) This is a terrible way to start a story. I don't want to do homework in order to read a novel for leisure. 2) If this is neccessary to understand the story, then you have failed as a writer. You need to show the audience, not tell them. That's the difference between a story and a textbook. 3) Revealing all these details is a part of storytelling. Dumping them all in the beginning simply means you can't use their revelation to further your story. Discovering things with the MC is one of the joys of reading a book, and now you've robbed us of that experience to some extent. 4) By talking about the X levels of your world and how people struggle to climb them, you not only told us the end point of your story, but informed us that we're going to have to read what is basically the same story X times. Another mystery dead and a promise of an endlessly repetitive story. Focus - You need to trim the fat. Details, such as the fact that the MC came in his pants after his first feeding, either need to be cut out or utilized to further the narrative. I believe you were attempting to show how overwhelming of an experience his first feeding was, but you didn't go into enough detail for this fact to be anything other than a distraction. You basically skimmed through the fact that he was exhausted, breezed through his emotional state, and then described in detail the tent in his pants and the stain from his ejaculation. 1 graphic detail amongst a few brief ones sticks out like a sore thumb, and just because it's about a sexual organ doesn't make your novel more "*****." Rational - "Because the information might put you in danger" is not a constructive reason to deny a amnesiac character information about THEMSELVES. That's basically saying "because the author doesn't want the audience to know." You talk about enemies and danger as if covering your eyes will somehow make them go away. All it does is render the MC helpless to avoid these dangers and force him to stumble face first into them due to ignorance.

JONRED
JONREDLv3
SinfuLeeCerebral
SinfuLeeCerebralLv15

I'm about 20 chapters in as is my limit for every novel on seeing whether i will continue reading it and gauging its overall quality. I'm really liking the mixed genre of the novel and how there are so many possibilities towards growth and development. everything from Sci-fi to magick seems possible. the MC is lamentable at times though, his personality isn't very believable and can seem extremely immature. for being a prisoner he sure is lighthearted... i know he's only suppose to be 19, and that he no longer has his past memories but seeing such child like thoughts coming from him can grow annoying quickly. (is supposed to have regressed but some how knows how to be witty and talk back to the guards? lacks decorum and common sense but remembers non-sense such as actors and short phrases?) i feel like this novel could be a stellar 5 star novel if the author spent more time rereading the work for mistakes (as most of them can be easily found if the extra time was spent) and if the fourth wall wasn't broken at all. this novel really has the opportunity to be phenomenal if the serious undertones wouldn't keep getting disturbed mid flow. you have this novel that talks about the lives of others as if they're nothing and how rape and murder could happen around any corner, then out of no where (insert half remembered words or phrases. insert breaking the fourth wall.) it just completely lessens the overall quality of the novel. if author chose to rewrite this without so much nonsense and fourth wall breaking this could easily make it to the front page for weeks to come. best of luck to the author though, I'll continue to read it for a while longer to see how the author develops everything...

JavaTari
JavaTariLv4
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