webnovel
abcdefghi987654321Lv32yr
2022-06-08 17:46

It's good at the beginning when Erik is still the mc then the dxd canon cane and *PUFF* Erik became issei's plot armor and like every fanfiction, I read with issei on it the author is a simp for issei like issei this issei that, issei is not even a likable character but oh well author wants author do😒

Liked by 16 people

LIKE
empty img

No replies. Be the first!

Other Reviews
Victortoery12Lv2

The fic itself is not bad, not my cup of tea but not bad. In the first few chapters, there are some minor spelling mistakes but nothing that makes the story unreadable. ("Ok them," instead of "OK then," in Chapter four) My main grievance is how wordy some parts of the story are, and how inappropriate some of the words used by certain characters are. Helena using "evolves" in Chapter one (Not something a 1010 Y/O Ghost should know) really hurts my soul in particular. (Could have used 'changes'?" I'm not a fan of the whole 'explaining of history' thing that goes on, it makes sense in regards to how you've crafted your fic but it is definitely too wordy. The verbal lashing the mc gives to Dumbles in Chapter Four is also too wordy. The Baron? or Fair? (Ghost) explaining the couple's history to the Weasely boys is also too wordy and has a few spelling mistakes. The readers don't need to be spoon-fed information. Orignal: "That person that the headmaster just addressed as 'my boy', is the husband of Selena Sally Ravenclaw, older twin of Helena Hela Ravenclaw, and daughter of Rowena Ravenclaw. His full name is Erik Runes Ravenclaw Lord of Ravenclaw and the Hogwarts castle. He married his wife, Selena when they were 20 year old. Today, he is 1010 years old. And the headmaster just called him 'my boy'." Less wordy: "The person who the headmaster just addressed as 'boy' is the husband of Selena Ravenclaw, twin sister of Helena Ravenclaw. His name is Erik Ravenclaw, and he's over one-thousand years old." (Not a paragraph of useless info.) There is no real need to include most of the information. Helena being Selena's twin implies that Rowena is her mother, no need to write that Rowena is her mother as "TWINS" should say enough about their relationship in one word. "Older" isn't necessary either, no one cares who the older twin is. Arguably it doesn't matter when you are 1010 years old. Including the Mc's full name is also unnecessary, he's lord Ravenclaw it's obvious his last name is Ravenclaw. Him being Lord Ravenclaw is literally yelled by the elf earlier in the chapter so it doesn't need to be mentioned a fifth time... Lord of Hogwarts (*Eyeroll*) obviously it's mentioned a lot and doesn't need to be included in every chapter, it also doesn't need to be mentioned to the students at Hogwarts, they are not your audience, your audience is your readers. Married at 20 Y/O is unnecessary, who cares when they were married? Him being called Lord Ravenclaw should also imply that he is married to Selene... Today he is 1010 years old... Using numbers instead of words is lazy, though I do it myself. This wordiness never ends and makes reading your fic painful. I don't need to be told every single bit of information, most of it should be inferred (Thought of or worked out by yourself) and not rammed into someone's brain via words. Writing is good because a majority of it is up to the imagination, if you are too specific or 'wordy' it makes it much harder to imagine what's happening. Dialogue between characters shouldn't be a paragraph long, do you let someone just stand there and belt a storm of words at your face for a minute? It just comes off as unnatural if you have a 90-word long speech as dialogue. I don't quite have a better way to convey the wordiness, maybe watch stand-up comedy and look at how trimmed their stories are? Comedians don't include useless information in their story's as that makes them un-palatable. Anything that should be guessed or implicitly understood shouldn't be so obviously stated in the story... Sorry if this is explained poorly, I don't know how to better put it into words. Feel free to message me or reply to this comment if you want to talk a bit about wordiness.

Zero_619Lv5
AkkikuroLv13
Kibbinz32145Lv3
Related Stories

Game of Thrones: The Legend of Jon Arctic – ASOIAF/GOT GOT

Jon Snow, a boy destined for a life of contempt by almost everyone around him, but a divine intervention can change everything. The boy who will pave the way to build the most powerful nation in the world. I crafted this story with a focus on the creation of a kingdom, battles, economy, navigation, and exploration of the entire universe of Planetos, with a central character in mind. Am I wealthy? The Stormlands, Dorne, the Reach, and the Westerlands all want to establish trade agreements with me. And the East? I have trade agreements with Braavos, Pentos, Myr, Tyrosh, Lys, and Volantis. I can negotiate with everyone in Essos, except in the Slaver's Bay after I stole 100,000 chained men from them. So, do you have enemies in Essos? About that? I indeed have quite a few. I started by stealing slaves from them, then raised a khalasar and began a bloodbath in the Dothraki Sea for fun. I was even named a Khal in Vaes Dothrak. Not to mention, the last time I went to Essos, I toppled the Titan's statue in Braavos. They wanted to stop me from destroying the House of Black and White. That day wasn't very pleasant for the Braavosi. Wow, and the kingdoms below the Wall? The Wall? It no longer exists; I brought it down a while ago. I took the North as part of my kingdom and left the South of the Neck to the Southerners. They tried to reclaim the kingdom, but now the Southerners tremble when they feel my armies on their lands. I've personally killed one or two of their kings. Really? Yes, ask what's left of Oldtown. I would answer, it turned to ashes. Lannisport? I burned it. Casterly Rock? It's at the bottom of the sea. The Twins? I blew up the entire place. King's Landing? The city is standing, but the Red Keep is history. -------------------------------------------- This Fanfic's Schedule for the week, updates on: Sunday, Tuesday and Friday. ---------------------------------------------- With gratitude and enthusiasm, Raccoon! And your raccoon welcomes you to the Raccoon League! An exploration across different universes, be prepared for adventure! With over 1 million words published! ---- Current explorations: One Piece: I am a Different Luffy! (7 Chapters/Week) Danmachi: Infinite Mana System! (3 Chapters/Week) Game of Thrones: The Legend of Jon Artica! (3 Chapters/Week) Naruto: Light Ninja! (3 Chapters/Week) Naruto: Minato Namikase SI! (3 Chapters/Week) The Witcher: As Uchiha Madara! (3 Chapters/Week) HP: Shadow Monarch! (3 Chapters/Week) Game of Thrones: DragonBorn! (1 Chapter/Week) ---- Explore the Unexplored! Become an exclusive supporter on Patreon and unlock advanced chapters -> RaccoonLeague | Patreon https://www.patreon.com/RaccoonLeague

RaccoonLeague · Book&Literature
4.6
208 Chs