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Xiao_Zuojia
Xiao_ZuojiaLv35yr
2019-10-22 14:02

Give it a try. Sounds nice. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Shut up: You, Nymphomaniac Evil Sword

Half_Blind
4.7
248 Chs

Liked by 1 people

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Replies1
Half_Blind
Half_BlindAuthor

thank you for the review

5yr
Other Reviews
WWFire
WWFireLv4

Writing style is a train wreck (especially the first 5 five chapters; barely readable): punctuation problems, capitalization problems, too much use of "...", confusing use of braces and brackets (why use this symbols for dialogue/thoughts at all?), lacking dialogue tags or action beats (author writes like a screenwriting). I have no complains for grammar though. Instead of using symbols with unclear meaning (i.e. braces or brackets), just use the standard apostrophe or quotes for thoughts and dialogues. It is your job as an author to make sure that the readers understand whether it is the character's thoughts, mind communications, or dialogues by using the standard format. Do yourself a favor by researching more on proper novel dialogue writing (punctuation too!). Here are other elements I feel that you are lacking: 1. The sense of the MC! That's right, a human has 5 sense, not just sight. How does it smells like when MC arrived in the world? When he drink the water, how does it taste like? Are there any sounds of cracking flames and wave of heat when he got near the burning mountain? If you want to create extraordinary immersion, you should improve this point. 2. What was his name again? Ah, Sam! I almost forgot his name without you mentioning it at all at chapter 10 and only once at chapter 9. 3. World building (visuals) is quite lacking in the first few chaps. You need to improve from this question: What is the MC's first impression on seeing the new world? Just "dumbfounded" or "awestruck" is not enough. If you think you can give more visualization more on the world , don't be afraid on making an extra chapter just for it. What I say is that, imagine yourself in that world, what do you see and feel in your surrounding?

5yr

Melan_Hijack
Melan_HijackLv2

This novel has many different elements such as philosophy , leadership , alchemy, artifacts, high tech etc The problem is Dear author : you don't have to make a single mc experience them all and give us a bit of everything You could very well create many main characters with different backgrounds walking towards the very same goal as the mc Hope you consider my suggestion and tell me your opinion

3yr
Chris_LP
Chris_LPLv10

Very good novel i like the many jokes and the swort of a pervert.馃槀馃槀馃槀馃棥馃毢

5yr
poodanation
poodanationLv5

馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑馃憤馃徑

5yr
kingmo
kingmoLv5

Is a kind of weird story, I don't know. So far I will read it to see if I will love it later on. I love this kind of stuff but... I will follow up with the update.

5yr
Rukimedsu
RukimedsuLv4

Muy bueno))((()((((()()(((()((((()(()()()()(()()()()())()())()(((((())(()())()())()()())))))))))(((((()(((((()()()()()()()))(())()))((())((()((((((()(()())()()(()()()()())()(()

4yr
Rukimedsu
RukimedsuLv4

Muy bueno)))))((()()))((()))))))))())())())(())))((((()((())())((())))(())()))((()))))(())()()()()()()())))()()())()()())()()()())())()(()())(()())())(()())(()((())(())(())()()(

4yr
Jumpe
JumpeLv11

xvbd,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

5yr
Conna
ConnaLv15

This is a great story. It starts out a little slow cause of all the technical stuff, but it鈥檚 really worth the read, and has really gotten really interesting. You can鈥檛 guess what鈥檚 gonna happen next and it new and refreshing. I hope the author keep this tale going cause I can鈥檛 wait to see what鈥檚 next.

5yr
nomial
nomialLv14

A bit of a slow start it gets better then since twists and turns the concept is fairly interesting and the character has some room to grow.

5yr
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