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Shut up: You, Nymphomaniac Evil Sword

Auteur: Half_Blind
Adolescents et jeunes adultes
Actuel · 980.7K Affichage
  • 248 Shc
    Contenu
  • 4.7
    24 audimat
  • NO.200+
    SOUTIEN
Synopsis

A young philosopher ends up in a war-torn world, where he finds himself among the poor and needy rebels who fight against the humongous army of the corrupted and merciless Alliance government. The Mystery behind his appearance in this new world, slowly unravels as he travels the magical world and faces new challenges. The story follows the philosopher's journey along with his companion, a Nymphomaniac Evil sword, through this modern and magical world, as he experiences different battles, adventures and his own personal dilemmas. Please bear with my English and Thank you all for reading Disclaimer :The cover picture doesn't belong to me, if the artist wants it to be removed it will be removed......

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Table des matières
Volume 1 :L... L... T.. R..........

audimat

  • Tarif global
  • Qualité de l’écriture
  • Mise à jour de la stabilité
  • Développement de l’histoire
  • Conception des personnages
  • Contexte mondial
Critiques
Aimé
Nouveau
WWFire
WWFireLv4

Writing style is a train wreck (especially the first 5 five chapters; barely readable): punctuation problems, capitalization problems, too much use of "...", confusing use of braces and brackets (why use this symbols for dialogue/thoughts at all?), lacking dialogue tags or action beats (author writes like a screenwriting). I have no complains for grammar though. Instead of using symbols with unclear meaning (i.e. braces or brackets), just use the standard apostrophe or quotes for thoughts and dialogues. It is your job as an author to make sure that the readers understand whether it is the character's thoughts, mind communications, or dialogues by using the standard format. Do yourself a favor by researching more on proper novel dialogue writing (punctuation too!). Here are other elements I feel that you are lacking: 1. The sense of the MC! That's right, a human has 5 sense, not just sight. How does it smells like when MC arrived in the world? When he drink the water, how does it taste like? Are there any sounds of cracking flames and wave of heat when he got near the burning mountain? If you want to create extraordinary immersion, you should improve this point. 2. What was his name again? Ah, Sam! I almost forgot his name without you mentioning it at all at chapter 10 and only once at chapter 9. 3. World building (visuals) is quite lacking in the first few chaps. You need to improve from this question: What is the MC's first impression on seeing the new world? Just "dumbfounded" or "awestruck" is not enough. If you think you can give more visualization more on the world , don't be afraid on making an extra chapter just for it. What I say is that, imagine yourself in that world, what do you see and feel in your surrounding?

Xiao_Zuojia
Xiao_ZuojiaLv3

SOUTIEN

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