webnovel
nomial
nomialLv145yr
2019-11-16 19:19

A bit of a slow start it gets better then since twists and turns the concept is fairly interesting and the character has some room to grow.

Liked by 1 people

LIKE
Replies1
Half_Blind
Half_BlindAuthor

thank you for the review...

Other Reviews
WWFire
WWFireLv4

Writing style is a train wreck (especially the first 5 five chapters; barely readable): punctuation problems, capitalization problems, too much use of "...", confusing use of braces and brackets (why use this symbols for dialogue/thoughts at all?), lacking dialogue tags or action beats (author writes like a screenwriting). I have no complains for grammar though. Instead of using symbols with unclear meaning (i.e. braces or brackets), just use the standard apostrophe or quotes for thoughts and dialogues. It is your job as an author to make sure that the readers understand whether it is the character's thoughts, mind communications, or dialogues by using the standard format. Do yourself a favor by researching more on proper novel dialogue writing (punctuation too!). Here are other elements I feel that you are lacking: 1. The sense of the MC! That's right, a human has 5 sense, not just sight. How does it smells like when MC arrived in the world? When he drink the water, how does it taste like? Are there any sounds of cracking flames and wave of heat when he got near the burning mountain? If you want to create extraordinary immersion, you should improve this point. 2. What was his name again? Ah, Sam! I almost forgot his name without you mentioning it at all at chapter 10 and only once at chapter 9. 3. World building (visuals) is quite lacking in the first few chaps. You need to improve from this question: What is the MC's first impression on seeing the new world? Just "dumbfounded" or "awestruck" is not enough. If you think you can give more visualization more on the world , don't be afraid on making an extra chapter just for it. What I say is that, imagine yourself in that world, what do you see and feel in your surrounding?

Related Stories

Magic gene: Hero 100th son is Lord of Destruction

"Gene Mage Ο€ : BOSS SIDE CHARACTER" is a novel combo character, embodying both the traits of a side character and a villain, ultimately becoming the boss side character. S1 : Side character surf: THE END S2 : BOSS SIDE CHARACTER ( DESTROYER GALARCH VILLAINOUS ERA UPCOMING ) side character (zen ) from the Blue planet reopens his eyes inside the womb of the royal Night Rider family matriarch. "Damn it, in a population of billions of beings and more than a hundred races, why do I have to be born as one of the 100th sons of a hero , is transmigrator from Earth, reincarnated a century ago before me , defeated the demon king, titled by a hero king, on top married hundreds of wives? 100 step-moms . β€œWhat do I do now? Nothing is left for me? Advance mage Civilization has already surpass comman Earth tech ”zen night rider questions, pondering the purpose of his existence. "Since i am not Hero , then what ?villain or just a side character?" he wonders as the story takes unexpected twists. Observing the world, Zen come to know "What's happening to this world? Besides the old man, there are more than one protagonist with systems and golden fingers." He reflects on the inequality, "Worst of all, they have golden fingers and systems aiding their progress. Meanwhile, as an eighteen-year-old, I'm left doing push-ups and pull-ups, gaining only a few abs. What can I do with eight abs? Seduce and steal the protagonist's women?" Lost in unexpected plots and twists, how our side character will survive in a world of advance magic extracted from gene sequences inside cells. Is he destined to remain a side character, crushed? Or will he turn himself into a monstrous villain? (Notes: The whole story is in two phases. In the current phase, Zen Night Rider is living life as a side character, so please be patient while reading till the thrilling awakening of the villainous Boss side character.) Warning: Hero lovers, refrain from this novel. S 1 Add your library for an experience of slice of magic gene journeys : - Advanced Magic Society - Warmachine - Magic Academy Adventure - VAMPIRES / SHADOW - Multiple Protagonists and Female Leads - Genomes magic codes - magic v/s tech war S2 upcoming - Cosmic GALARCH / galactic creature war - Jurassic mage tribe - 100 Race battle ( ELF , Undead , Ragnarok, BARBARIC , ORG , VAMPIRE , SHADOW , WOLF , DINOSAUR ETC) - DESTROYER SIDE OF ZEN The story has three arcs: - ongoing Arc: SIDE CHARACTER SUFFERING ( complete By Next Sunday In mass Release) Requirements to start volume 2 Release: atleast one golden ticket support and goft Or 100 comments + 100 power stone

LORDNOVEL18 Β· War
Not enough ratings
75 Chs

Synthetic Survivor: Machine Age

β€œThere is this aching feeling, it pains my heart and fries my already half-human and half-machine heart. I awoke in a world of death and destruction, I am the only survivor. But this may be a blessing, this new world, this world that boasts magic, maybe I will finally bring salvation to my world, even if it causes millions of lives,” One woke with amnesia underneath the shattered remains of a once prosperous human civilization. He remembered nothing, his past or the events that happened that caused the world to become as it was. He was no longer purely human, he woke to find himself a hybrid between a man and a machine. But amid the radioactive dunes and lifeless expanse of the Earth, a lone machine network survived the disaster. After discovering that he controlled them, he set out on one goal: Rebuild. But how can he fully rebuild? For the Earth once had life but now was barren, not even bacteria survived. Until the wormhole appeared a decade later. But he was not alone, when he awoke, a voice rang in his head, who was it? It was his friend, a friend from the past. Although he does not remember her name, he still felt how important she was before even if he has lost all his humanity and memories, her name was Hailey. Follow her as she guides One a decade after he awakes, the both of them will form the most powerful machine leaders who will ever walk in the face of the two worlds. Their story will start a decade into One’s rebuilding, he now controlled a vast network of machines around the planet Earth, all focused in the effort of rebuilding the world towards its former glory, there was only one thing missing, an essential attribute which differentiated Earth from all other known planets, life. But everything changed when a wormhole opened, a breach within the fabric of space and time, opening a pathway between Earth and a world of fantasy! Follow One as he and his Empire explores this new mystical world full of elves, goblins, orcs, dwarves, ogres, humans, kingdoms, empires and magic! His goal of restoring life may be within his grasps. But that does not mean there won’t be opposition. There will be battles, wars and calamities, millions will perish in the onslaught that will soon follow. Especially, when One discovers that the new world held the secrets of the past. He will face Deities and powerful foes, will he prevail? New weapons he will smith and countries he shall wipe out, for he is, One. ----- Discord: https://discord.gg/HrTg3T8

NaranNarman Β· War
4.5
162 Chs