Reviews of White Queen Ascending
White Queen Ascending
existing
- Overall Rate
- Writing Quality
- Updating Stability
- Story Development
- Character Design
- world background
Hi author here! I'll rate my own novel 5 stars đđ I wish you'd give this story a chance and add it to your libraries. Tho I'm a complete newbie in writing, I'll still try my best to make the story as good as I can.
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Hello, your novel has been assessed and review by Virtual Bookshelf. A review excerpt is as follows: Characters: Amias - No real backstory or much of a clear or compelling reason to help Luciana. Personality isnât very defined or unique. In other words, he doesnât stand out/isnât memorable. Luciana - Sheâs a little bit lackluster. In part, that IS her personality-stoic and introverted. But even the âquietâ ones have underlying, strong feelings, thoughts, fears, and motivations. She needs a little more depth and backstory so readers can better grasp her personality and uniqueness compared to any other stoic characters of other stories. Finally in chapter 11, we see a little into her inner struggle. âTruthfully, she's finding it hard to spar with another kid. Half of her mind keeps on telling her to kill him. âŚ. how hard it was for her to keep her hands from dealing a killing blow.â Theon - Seems like the antagonist or is part of those âagainstâ Luciana and her escape. Torin - A kindly man who takes an orphan in. Not much to say. He has a backstory on his family, but it doesnât seem of much significance to plot except establishing a somewhat tragic backstory. Marcus, his friend, again, nothing to say. Oleander - âTorin explained to him about Luciana's past, and he now understand her introverted personality. Now, he no longer care even if most of the time, she ignored him. Torin also said, if he showed her kindness and stayed with her longer, they could be good friends in the future.â Poor boy; Torin has to explain to him about Luciana. Yet another kind person to help and try to understand her. .........(cont.) The full review is linked to your title on: https://virtualbookshelf.home.blog/2019/02/02/webnovel-assessments-10/ After three chapters, you may request to be assessed again. Thank you, and the best of luck on your writing endeavors! :)
thanks for giving us an update although it's slow I am still anticipating it to read your novel. please give us an update soon! cant wait to read your next update. please keep up the good work. by the way I also like the flow of the story, and how the characters you made is interesting. cant wait for them to meet up in the future.
*Remember, this review is based on the first 5 chapters* Constructive Criticism: I noticed at least one point wherein you used plural, but singular would have functioned better. Other than that, I honestly can't criticize... I heard another say you mixed tenses... either you fixed this or I just don't notice mixed tenses.;,;. Positive Feedback: If I did not critique you in it, I felt you did well... however, other than the fact that you had me wanting more from chapter one, nothing stood out to me. Personal Feedback: I enjoyed reading the novel thus far and will continue reading it in the future.;,;. Keep up the good work.;,;.
Overall the story is interesting and the plot is good. It's good where it matters - interesting, engaging and characters you can feel for and support. Nice writing for the conversations, emotional and meaningful! Feels like watching an anime. Areas for improvement: Very minor logical points which wont detract from story e.g. how she found out about the forest and path (maybe it is revealed later). Grammar and sentence structure (nothing an editor wont fix) Typos
Writing Quality: 3.5/5 Your chapters are well-written in the sense that there is vivid description which enhances your story. The structure of your chapters are good too, the paragraphs are separated decently. The only thing that's preventing me from fully enjoying your novel in regard to this aspect is the grammar and mechanics. There are a few abrupt changes in tense, and incorrect use of commas. You can easily fix this though, and it will improve the flow of the chapters. Stability of Updates: 5/5 The releases of your chapters are pretty consistent, keep it up ^ - ^ Story Development: 4/5 I like the development of your novel so far. You have introduced the background and situation of the protagonist, and brought your readers along with Luciana on her journey to become stronger. You haven't dragged out the introduction and instead written each event succinctly, which is a plus. I'm interested in reading how the story will progress ~ Character Design: 4/5 From the beginning of the first chapter, you have clearly presented the personalities of your characters. I like how you have described their physical features and also hinted at their personal motivations and backgrounds. You have utilised dialogue well, the nature of these characters are reflected in their conversations and interactions with one another. World Background: 4/5 One thing I really like about how you have executed your worldbuilding is the way you presented it. Readers can gain an understanding of the world not only through the description of the physical elements but also via the interactions and mannerisms of the characters. On the other hand, I recommend that you also add more sensory detail (sight, sound, smell, taste, touch) in your writing. This way, your readers can immerse themselves deeper into the world you have created.
I love this novel. The MC is awesome and feels like a real person. The world building is very descriptive. I look forward to the future chapters. Writing Quality 4.5/5: Some minor grammatical mistakes here and there. Nothing major. It shouldn't impact your enjoyment of the novel at all. Updates 5/5: New novel and already has 4 chapters. Story Development: 5/5. She has a clear goal. Now she needs to find her path to it =) Character Design 5/5: MC and her friend are both great! I like them both. World Background 5/5: The author has great descriptions for the world. I think we'll see it become very fleshed out as chapters continue.
Honestly the grammar in the story is just awful. Read it out loud to yourself before you post and see the difference from your head to ears once you get the hang of it, I can see your novel just shot to the stars and moon. Despite the grammar, it is a very captivating story, makes you want more chapters now. Just please work on the grammar first!
Hiii~~ Fro is here~~ The story is interesting, a strong female character against the whole world. It is a good story, has a lot of potential. I like the scene of fight between the girl with a boy in the cage for entertaintment. It showed the girl's cruel side, and her madness after being locked up. But I think you could use more detail description in the way the girl pulled out the boy's eyes, like sound of tearing eye muscles, or spurting a lot of blood, you could also add some cheering or crazy shouting from the audience for their enjoyment. In the third chapter, you should add a more detail description in the fight between amias and the chasing guys to make them more interesting. There are some grammar mistake, the most ones is about mixing a past tense with present tenses. My grammars isnt good enough to comment a lot, but you should could use one consistent form instead for your story description, either use a present tenses or past tenses for all of them except the character's talking. I also add some comment in each chapters, you can check them. But overall this is really good story. Keep the hard work!!
