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Time_Control
Time_ControlLv14yr
2021-03-31 13:49

One thing I love about this fanfiction is the emotional development of every character. The main character development is great. I love how he changes as the fanfiction progress. Also yanderes are the best!

Liked by 29 people

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Replies6
dozkiller07
dozkiller07Lv4

but he cahnging so fast that it's confusing.in one chapter he is like "I want a simple life" and in next chapter is a battle manica and in next chapter he says women are trouble some but next he says he want a relation and then again he say harem is trouble but then he say harem is fine and now he say he want build an organisation and a not a simple life.its all good but feel too fast .that's all

Bukaro
BukaroAuthor

Let's say that the MC is a person without personal goals who just follow the flow of things. Although his willpower is unstoppable, it only keeps him moving forward but in himself, he does not have a goal, the MC changes his mind a lot as he advances in a purposeless path which can normally cause an existential crisis

dozkiller07:but he cahnging so fast that it's confusing.in one chapter he is like "I want a simple life" and in next chapter is a battle manica and in next chapter he says women are trouble some but next he says he want a relation and then again he say harem is trouble but then he say harem is fine and now he say he want build an organisation and a not a simple life.its all good but feel too fast .that's all
Bukaro
BukaroAuthor

Yandere is love Yandere is life

dozkiller07
dozkiller07Lv4

yep that's what I said in my above reply.i agree with everything u did to him but it cjhanges too fast.lets just say that he only want single relationship because that's the moral he is grown upon. but due to the exposure of strength and diffrent morals and viewpoint he gradually changes from that view and that become solidifies when the women with him is fine with that. but do this in an natural manner that include and adventure or exposure of difference etc which take like atleast 5 chapters.then we can make it acceptable. also if u focus on single aspect at a time. for eg strength.making a situation that shows the requirement of strength for survival.this doesn't need him to jumb infront a master and almost die like a xiamxia novel. simple the exposure of his new world and high light it like using concept of slavery to give him a ringing bell that world is not all colourfull but dangerous to expecially with this feeble stregth. if u do like that then not only will it be easy for u as u don't need to work on many aspect of charecter at the same time but also u can write many chapter on a single idea. hope this helps

Bukaro:Let's say that the MC is a person without personal goals who just follow the flow of things. Although his willpower is unstoppable, it only keeps him moving forward but in himself, he does not have a goal, the MC changes his mind a lot as he advances in a purposeless path which can normally cause an existential crisis
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Deadrule_vivek
Deadrule_vivekLv5

this pic , it's that flower girl from deadman wonderland right?

PrimordialDemonGod
PrimordialDemonGodLv4

yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the bestyenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the bestyenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best yenderes are the best

Other Reviews
Yuri_is_Ntr
Yuri_is_NtrLv5

Now I remember why I dislike your first novel. You ask me what this novel about : Well... Something like this. 30 percent of mc thinking about how shit his personality is. 30 percent of mc thinking what girls personality is. 30 percent of thinking about his future plans. 10 percent of actual actions or dialogs between characters. You see a problem here? Maina characters thought is 90 % narrated what happens in retrospective or bitching about girls/his own problems /his future plans. That's not a novel. That's fucking diary. Of bipolar main character. Why I call him bipolar? He doesn't actually comes to conclusions. Develop over times. He switches opinion. If at first he was against long term relationships. He then just accept it. Without actually liking shigure in that moment. Harem? He likes only shigure but started to make plans. Why and how? I don't know. He doesn't actually receive any stimulus to think that way. System quest doesn't actually give him anything noteworthy. He doesn't come to like any others girls. He just wants to make harem now. Great. That's not a character development, mate. That's an illness. Changing you mindset without any reason - is literally bipolarity. Of course before you need to bitch about it. Half a chapter, minimum. Of course. His constant bitching is what get me mad. In first chapters we see someone who have obvious flaws but have a strong character - now he just a bitch who afraid of anything. And like to bash himself and talk how evil he is and how evil he's plans. Without actually showing it. Perfecto, comrade. I don't if his promised character development would actually make it more tolerated. But 10 chapters in, and all I see is nagging . It's like swimming in hot pot that every time keeps rising temperature. It's painful.

THORN
THORNLv1
SOMMO_ARCANO
SOMMO_ARCANOLv2
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