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ddz1rt
ddz1rtLv125yr
2019-11-12 09:57

The only decent thing about this waste of time is interesting and unique world setup. Otherwise annoying, plain and boring read. So, if you're interested in something to just waste your time this one fits the bill if not - just skip.

Liked by 6 people

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Replies3
Anone
AnoneAuthor

Wow! That's.....harsh. The very first time someone called what I spent over a year of sleepless nights on a waste of time. You should ease up a little, your words can kill a man. None the less thanks so much for reading, sure it's not perfect, but I've tried to make it better with each subsequent chapter. I'm not there yet, but writing this has been a journey for me. Thanks for reading and giving this novel a chance in the first place though. 😁😁😁

ddz1rt
ddz1rtLv12

I could of course, but after going through 130 chapters and finally I decided to stop this torture. Yes quality somewhat goes better, but it is just like toddler learns to walk. And I believe it is better to be honest. Anyways good luck in your writing.

Anone:Wow! That's.....harsh. The very first time someone called what I spent over a year of sleepless nights on a waste of time. You should ease up a little, your words can kill a man. None the less thanks so much for reading, sure it's not perfect, but I've tried to make it better with each subsequent chapter. I'm not there yet, but writing this has been a journey for me. Thanks for reading and giving this novel a chance in the first place though. 😁😁😁
Anone
AnoneAuthor

Yeah writing is very much like a toddler learning to walk. I won't get to the ultimate level immediately, either way thanks for reading. Also you can check out my other active novels, I did learn from this one and tried to make those a bit better. If you're interested that is, but none the less thanks so much for reading.

ddz1rt:I could of course, but after going through 130 chapters and finally I decided to stop this torture. Yes quality somewhat goes better, but it is just like toddler learns to walk. And I believe it is better to be honest. Anyways good luck in your writing.
Other Reviews
TwistedSomnus
TwistedSomnusLv15

There's a problem with the writing. The english itself is fine, but the pacing, focus, and rational are all sub-par. Pacing - There are 3 chapters before the official chapter 1 that are glossaries of terms and information about the world, and this is a definite red flag. 1) This is a terrible way to start a story. I don't want to do homework in order to read a novel for leisure. 2) If this is neccessary to understand the story, then you have failed as a writer. You need to show the audience, not tell them. That's the difference between a story and a textbook. 3) Revealing all these details is a part of storytelling. Dumping them all in the beginning simply means you can't use their revelation to further your story. Discovering things with the MC is one of the joys of reading a book, and now you've robbed us of that experience to some extent. 4) By talking about the X levels of your world and how people struggle to climb them, you not only told us the end point of your story, but informed us that we're going to have to read what is basically the same story X times. Another mystery dead and a promise of an endlessly repetitive story. Focus - You need to trim the fat. Details, such as the fact that the MC came in his pants after his first feeding, either need to be cut out or utilized to further the narrative. I believe you were attempting to show how overwhelming of an experience his first feeding was, but you didn't go into enough detail for this fact to be anything other than a distraction. You basically skimmed through the fact that he was exhausted, breezed through his emotional state, and then described in detail the tent in his pants and the stain from his ejaculation. 1 graphic detail amongst a few brief ones sticks out like a sore thumb, and just because it's about a sexual organ doesn't make your novel more "*****." Rational - "Because the information might put you in danger" is not a constructive reason to deny a amnesiac character information about THEMSELVES. That's basically saying "because the author doesn't want the audience to know." You talk about enemies and danger as if covering your eyes will somehow make them go away. All it does is render the MC helpless to avoid these dangers and force him to stumble face first into them due to ignorance.

JONRED
JONREDLv3
SinfuLeeCerebral
SinfuLeeCerebralLv15

I'm about 20 chapters in as is my limit for every novel on seeing whether i will continue reading it and gauging its overall quality. I'm really liking the mixed genre of the novel and how there are so many possibilities towards growth and development. everything from Sci-fi to magick seems possible. the MC is lamentable at times though, his personality isn't very believable and can seem extremely immature. for being a prisoner he sure is lighthearted... i know he's only suppose to be 19, and that he no longer has his past memories but seeing such child like thoughts coming from him can grow annoying quickly. (is supposed to have regressed but some how knows how to be witty and talk back to the guards? lacks decorum and common sense but remembers non-sense such as actors and short phrases?) i feel like this novel could be a stellar 5 star novel if the author spent more time rereading the work for mistakes (as most of them can be easily found if the extra time was spent) and if the fourth wall wasn't broken at all. this novel really has the opportunity to be phenomenal if the serious undertones wouldn't keep getting disturbed mid flow. you have this novel that talks about the lives of others as if they're nothing and how rape and murder could happen around any corner, then out of no where (insert half remembered words or phrases. insert breaking the fourth wall.) it just completely lessens the overall quality of the novel. if author chose to rewrite this without so much nonsense and fourth wall breaking this could easily make it to the front page for weeks to come. best of luck to the author though, I'll continue to read it for a while longer to see how the author develops everything...

JavaTari
JavaTariLv4
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