Muy bueno)))))((()()))((()))))))))())())())(())))((((()((())())((())))(())()))((()))))(())()()()()()()())))()()())()()())()()()())())()(()())(()())())(()())(()((())(())(())()()(
Liked by 1 people
No replies. Be the first!
Writing style is a train wreck (especially the first 5 five chapters; barely readable): punctuation problems, capitalization problems, too much use of "...", confusing use of braces and brackets (why use this symbols for dialogue/thoughts at all?), lacking dialogue tags or action beats (author writes like a screenwriting). I have no complains for grammar though. Instead of using symbols with unclear meaning (i.e. braces or brackets), just use the standard apostrophe or quotes for thoughts and dialogues. It is your job as an author to make sure that the readers understand whether it is the character's thoughts, mind communications, or dialogues by using the standard format. Do yourself a favor by researching more on proper novel dialogue writing (punctuation too!). Here are other elements I feel that you are lacking: 1. The sense of the MC! That's right, a human has 5 sense, not just sight. How does it smells like when MC arrived in the world? When he drink the water, how does it taste like? Are there any sounds of cracking flames and wave of heat when he got near the burning mountain? If you want to create extraordinary immersion, you should improve this point. 2. What was his name again? Ah, Sam! I almost forgot his name without you mentioning it at all at chapter 10 and only once at chapter 9. 3. World building (visuals) is quite lacking in the first few chaps. You need to improve from this question: What is the MC's first impression on seeing the new world? Just "dumbfounded" or "awestruck" is not enough. If you think you can give more visualization more on the world , don't be afraid on making an extra chapter just for it. What I say is that, imagine yourself in that world, what do you see and feel in your surrounding?
This novel has many different elements such as philosophy , leadership , alchemy, artifacts, high tech etc The problem is Dear author : you don't have to make a single mc experience them all and give us a bit of everything You could very well create many main characters with different backgrounds walking towards the very same goal as the mc Hope you consider my suggestion and tell me your opinion
Very good novel i like the many jokes and the swort of a pervert.馃槀馃槀馃槀馃棥馃毢
馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑
Is a kind of weird story, I don't know. So far I will read it to see if I will love it later on. I love this kind of stuff but... I will follow up with the update.
Muy bueno))((()((((()()(((()((((()(()()()()(()()()()())()())()(((((())(()())()())()()())))))))))(((((()(((((()()()()()()()))(())()))((())((()((((((()(()())()()(()()()()())()(()
xvbd,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
This is a great story. It starts out a little slow cause of all the technical stuff, but it鈥檚 really worth the read, and has really gotten really interesting. You can鈥檛 guess what鈥檚 gonna happen next and it new and refreshing. I hope the author keep this tale going cause I can鈥檛 wait to see what鈥檚 next.
A bit of a slow start it gets better then since twists and turns the concept is fairly interesting and the character has some room to grow.
As the ruler of a munitions empire, Tang Mo unexpectedly fell and was transported to an entirely different world, where he also unexpectedly acquired a "King of Munitions" system. In this underdeveloped world, Tang Mo relied on the abilities granted to him by the system to drive the development of the entire world. After all, the desire for civilization conquest had always been the driving force behind progress, and life had continuously evolved between attack and defense over tens of millions of years... So, selling assault rifles to these archers and training knights to be tank operators... there shouldn't be any problem with that, right? XD
Alfonso was a historian of earth who suddenly appear in the body of Alfonso Lockheart, a fallen prince that is the Lord of a formal city known as the wasteland valley, with infertile land and losing the protection of their god, the wasteland valley is land that is destined to be destroyer by the extreme weather and the attacks of beast. Alfonso was in a despair situation; however, he wasn鈥檛 destined to fall in this land, that is because.... [The supreme sovereign system welcomes its new host, with the help of the Greek gods as your allies, you will become the new sovereign of this land!]
Jarvis Maximus has awoken on an unknown continent on Earth though in this universe Earth was different as leaders for each nation was different from the ones in reality
Greg was the son of the smartest and most powerful people in the world. His Mom and Dad being geniuses made advanced technology that boosted the world's development level but also caused more conflict. Follow Greg as he tries and build an Empire in Game of thrones --- --- This Story will be faced paced and include Kingdom building and a Harem The Game of Thrones world will also have a slightly bigger population and bigger armies This is a side project so don't expect fast updates unless readers ask for more.
Through war, flames, dragons, and utter hell. This is my tale. This is my legacy. I invite you to peer into my past to learn of my pain, my legend, and my triumph. Join me if you are willing to hear the stories of an old man's youth.
James, a brilliant mechanical engineer and passionate history enthusiast, loses his life in a tragic house fire鈥攐nly to find himself in a mysterious world as the ruler of an island nation. Armed with his modern knowledge and unwavering ambition, James embarks on a bold mission to industrialize his kingdom and build an empire on which the sun never sets.
Since Lady Goddess granted me a second life, I will conquer this new world and transform it into a utopia! Author鈥檚 note: This is a story of kingdom building and conquest. A reincarnated person uses his knowledge to develop weapons and develop his nation in a world similar to Earth, albeit with a fantasy twist. The fantasy element is relatively weak in combat but is prevalent in production, taming, and mechanics. So there won鈥檛 be one-man armies, or sword saints and heroes.
In the Shadow of Heaven: A Gripping Tale of Rebellion, Redemption, and Uncovering Truth In the dawn of creation, a celestial rebellion ignited, shattering the heavens and casting a shadow over humanity. Lucifer, once an angel bathed in divine light, led a legion of fallen beings in a defiant war against God. But their rebellion was not without consequence. Cast down to the depths, they vowed vengeance, their whispers of darkness forever poisoning the hearts of men. Generations passed, shrouded in a veil of ignorance. Humanity, corrupted by sin, wandered blindly towards oblivion. But amidst the darkness, whispers of hope arose. Prophets spoke of a coming Anointed One, a Messiah sent to vanquish the shadows and usher in a new dawn. His arrival, heralded by angels and marked by miracles, ignited a spark of faith in the hearts of the weary. Yet, the forces of darkness did not surrender. They tempted the Anointed One, tested his resolve, and unleashed the full fury of their malice. In a battle spanning realms unseen, the fate of humanity hung in the balance. The Anointed One, descending into the abyss to confront the fallen, fought not with earthly weapons, but with the unwavering power of faith and love. His victory reverberated through the heavens, shattering the chains of darkness. But the struggle for light was far from over. Deceptive whispers still slithered through the world, disguised as truth and masquerading as salvation. The path to redemption, illuminated by scripture yet obscured by doubt, demanded a journey of personal exploration and unwavering faith. Within the pages of this book lies not just a tale of epic battles and divine intervention, but a poignant exploration of humanity's eternal struggle against darkness. It is a call to arms, urging readers to embrace the transformative power of faith and step into the light, armed with the knowledge of truth and the unwavering conviction to claim the ultimate victory: salvation.