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Dark_Crown98
Dark_Crown98Lv33yr
2021-07-24 20:52

Well can any one tell me if this whole fanfic is " Monologue" cause I am getting irritated/ I am current on Ch 20 still all "monologue" I mean MC is making plan,thinking what will happen if he fail or success, and like I don't want that women but later I am want that women because of other reason( 😴 Although I loved the plot style and everything..... But It is annoying to read monologue if there is later no monologue and better story line I could like to continue it if not gonna quiet/ But still loved the plot upto now and storyline ( I guess I am not type of guy who loves to read to much inner monologue)😟😟😟

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Bukaro
BukaroAuthor

Sorry, at first I didn't know how to write in the first person so I went overboard with the internal monologue. From chapter 44 I left that and I already formed more dialogues, sorry.

Other Reviews
Yuri_is_Ntr
Yuri_is_NtrLv5

Now I remember why I dislike your first novel. You ask me what this novel about : Well... Something like this. 30 percent of mc thinking about how shit his personality is. 30 percent of mc thinking what girls personality is. 30 percent of thinking about his future plans. 10 percent of actual actions or dialogs between characters. You see a problem here? Maina characters thought is 90 % narrated what happens in retrospective or bitching about girls/his own problems /his future plans. That's not a novel. That's fucking diary. Of bipolar main character. Why I call him bipolar? He doesn't actually comes to conclusions. Develop over times. He switches opinion. If at first he was against long term relationships. He then just accept it. Without actually liking shigure in that moment. Harem? He likes only shigure but started to make plans. Why and how? I don't know. He doesn't actually receive any stimulus to think that way. System quest doesn't actually give him anything noteworthy. He doesn't come to like any others girls. He just wants to make harem now. Great. That's not a character development, mate. That's an illness. Changing you mindset without any reason - is literally bipolarity. Of course before you need to bitch about it. Half a chapter, minimum. Of course. His constant bitching is what get me mad. In first chapters we see someone who have obvious flaws but have a strong character - now he just a bitch who afraid of anything. And like to bash himself and talk how evil he is and how evil he's plans. Without actually showing it. Perfecto, comrade. I don't if his promised character development would actually make it more tolerated. But 10 chapters in, and all I see is nagging . It's like swimming in hot pot that every time keeps rising temperature. It's painful.

THORN
THORNLv1
SOMMO_ARCANO
SOMMO_ARCANOLv2
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