webnovel
WhiteDevil
WhiteDevilLv63yr
2021-09-11 17:54

Update pace seems quite consistent. Writing quality is okay, good grammar. Info dumps feel random and stuff gets repeated. There's little foreshadowing and some stuff feels like they just spontaneously got added on. There's a bit of inconsistency on what MC says and does. But I guess dat could boil down to the unreliable narrator conundrum as the story is being told from a first person perspective. MC can't seem to make up his mind on what he really wants. MC wants to preserve the story but at the same time goes around screwing with the story. He wants to be a mob character and not attract any attention but at the same time wants to be at the same power as the story's MC. World Background is meh, seems typical nothing out of the ordinary. One of the things that really irked me was how it was mentioned that orcs, elves and dwarves are refugees, and yet once they come to dis world they just become observers and don't join strength with humans to fight off demons. Even though they witnessed first hand da ferociousness of the demons as their world got conquered by them. Why? Well some reasons were given from each race dat I found very irrational but the most prominent was the dwarves reasons. It's said because dwarves were disgusted seeing humans' technology level dey distanced themselves from the humans. But here's where it breaks down, all three foreign races are allied with each other. The dwarves who were so disgusted by the technology level of humans seem to have no qualms with allying with the orcs. Well this world is really the MC's world and it was mentioned several times how bad of an author he is. But dis is still the background of the world and it's quite irking as it makes little sense

Liked by 100 people

LIKE
Replies27
Entrail_JI
Entrail_JIAuthor

Alright, I am back 2.0 This time, I am no longer butthurt. Thank you for your review. Yea, your points make sense. I am going to take some time either next week or next month depending on how busy I am to rewrite the whole of the first 40 chapters which are full of holes, info dumps, contradictions. The very first 40 chapters or so make it very obvious that I am new at this. I definitely have improved a lot since than, but yeah, I think that the very first 40 chapters have a lot of irregularities that may ruin the story for some people. Its sort of like a novel where you just have to shut your brain off to understand. If you overthink too much, yea, it becomes painfully obvious how many flaws there are. Once again thank you for the review P.S. also, sorry for before again. I am not usually like that, was just in a bad mood and took it out on you. Realized my mistake later that's why I apologized. Was very ashamed of my behavior. Still am.

WhiteDevil
WhiteDevilLv6

all good, u r a cool dude

Entrail_JI:Alright, I am back 2.0 This time, I am no longer butthurt. Thank you for your review. Yea, your points make sense. I am going to take some time either next week or next month depending on how busy I am to rewrite the whole of the first 40 chapters which are full of holes, info dumps, contradictions. The very first 40 chapters or so make it very obvious that I am new at this. I definitely have improved a lot since than, but yeah, I think that the very first 40 chapters have a lot of irregularities that may ruin the story for some people. Its sort of like a novel where you just have to shut your brain off to understand. If you overthink too much, yea, it becomes painfully obvious how many flaws there are. Once again thank you for the review P.S. also, sorry for before again. I am not usually like that, was just in a bad mood and took it out on you. Realized my mistake later that's why I apologized. Was very ashamed of my behavior. Still am.
Yuuki123
Yuuki123Lv6

you know that you giving him book that telling about world mc is bad because with this your mc will obsessed to make story go to how he created it, although it's only about 10 minutes but then he can alter it that can alterations became reality although it have some limitations, but in the end it's making your mc more obsessed to make his story stay at how he created them

Entrail_JI:Alright, I am back 2.0 This time, I am no longer butthurt. Thank you for your review. Yea, your points make sense. I am going to take some time either next week or next month depending on how busy I am to rewrite the whole of the first 40 chapters which are full of holes, info dumps, contradictions. The very first 40 chapters or so make it very obvious that I am new at this. I definitely have improved a lot since than, but yeah, I think that the very first 40 chapters have a lot of irregularities that may ruin the story for some people. Its sort of like a novel where you just have to shut your brain off to understand. If you overthink too much, yea, it becomes painfully obvious how many flaws there are. Once again thank you for the review P.S. also, sorry for before again. I am not usually like that, was just in a bad mood and took it out on you. Realized my mistake later that's why I apologized. Was very ashamed of my behavior. Still am.
Entrail_JI
Entrail_JIAuthor

Fair point, but what's wrong with him wanting the plotline to remain the same. MC personality is that of someone who likes to have control of everything. If something changes that doesn't fit his ideal he will change it so that it will fit his ideal That's the type of character he is. It's more about his personality. Plus if the plotline changes so will the book.

Yuuki123:you know that you giving him book that telling about world mc is bad because with this your mc will obsessed to make story go to how he created it, although it's only about 10 minutes but then he can alter it that can alterations became reality although it have some limitations, but in the end it's making your mc more obsessed to make his story stay at how he created them
Yuuki123
Yuuki123Lv6

if I not wrong he didn't know the ending right? so with him being so fixated to plot line is weird. and generally I didn't like how he behave he thinks something but do another thing that contradicting.

Entrail_JI:Fair point, but what's wrong with him wanting the plotline to remain the same. MC personality is that of someone who likes to have control of everything. If something changes that doesn't fit his ideal he will change it so that it will fit his ideal That's the type of character he is. It's more about his personality. Plus if the plotline changes so will the book.
Entrail_JI
Entrail_JIAuthor

It's precisely because he doesn't know the ending that he is trying to keep the plotline intact. If he changes it, what if the demon lord that will attack in 5 yearssuddenly attacks in 2? And what if his method of attacking is different from the storyline? That would mean certified death If he doesn't interfere he at least knows exactly when he attacks and how. this way he can come up with countermeasures. Also regarding the contradicting stuff, I think you are probably referring to when he is using the skill [Monarch indifference] right? If so, then yes it is contradicting his logic because, under that skill, his usually state of mind doesn't exist. He thinks differently. If it's not what you mean, than please point it out and I'll try my best to either explain it or fix it. This is my train of thought, feel free to disagree. Everyone has different opinions after all

Yuuki123:if I not wrong he didn't know the ending right? so with him being so fixated to plot line is weird. and generally I didn't like how he behave he thinks something but do another thing that contradicting.
Aeser
AeserLv5

Have you rewrite it ready? cause I'm planning on waiting for you to do it first

Entrail_JI:Alright, I am back 2.0 This time, I am no longer butthurt. Thank you for your review. Yea, your points make sense. I am going to take some time either next week or next month depending on how busy I am to rewrite the whole of the first 40 chapters which are full of holes, info dumps, contradictions. The very first 40 chapters or so make it very obvious that I am new at this. I definitely have improved a lot since than, but yeah, I think that the very first 40 chapters have a lot of irregularities that may ruin the story for some people. Its sort of like a novel where you just have to shut your brain off to understand. If you overthink too much, yea, it becomes painfully obvious how many flaws there are. Once again thank you for the review P.S. also, sorry for before again. I am not usually like that, was just in a bad mood and took it out on you. Realized my mistake later that's why I apologized. Was very ashamed of my behavior. Still am.
Entrail_JI
Entrail_JIAuthor

I only rewrote 10 chaps, and I've not uploaded them yet because they don't connect to the rest of the chaps. so 10/40 It might take a month to completely rewrite since im busy updating 2 chaps a day too and have university to attend. ...if you can wait that long, ill try my best to improve the quality within a month time so that it becomes more enjoyable

Aeser:Have you rewrite it ready? cause I'm planning on waiting for you to do it first
Aeser
AeserLv5

ya I'd wait, I have a lot of novels in line so it's no problem

Entrail_JI:I only rewrote 10 chaps, and I've not uploaded them yet because they don't connect to the rest of the chaps. so 10/40 It might take a month to completely rewrite since im busy updating 2 chaps a day too and have university to attend. ...if you can wait that long, ill try my best to improve the quality within a month time so that it becomes more enjoyable
Kokushibou
KokushibouLv4

Sooo, how much is done?

Entrail_JI:I only rewrote 10 chaps, and I've not uploaded them yet because they don't connect to the rest of the chaps. so 10/40 It might take a month to completely rewrite since im busy updating 2 chaps a day too and have university to attend. ...if you can wait that long, ill try my best to improve the quality within a month time so that it becomes more enjoyable
Entrail_JI
Entrail_JIAuthor

still 10 lol. I'm way too busy writing. I'm not sure when I'll finish. If you want you can try now, but there are some parts that are hard to read. It's not terrible, but it can be better .

Kokushibou:Sooo, how much is done?
Dewi_1412
Dewi_1412Lv13

I get why some people want the first 40 chapters to be rewritten, but honestly I don't mind even if you don't rewrite them. Although there are quite a few info dumps here and there. It did not bother me that much and it actually helped me understand things better. After a bid of info dumping, you would always make sure to get back to the main point and I like that. What I also really like is that I can see your writing improving by leaps and bounds and you growing as an author. So, don't be too hard on yourself. If you want to rewrite the chapters then take your time doing so. There is no need to rush and make sure not to overwork youself. So, take a break every now and then. I just want to say how much I love and appreciate your work. Even though it always hurts to wait for the next chapter every day. It's worth the wait and the pain. Thank you for your hard work author!

Entrail_JI:still 10 lol. I'm way too busy writing. I'm not sure when I'll finish. If you want you can try now, but there are some parts that are hard to read. It's not terrible, but it can be better .
Ace20
Ace20Lv14

Funny enough thats the exact opposite

Yuuki123:you know that you giving him book that telling about world mc is bad because with this your mc will obsessed to make story go to how he created it, although it's only about 10 minutes but then he can alter it that can alterations became reality although it have some limitations, but in the end it's making your mc more obsessed to make his story stay at how he created them
astra_69
astra_69Lv12

Hello mr. author, any updates on the rewrite?

Entrail_JI:still 10 lol. I'm way too busy writing. I'm not sure when I'll finish. If you want you can try now, but there are some parts that are hard to read. It's not terrible, but it can be better .
CharonCR
CharonCRLv12

Did you started to read? Are the chapters rewritten?

astra_69:Hello mr. author, any updates on the rewrite?
DaoistCrMNP6
DaoistCrMNP6Lv1

hmmm

gosha
goshaLv13

Very good.The story is great the MC is great the SC are good The action is great.9/10 imo.keep up the good work

VayneLv7
VayneLv7Lv14

True

Entrail_JI:Fair point, but what's wrong with him wanting the plotline to remain the same. MC personality is that of someone who likes to have control of everything. If something changes that doesn't fit his ideal he will change it so that it will fit his ideal That's the type of character he is. It's more about his personality. Plus if the plotline changes so will the book.
Blood_Fiend69
Blood_Fiend69Lv2

In all fair thought, I believe you should give the novel a 2nd chance, I know the Mc may be dull and maybe stupid too but, I assure, if you read far enough everything you are questioning will be answer and his resolution too. 😉

Lord_Eggie
Lord_EggieLv1

I'll wait. Please keep posting the progress. You have to understand the importance of first-impression. If you keep adding floors with a shaky foundation then it'll crumble sooner or later. Sincerely!

Entrail_JI:still 10 lol. I'm way too busy writing. I'm not sure when I'll finish. If you want you can try now, but there are some parts that are hard to read. It's not terrible, but it can be better .
Other Reviews
Related Stories

The Witch Hunter System

Dual cultivation isn't a choice; it's a necessity. After being struck by a truck like most lucky protagonists (or unlucky ones), Vaan found himself transmigrated into the body of an orphan in the world of witches and demons. However, they didn't always exist. Demons terrorized the world ever since the Gehenna Realm descended over 300 years ago. but along with them, came mana, giving birth to witches to combat these demons. Since then, the world of men was dominated by witches, establishing the seven witch kingdoms, which safeguards at the forefront of the demon invasion. In order to survive in the matriarchal society of the witch kingdoms, Vaan, like all other men who cannot use magic, had to learn how to service the witches to survive. Nevertheless, it did not come without its own benefits. Years of research have led the world to the discovery of intimacy between men and women could increase the witches' mana absorption. But at the same time, men could absorb some of this mana to improve their physique and lifespan. Thus, since then, an intricate relationship was formed between men and witches in the red-light districts. Love became casual, and dual cultivation is common. As a prodigy in the art of pleasing women, Vaan lived a smooth two years since his transmigration as an orphan. However, everything came crashing down in a heartbeat one day when his life was nearly taken, and Lady Eniwse whom he served went berserk. Even so, that was not the end. With the awakening of the Witch Hunter System, watch how Vaan takes on the world and becomes the lord of witches. ===== Genre: [Mature Content] [R-18] [Smut] [Magic] [Witches] [Demons] [Spirits] [Dragons] [Beasts] [Reincarnation] [Adventure] [Action] [Mystery] [Academy] [Weak-to-Strong] [Scheming MC] [Harem] [System] [Servants] [Slaves] [Smart MC] [Alchemy] [Forging] [Misunderstandings] [Game Elements] [Kingdom-Building] [Overpowered MC] ===== Note: Contains lemons. Hunting witches does not necessarily imply killing witches, if you know what I mean ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ===== Feel free to join the discord for novel discussion or grab the novel update role to be notified as soon as new chapters are released in the link below; https://discord.gg/9SUWMPZ ===== My other novels; First novel: Prime Originator (Shared Universe) Second novel: I am a Notorious Boss in the Alternate World (Shared Universe) =====

Pointbreak · Fantasy
4.5
1035 Chs

Reborn As Noble

Reborn as Javier De Armand, the youngest son of a lower rank noble household, former salaryman Nakamura Junichi faces a world of privilege, chaos, and responsibility.From his earliest days as a baby to his rise as a formidable adult, Javier’s life is anything but simple., Javier must navigate the expectations of noble society while pursuing his own freedom and dreams. As he grows, he learns that nobility comes with its burdens—managing territories, forging alliances, defending against enemies, and earning the respect of both his peers and the commoners he vows to protect. But life as a noble is no fairy tale. Rival families scheme for power, enemy threaten the borders, and kingdoms teeter on the brink of war. Being the youngest son places Javier in a unique position. Neither the heir nor the spare, he must carve out his own role within his family and society. With his sharp mind, decisive personality, and memories of his past life, Javier takes on challenges that many would shy away from.Recruit allies and build his own influence, carefully balancing his desire for independence with the duties expected of him as a noble. Along the way, he must navigate family dynamics, political challenges, and his ambition to leave a lasting mark on this fantastical world. In a realm where strength, wit, and cunning reign supreme, Javier's journey blends humor, slice-of-life moments, and lighthearted chaos as he crafts his own destiny while keeping those closest to him by his side.

JakkuSen · Fantasy
Not enough ratings
197 Chs

Primordial Chaos Dragon Tower: Harem System

[Warning: Adult content 18+. Extreme Smut every 10 - 20 chapters] "What, I have received two SSS-Ranked skills? Tower, show me." [Skill Name: Divine Pervert Touch] [Skill Name: 10,000 Ways of Pleasure Manual] --- Kent was a handsome human male who, for some reason, couldn't get his d*ck to stand up, nor was he able to feel pleasure. He lived his entire life full of regret and hatred. Knowing his days wouldn't get any better as time passed by. He chose to become an adult movie director, where he got to see things up close and earn handsomely for his professionalism. (He couldn't get his dick up, so no weirdness on set...Lol) Then he was killed, and his soul was sucked into the realm of Hatred and Resentment. Everything changed for him from there on. He received a Celestial Grade Inheritance Tower, which granted him access to an Overpower Harem System. He also received a goodly body with a full 9 inches divine rod. But that wasn't for free... He was assigned a mission to kill the god of alchemy by the goddess of hatred and resentment. Of course, he must make the goddess his first harem member as the requirement for his first challenge. After a whole year of sex and pleasure, he got his wish. Then, he was sent to start his journey as a cultivator with a haram system and two SSS-Ranked skills. With Women waiting for his rescue and a goddess who grants his every wish, Kent began his journey with the divine rod that would be used to make women happy. A journey full of blood, pain, and Pleasure... ============ No NTR No Yuri ============ Join The Discord Server: https://discord.gg/REJyJYqU

Pen_Drop · Fantasy
4.8
196 Chs