nothing much really happens, its practically a diary not a novel and is 80 percent inner monologue. its like I'm reading someone talking about themselfs constantly and the never shut up or have anything important to say that involves the story.
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LIKEI'm not trying to discourage you or anything, I genuinely thought that if you cut out 50 percent of the not needed monologue and focused more on whats happening in the moment of the story, plot development and character and relationship development youd have a much better story. for instance the weapons master is supposed to be emotionally undeveloped and in any good story would need courting in some form or fashion, showing an interest in her as a woman or at least somthing to break down her emotional guard would have been welcome but we don't really get that and women are just naturally interested in him for whatever reason and he can't even sort out his own thoughts on the matter. overall he doesn't want a harem, then he does. he doesn't want a loving relationship then he does but says he can't because he needs to have a harem, it just goes on and on in an infuriating cycle of denial, acceptance then denial again mixed with an excuse then some stupid reason on why he was being too indecisive, the mc just makes up excuses on why he shouldn't do something he obviously wants to do, instead of just doing it and living with the consequences good or bad.
all in all I hope you take into account some of my suggestions because I do believe you have some talent in writing but but a lack of direction in terms of dialogue between two or more people. I wish you the best in the future and hope you can improve because I believe you can 😊
Yes, in later chapters I have already eliminated most of the internal dialogue, I have focused on the interactions between characters and I justify the attitude of the MC. I am currently trying to improve the quality of my writing.
Thanks for the comments, I like to receive suggestions and criticisms since they allow me to improve <3