Reviews of deleted_book_

So first thing I noticeed: This book is great at showing and not telling. I'm used to stories with telling so this is a different view as there are more dialogue involved. It's comical in the beginning the dialogue how the cute guy Frankie in the beginning didn't remmeber Sara. Maybe I just wished his appearancewas explained much more. WOW lmao that butt sqeeze in the beginning got me like what bro?! Haha will your story have smut scenes too?? I couldn't stop grinning at her reaction in the next chapter. So yes, I really like that you hav excellent writing and your strength is your dialogue for me too because I enjoy hearing your main character interact with others, funny and engaging. I love Assasin's Creed btw...I assume they'r elike best buddies since they play games. I wonder if he likes or why he keep touching her lmao. She got smart to stay at her friend's house but then again, it seems like she is somewhat attracted. Each chapter was so much fun and so relatable as we see inside her mind and know what she is thinking. Okay so dialogue and characters are nice, nothing to complain from me. I notice small grammar errors but that's pretty normal cause I don't make my story perfect too. Perhaps the only thing is for more descriptions on places and how people looked? I really like the two main characters lol, made me laugh and waiting for them to interact all the time. Nice touch in adding the different POV too. Other side stories always interesting to see. (The main character is like me, I curse way too much haha) Awaiting more updates!!

At first glance, the grammar is a bit off, but these things only improve the more you write, and I spotted fewer mistakes the further I read. The style gives off a casual vibe and even though I’m not a big fan of the capitalised words, I’m not planning to consider this in the overall rating as it is a choice that is made by each writer individually. Concerning the characters; to me, the beginning seemed a bit forced but it gradually became more fluid and polished. I applaud you for being able to make me empathise with the main character, I’m torn; my first instincts want to tell her to grow up. On the other hand, I believe it’s quite entertaining to see her struggle with her feelings. It’s ok to make stupid mistakes and fall for people you didn’t expect to fall for, Sara, we’re all still young after all. In the end, I believe this story to be really enjoyable. I was able to relax and be pulled into a romantic drama with a promising plot. Have fun continuing your work!

This book is awesome for hopeless romantics that want something to read and be pulled into entirely and see the world though the characters eyes to experience everything around

this is actually a very romantic story, ask around who doesn't want a romantic love with the one who is destiny, best wishes to all of y'all that you will get a perfect love and perfect lover

Since this story is only 7 chapters long, making a more detailed than usual review actually won't take as much time as I had originally thought. Writing: 3 Okay overall, but there're frequent errors, awkward phrasing, and misspellings. Firstly, incorrect/over-abundant usage of commas, especially when dealing with dialogue. - "Hey..!", I said - "It's Sara..", I replied - "What are you doing here?", he asked In all of these, if there is punctuation used at the end of the dialogue, a comma is not needed. Additionally, in this instance, the comma is not needed --> "Sar- It's you Sara!!!! Oh, my God..", the little asshole finally remembered me. --> It should be "...God.." The little... Since "the little asshole finally remembered me" is not by the speaker of the dialogue/quotes, then it shouldn't be connected to one another in one sentence but in two. - he asked, with excitement. Another unnecessary use of commas. Commas typically have three purposes: 1) At the end of dialogue with no other punctuation and is connected to a subject and verb. Ex: "Okay," he replied. 2) With conjunctions in sentences with two independent clauses. Ex: I love cats, but I also love dogs. 3) Pauses with 'complete ideas' or phrases. (This is the trickier one.) Sometimes this is also in the form of of dangling participles that have been fixed. Ex: While she wasn't the best at art, she still loved drawing. Forgetting about the pot on the stove, the mother tended to the children. In short, most of the errors are punctuational. Last example: - I said, looking at him, who was FYI fully covered with thick woolen clothes, while his face was as innocent as it was back then. Albeit with a thin beard. Revise to --> I said, looking at him. FYI, he was fully covered with thick woolen clothes while his face was as innocent as it was back then, albeit, with a thin beard. It seems that the use of extra commas makes sentences flow less fluidly and coherently. But generally, usage of some words and structuring of them is a little awkward. - he said as I moved past him, absorbing the beautiful interior design inside with a noise following to split my attention. "absorbing the beautiful interior design" doesn't make sense, nor does the "split my attention." Most likely, you meant something like this, "he said as I moved past him. I was absorbed in the beautiful interior design inside, but the following noise broke my attention." This is more correct because the subject I is needed for absorb to be clearly directed at the right noun instead of "him." Additionally, it makes more sense that the sound of the door closing would break one's attention from the design, not split. Misspellings include "heals" instead of "heels" and "me" instead of "my." I suggest getting a proofreader or maybe use Grammarly, but the latter alone won't pick up everything. Story: 3 Characters: 4 The jump of emotions in chapter one don't feel very realistic. Apparently they haven't seen each other for five years, but we get very little insight into their minds upon this reunion occurring. It does make sense that there's some awkwardness--the running out of things to say because they weren't as familiar with one another as in the past--but then Sara breaks this and acts very friendly. This isn't necessarily bad, but there's a lack of build-up before explaining why she chose to visit him. Even though he just popped up in her mind to visit, this feels more forced than natural as is the later sequence of events that follow with Frank groping her. Overall, the interactions seem forced by plot, and Frank switched from being somewhat stiff to daring. After being apart for 5 years where their earlier relationship didn't seem to be romantic (considering the tagging along of Frank after Sara, possibly a crush of his), this sudden move is unrealistic. But, to be fair, I suppose one's character could be like that, but Frank's character will have to be more consistent to make this believable. But as we move on, this whole situation gets smoothed over in way that makes it more acceptable to perceive as realistic. Frankie was just horny, and Sara asserts that he is not to let loose those urges on her. Okay, good. "I am a national level athlete in 3 different major sports and was at one point even in the Olympics probables." --> This sounds like a Mary Sue character as this happening in real life has a basically non-existent chance. The amount of training it takes to become national level in one sport, and even possibly Olympic level, is insane. Three is way overtop. Then there's the question of why exactly is she here visiting him and not training? Did she give up sports after being so successful? Why? Usually people who reach that level are really passionate; it's not just done on a whim because they have talent. Also, "probables" should be probably. The use of 👗 💰 emojis are unnecessary and makes the story seem less polished and very casually written. Sara's strong response to Frank's inappropriate touching makes sense. At times it felt a little too strong, but then again, she's doing the right thing when dealing with someone much younger than her (considering the point of life they're both in; it would be different if they were both 10+ years older). Frank acts a little too immaturely for his age, especially the barging into the room scene. He's young, but he IS 18. If he were one of those immature brats, this would make sense. But except for the touching, he doesn't come across as a brat at all. He actually seems more sensitive. Chapter 4. Frank's character is yet again inconsistent. Oddly enough, Sara is consistent. He takes the boyfriend facade over the top and creates a stickier mess of the situation for Sara. Either he's doing it as sort of soft revenge or teasing, and or he's disrespecting Sara's limits and rules again. On the other hand, perhaps Sara needs these more direct advances for the two to get together, but it can still be done without it. Okay, so this is an interactive story. Usually I would stay away from these to dictate the flow of the story, but you handled this well in chapter 5. I'm not so sure about the creation of characters by the readers though... This should be your story that you're writing, but it's a personal choice, so I'll leave it at that. (And maybe after the story is complete, you can write a more fleshed out version of it.) Updates: 5 World: 3 Needs more backstory and details of the settings. Overall: 3.6 The bisexual MC with her two "love interests" --although one of them is one-sided (Frank)-- makes for an interesting story. But the actual execution needs some polishing. Your strong points are Sara and Ashley's characters. I hope this is the detailed review you were looking for and that this helped~ Good luck, and keep on writing~!

I'm actually a bit astounded as I don't know what to say. I've never been asked to review to review such a story before. But here goes. Writing quality; The writing here was really good and smooth, not many errors, just a few. gtability of updates; Stability is good, so I'm given it a 5. Story development; The story is progressing well and at a great pace. Cgaracter design, good.

THE GRAMMAR IS GOOD. IT IS QUITE UNDERSTANDABLE. ALSO WHEN YOU READ IT. THE CHAPTERS JUST PULL YOU INSIDE THE NOVEL IF YOU ARE ALSO PART OF THE STORY. I'M JE.ALOUS.. YOU DON'T HAVE MANY MISTAKES IN THE GRAMMAR. BUT MY NOVEL HAVE SO MANY ERRORS. KEEP IT UP...

Let's talk about the first problem, the age gap between Frank and Sara is just too big, six year just doesn't seem comfortable, but that is my opinion whatever sails your boat. The second one is the characters, I can't see any sparks between Sara and Frank maybe everything will change down the line but now it is like a one sided love so there is not much feel at all. The pacing of the novel could be a little faster at the start or it is just me as I usually read action novels who knows? But it doesn't really affect the story it just makes it flow better so I still gave you five stars on story development. The world is explained at the start which is nice, just make everything flow better and the novel will be better. Good job. :D

a few grammatical mistakes but to be honest I almost instantly forgot about them because the story line just pulled me in. I love the characters and the rivalry so far. cant wait to see what happens next added to the library ;)

It's only 3 chapters at the time of writing, and I normally wait until 10 chapters before reviewing. However, doing this extra early as part of a review swap. Overall, I found the novel interesting and not like what I had initially expected. It's up my alley so added to library. Writing Quality: As English isn't my first language, I found this to be okay and does not disrupt my reading too much. Any grammatical errors are negligible and I can still read smoothly. Hence, 4* Stability of Updates: too soon to tell but 5* out of good faith. Story Development: It's better than I had expected initially, based on what the Author had said in the forums. I thought there was going to be smut scenes even from Ch.1 but was pleasantly surprised to see that there is going to be a buildup. Not much happening in 3 chapters but you can see the struggle the ML (I think he is) is going through. Character Design & World Background: Too soon to tell but has potential.

Part of a review swap- Review Valid as of Chapter 3 Writing Quality: A few things I noticed Chapter 1- ?", ---> ?" (Get rid of the comma, it's not necessary unless your writing something like..here's an example of a random sentence "I understand what you mean but," he drawled and continued, "This is my ) I think I panicked and froze should be in the same sentence, no need to separate them. Chapter 2--> he was shook --> rewrite it - He was shocked 🤔 I think you could describe the characters actions and movements more. You could add this with the speaking dialogue, Chapter 2--> and just wanted to grab you..I'm sorry -->" could rewrite it like this ----> "and just wanted to grab you," Frank avoided my gaze, and yet quickly apologized, "I"m sorry." Chapter 3--> TWICE --> Twice (No need to capitalize this, I realize you want to emphasise the word. But one does not need to capitalize unless it is necessary. You could have easily used an action to describe this) for example --> Twice! I emphasised and repeated the word twice in my mind. A lot of speaking dialouge that requires extra description 🤔 Right now when I'm reading, it's hard to tell who is speaking. Character Design: Only the starting chapters, so I cannot judge. I do have the impression of a strong female lead however and hopefully this remains consistent as the story goes by. Story Development and World Background: Can't judge yet. But based on the summary, the story is certainly interesting. I will keep this in my library.