webnovel
DonnutHermit
DonnutHermitAuthor3yr
2021-10-31 03:10

I'm being shameless here and giving my own story a review. At least it is not a 5 stars one because I know where it can get better. 4 stars in writing bcs english is not my main laguage, so I still strugle with the vocabulary 5 stars in stability bcs I pretend to realease one chapter per day, at 12h in the webnovel time 5 stars in development bcs I know where I'm going with the story and have a 'script' to get there 4 stars in character because I'm not very good at describing them 5 stars in world bcs is a mix between the sandboxes created by JKRowling and Ichiei Ishibumi, and their worlds are amazing

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Replies23
DartUpdates
DartUpdatesLv14

Harem or solo pair or no strings attached

Legendary_Gear5
Legendary_Gear5Lv13

Has a harem tag dude

DartUpdates:Harem or solo pair or no strings attached
CanRead
CanReadLv2

look at the tags... it's not that hard.

DartUpdates:Harem or solo pair or no strings attached
Vitrialia_Amermes
Vitrialia_AmermesLv3

he blind after all just ignore people like that , their brain in knee after all

CanRead:look at the tags... it's not that hard.
Bakkoy
BakkoyLv4

Inside the tag is weak to strong, is he still weak after his journey? I mean he's 1000 years old right? Or am I wrong?

ViaSky
ViaSkyLv3

I mean his bones are probably frail after a thousand years not to mention his back, give him a break bro.

Bakkoy:Inside the tag is weak to strong, is he still weak after his journey? I mean he's 1000 years old right? Or am I wrong?
Bakkoy
BakkoyLv4

Pfft. Makes sense

ViaSky:I mean his bones are probably frail after a thousand years not to mention his back, give him a break bro.
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Tylor_Roney
Tylor_RoneyLv14

what is dxd not that anime with no plot just fan service I hope

Apathy_Reads
Apathy_ReadsLv4

Tylor_Roney:what is dxd not that anime with no plot just fan service I hope
JoelLude
JoelLudeLv14

You going to continue bro? I'd really hate for this book to be dropped like so many other good fanfics.

romeotango148
romeotango148Lv14

Upgrade it to 5 stars. Youre among the handful of authors i’ve had the pleasure to read that has such a rock steady chapter release schedule. Really appreciate your hard work and if you’ve got a next story youre thinking of writing (as long as its not Naruto related) odds are ill library it by default based on this one

BlkRabbit
BlkRabbitLv4

I just wanna ask, is the 1000 years before canon part formatted like present timeline, then goes back to 1000 years after the arc is over. Or is it gonna a present/past back and forth...?

Ttsfih
TtsfihLv4

hi, could u spoiler me who is in mc h.a.r.e.m to latest chapter? I would like to know before i will start reading.

DarkMoonRaven
DarkMoonRavenLv14

author is this story going to continue and if so when ?

deedlitt
deedlittLv15

wish you could come back and continue with your story its currently the best Hp fan fiction on the site

Arco
ArcoLv4

author come back

Shimmering_Dark
Shimmering_DarkLv15

When are you coming back?

Ambrose_Allen
Ambrose_AllenLv15

man i hoped we could see from where he started not just flashbacks :/

Shimmering_Dark
Shimmering_DarkLv15

Come back to us!

Raj_Vatsal
Raj_VatsalLv4

why dropped the book? ?

Other Reviews
Victortoery12
Victortoery12Lv2

The fic itself is not bad, not my cup of tea but not bad. In the first few chapters, there are some minor spelling mistakes but nothing that makes the story unreadable. ("Ok them," instead of "OK then," in Chapter four) My main grievance is how wordy some parts of the story are, and how inappropriate some of the words used by certain characters are. Helena using "evolves" in Chapter one (Not something a 1010 Y/O Ghost should know) really hurts my soul in particular. (Could have used 'changes'?" I'm not a fan of the whole 'explaining of history' thing that goes on, it makes sense in regards to how you've crafted your fic but it is definitely too wordy. The verbal lashing the mc gives to Dumbles in Chapter Four is also too wordy. The Baron? or Fair? (Ghost) explaining the couple's history to the Weasely boys is also too wordy and has a few spelling mistakes. The readers don't need to be spoon-fed information. Orignal: "That person that the headmaster just addressed as 'my boy', is the husband of Selena Sally Ravenclaw, older twin of Helena Hela Ravenclaw, and daughter of Rowena Ravenclaw. His full name is Erik Runes Ravenclaw Lord of Ravenclaw and the Hogwarts castle. He married his wife, Selena when they were 20 year old. Today, he is 1010 years old. And the headmaster just called him 'my boy'." Less wordy: "The person who the headmaster just addressed as 'boy' is the husband of Selena Ravenclaw, twin sister of Helena Ravenclaw. His name is Erik Ravenclaw, and he's over one-thousand years old." (Not a paragraph of useless info.) There is no real need to include most of the information. Helena being Selena's twin implies that Rowena is her mother, no need to write that Rowena is her mother as "TWINS" should say enough about their relationship in one word. "Older" isn't necessary either, no one cares who the older twin is. Arguably it doesn't matter when you are 1010 years old. Including the Mc's full name is also unnecessary, he's lord Ravenclaw it's obvious his last name is Ravenclaw. Him being Lord Ravenclaw is literally yelled by the elf earlier in the chapter so it doesn't need to be mentioned a fifth time... Lord of Hogwarts (*Eyeroll*) obviously it's mentioned a lot and doesn't need to be included in every chapter, it also doesn't need to be mentioned to the students at Hogwarts, they are not your audience, your audience is your readers. Married at 20 Y/O is unnecessary, who cares when they were married? Him being called Lord Ravenclaw should also imply that he is married to Selene... Today he is 1010 years old... Using numbers instead of words is lazy, though I do it myself. This wordiness never ends and makes reading your fic painful. I don't need to be told every single bit of information, most of it should be inferred (Thought of or worked out by yourself) and not rammed into someone's brain via words. Writing is good because a majority of it is up to the imagination, if you are too specific or 'wordy' it makes it much harder to imagine what's happening. Dialogue between characters shouldn't be a paragraph long, do you let someone just stand there and belt a storm of words at your face for a minute? It just comes off as unnatural if you have a 90-word long speech as dialogue. I don't quite have a better way to convey the wordiness, maybe watch stand-up comedy and look at how trimmed their stories are? Comedians don't include useless information in their story's as that makes them un-palatable. Anything that should be guessed or implicitly understood shouldn't be so obviously stated in the story... Sorry if this is explained poorly, I don't know how to better put it into words. Feel free to message me or reply to this comment if you want to talk a bit about wordiness.

Zero_619
Zero_619Lv5
Akkikuro
AkkikuroLv13
Kibbinz32145
Kibbinz32145Lv3
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