Your writing on dialogue of a disaster, it feels like a meme. "ofc bloody snow, certainly quiet wolf!" the same for "xx from house xx". So, your story is slowly transforming into a skiping one, the ones you overview and then check a few things and then the next one. The issue is your writing and some decisions that make no sense, making this not relatable at all. At the same time it doesn't have the "serious" feeling this kind of series should have, so this is getting old real quick. My recommendation would be to read more and keep track of interesting dialogues to add to your vocabulary. The story (plot and new stuff etc) is really good for me, that is interesting. If you improve your writing it could go far in this site. Perhaps a few more challenging ones once you Edit all the chapters and make them good/competitive. IF that is your goal at all, if not ignore all this rambling, if you are just doing this for fun and you give zero phoks then my comment serves no purpose. I wouldn't recommend this with high expectations. Proceed at your own peril. (I will read tho)
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