Reader and writer in order to improve my English. Due to an unknown problem, not all my works on this platform are listed below. Other: A Hitchhiker, a House, and Sausages On The Way Down
‘Poisoning them with emotions’ I love that phrasing. In any case, thank you so much for your praise, you brought a sincere smile to my face.
A brief warning beforehand: I have been quite honest in this review. This comes forth from the believe that you will benefit more from my honesty than from my tendency to sing you praise. So firstly: You present your reader with a popular and promising premise that is well executed. I am not, however, very compelled to keep reading. I believe this because there is an absence of rhythm in your writing. Which causes it to become tedious. Allow me to give you an example: I am a normal sentence. I consist if five words. Look here is another one. This is becoming quite boring. There is no rhythm present. Instead: Instead, try to give your readers sentences with rhythm. Offer them sentences as if you have composed them the same way you would music. Real music. Give them the beating of drums and the sounds of trumpets. Give them rhythm and sound. And then, when you think you have their attention, give them a sentence so long and tedious that you struggle to keep their attention, until you are convinced they have given up until you say, look: it is worth reading. I sincerely hope this absurd example has portrayed my feelings correctly. Secondly, your characters (apart from your main character) tend to feel quite two-dimensional. Which wouldn’t be weird on short-term, but I feel that we spend enough time with them in order for them to develop more immersive character. And I miss that in your work. I know what they look like. I know what their basic characteristics are, but, they don’t feel fleshed out… as your reader, I need more. Give me more texture. Your characters are lively but there is not much dept. I need more information in order for them to feel like actual people. Not necessarily about how they look, but rather how they move. How they feel. Is there a certain charm or abruptness to the way they move? Do their smiles reach their eyes? Do they move their hands while talking? Don’t misunderstand me, this is present in your work. But not enough for your characters to feel real just yet. (Naturally this is very hard to do. I certainly don’t claim to be able to do this perfectly). I do applaud the clear enthusiasm you put into your work and wish you a lot of fun continuing to write your story.
You mean its unreadable? Or just not inviting to read? I’m not trying to undermine your statement, just…. trying to understand what went wrong
Oh wow! What a surprise! I didn’t think this story got any more readers. Thank you so much, you put a sincere smile on my face
With humor and enthusiasm, the author presents us with a charming, bold story that grasps your attention from the very biginning. This story has it all. A lovable protagonist, an engaging storyline, good dialogue, and written in a very easy-going style that makes it very relaxing to read. Well done.
Thank you for your feedback. I thought ‘distinguish’ had three possible meanings: 1) to differentiate something 2) to notice or see something 3) someone esteemed or famed. But perhaps I shouldn’t trust internet dictionaries...
While four chapters are seldom sufficient in order for me to form an opinion, I must confess the engaging characters won me over. The grammar itself is impeccable, which I’ve learnt not to take for granted. An incredible enjoyable story by far.
Presenting us with an adventurous story with a popular premise, the author succeeds in gripping our attention at the first chapter. An entertaining story with strong moments made funny and characters that continue to be winsome. A fun read and certainly worth giving a shot.
Thank you very much for your feedback. And I hate to disappoint you, but this story is a mere one-shot. As of now, the story will not be updated.
A charming tale with a lovable protagonist. While I must confess I did not truly sympathise at first with the protagonist, I must confess she grew on me as the story advanced. There is a youthful naiveté about her that makes her very endearing. The chemistry seemed a tad obligatory, which confused me at first, but now that I think back on it it rather suits the beginning of the story very well. So I assume it’s done on purpose. Overall, it’s a riveting tale and a pleasure to read.
The author presents us with a charming story that handles some very mature themes. Keeping this in mind, I deem it ideal for snuggling up on a cold winter day, with a hot beverage. There are several powerful moments (on which I will not elaborate as I want to keep this review spoiler free). Overall a lovely piece of fiction.
The premise is very promising, and certainly delivers throughout futher chapters. The sentence structure feels a tad off, and it would be a pitty if it were to repel future readers from reading the story. Overall, I deem the story to be a bit of a rough draft of what it could be. I hope you keep practicing, so that all of us might read it in the future.
Very well-written and grammarwise impeccable. The author presents us with a suspensful story that makes for a very fluent and entertaining read. The characters are well-rounded and likeable. My personal preference goes out to stories that are little more discriptive, but I must confess that the current writing style suits the story very well. Overall an engaging work of fiction.
**: I can clearly see in later chapters that your grammar improves, but I’m afraid your readers won’t be able to get past those first few paragraphs
I must confess I have been quite candid while writing this review, more so than I usually would be. This is in the hope to help you progress, rather than to simply song you praise. So with that in mind: While I clearly recognise the effort you take to tell us your story, I find it very difficult to immerse myself. I do not feel invited to read beyond the first few paragraphs. I could account this to two things: firstly, the poor sentence structure and grammar, and secondly, the lack of rhythm. The protagonist himself is engaging, and he has a certain youthful nativity about him that makes him entertaining. Lastly, I wish to bring up the chemistry, which feels very obligatory, and does not thoroughly convince me. I do recognise that this is very hard to write. I hope I did not dissuade you too much and wish you a lot of fun continuing your story.