webnovel
Cosinus
CosinusLv153yr
2021-05-09 18:46

Simple is better! Do not use big words and verbs in tenses that don't make sense! Even a comma can stop the flow of the story, and here it does. Please stop using big words just to show your vocabulary! It makes the story so hard to read. Cut the words that are put there to fill the page. It is a wonderful story with amazing potential but the writer has to realize that a phrase has rhythm. You block that rhythm with complicated words, commas that are missplaced or verbs in tenses that make no sense. A story is like a river. It has parts where it rages - that is where the reader gets to read faster, action is at the peak and you just want to know more! At the same time the river has parts where it is calm. Here the reader feels like wrapped in a cocoon of fluffy words. The immersion in the story happens here because this leads to the action! so please try harder.

Liked by 46 people

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Replies6
HideousGrain
HideousGrainAuthor

Thank you for your review :D. I'm still trying to become better and its pretty obvious that my writing style/experience is still shallow compared to professional authors. With comments/reviews like yours I can always improve and see what flaws I have, which I can't really see from the Author perspective(Also because its an foreign language :D) Thanks a lot!

Cosinus
CosinusLv15

English is my second language as well. I train in it by reading a lot in English (books, articles, comics, whatever I get my hand on) by watching movies with no subtitles. But reading is absolutely necessary to become a better writer. I read a lot of books written by American or English writers in that language. I applaud your efforts, your imagination and your courage! If you live what you do you will want to get better! So good luck and work hard! I will continue reading and giving feedback! [img=update]

HideousGrain:Thank you for your review :D. I'm still trying to become better and its pretty obvious that my writing style/experience is still shallow compared to professional authors. With comments/reviews like yours I can always improve and see what flaws I have, which I can't really see from the Author perspective(Also because its an foreign language :D) Thanks a lot!
Drunken_Scholar111
Drunken_Scholar111Lv2

bit harsh but true

Cosinus
CosinusLv15

Feedback is always a blow. Even with the best of intentions the one that receives the feedback will feel attacked. It is normal but it is also a way to grow. I chose to be direct - even if it seems harsh - because it is way simpler to express what I thought about the writing.

Drunken_Scholar111:bit harsh but true
Cosinus
CosinusLv15

Feedback is always a blow. Even with the best of intentions the one that receives the feedback will feel attacked. It is normal but it is also a way to grow. I chose to be direct - even if it seems harsh - because it is way simpler to express what I thought about the writing.

Drunken_Scholar111:bit harsh but true
Karthik_Damera
Karthik_DameraLv3

yes i feel exactly the same!

Other Reviews
HideousGrain
HideousGrainAuthor

This is my second review and I´ve currently released about 100 chapters before I even realized it. Time passed so fast, I want to clarify a few things that might have annoyed some readers or caused them to cringe :3 The following list might also help new readers to decide whether to read the story or not. 1. My native language is not English and unfortunately, my grammar and vocabulary are not perfect [Sorry for that] It might happen that the chapters from 1-60~ have some minor plot-holes/slightly weird character development and the reason for this is quite simple. I started to write this novel without any prior writing experience and in a foreign language at that. If you can´t bear to read a few grammar mistakes and minor overall mistakes it will be quite difficult for you to binge read or follow me on my journey. 2. There were some readers that couldn´t help but lament about the MC´s cringe-worthy behavior because he is emotional… Jason is a youth, barely 14 years old, and had to endure a tuff past… character development shouldn´t be over in a single chapter, right? Furthermore, due to his young age, he might act childish sometimes, even though he is used to behave like he already matured. 3. I’m sure that the MC will not have a Harem, but most likely a future romance sub-plot. 4. My Novel´s name is [God´s Eyes] but in the end, there are also other aspects, helping him to grow stronger. 5. The world our MC lives in is labeled “High-Fantasy” for a reason, please don’t try to use normal physical laws, even though I´m trying to make it a little bit realistic. 6. The story is unique, yet slow-paced and I did my best to improve my writing quality/style and every critique previously stated, but in the end, I´m just doing it as a hobby, because it´s exciting and interesting. I gave myself 4 stars because I see that I can improve myself further and I hope everyone will give it a try :3 Thanks for reading the review <3

MadHatter0_o
MadHatter0_oLv3

This is less of a review, more of a first impression as I have read 20+ chapters while writing it. So my opinion might be incomplete. I apologize if something like that happens and would like others to correct me. I would like to start by thanking the author for his hard work and for such an amazing story. It has been quite a long time since I have read a web/light novel with a grounded and realistic MC as well as a well-built world setting. The story started with brief background information on how it all started and necessary information about different levels. It was a nice touch and magnificently done. I liked the temperament of MC. He is intelligent yet has the thought process of 13 years old. He is responsible but doesn't give the feeling of an old man in a young boy's body. His reaction to gaining his sight back, his way to deal with money, or his reaction to his current situation is all realistic, at least as realistic as it can be in a fantasy world. He is not like a typical LN/WN MC who thinks "I am gonna murder this guy's three-generation because he disrespected me by making fun of me" not is he a pushover. He handled his situation like a mature person with a hint of teenage flair (talking about that Middle-finger scene). Overall he is a pretty likable character. The magic system seems pretty simple and easy to follow. I don't have to check again and again which level is after what. The world setting is good so far, not too confusing. The pacing of the story is good so far. It is not going too slow or too fast. But I think there is some space to improve regarding these topics. So far I have talked about the good things of the story. Now let's talk about the things that can be improved. First thing, Proofreading. The story is mostly well written. But there are quite a few mistakes in grammar and sentence making that could have been avoided with a more round of checking. The number and frequency are not that high but still, it hinders the immersion. Next, supporting character development. If first 22 chapter is any indication, I think the author should spend a bit more time developing supporting/minor characters. We have only 1 noticeable supporting character till chapter 23 and it's Greg. He is hinted to be a main supporting cast and good friend of MC. But do we know anything about him other than he is rich and talented? We don't know anything about Greg as a person or feel connected to him. If it is solved in the latter part of the story then it's ok. However, I think it should have been much sooner. The world-building and background description are also much to be desired. For example, it helps the readers to visualize if you give a brief description of the Room MC is living in or the market and its shops when he went out shopping. Maybe a bit more description about people and environment when he went out for the first time after his sight was back. this would have helped us feel connected to the MC more. This part is some selfish request as a reader. Please keep the MC realistic and relatable like this. Don't make him like a thousand other MC whose improvement doesn't follow any logic or common sense. I am still miffed about that 120 points in the practical exam. MC has been blind and malnourished throughout his all life. Moreover, He doesn't exercise or haven't practiced the practical part at all. Suddenly 5 days after getting his sight back, He is using martial arts routine accurately and smoothly. And in these 5 days, he had to gather mana for the exam, learn how to read and write, prepare for the theoretical part of the exam and go out sightseeing. It is almost physically impossible for him to do this properly, no matter how easy the routine was. The craziest part is he got more points than Greg who is practicing longer than MC, has better development, and seems like a genius in martial arts. Please don't do things like this. Don't throw logic out of the window to bring sudden growth to MC or sudden character development. Please introduce a romantic interest but not a harem please. we have more than enough harem plot on this site. what we are lacking is a meaningful, non-harem romance. Please fill that void.

Anirudh7
Anirudh7Lv4

From the start to the recent chapters the story has flowed quite well with no jarring plots, its been written brilliantly, the world building has been done well as well but has to have a qualitative upgrade once more worlds are introduced, the human cultivation system while it might draw in readers because of the new beast system but is actually quite limiting, with barely the good soul world bearers having a chance at a high level and the rest having to accept mediocrity, body refining cultivation has now been introduced which is a good start already and with the mc being of a stronger race im guessing he'll also cultivate with that races system and bloodline which again would be a stronger system, when his bloodline awakens i hope the bloodline itself grants him a way to cultivate the way the celestia race does atleast For a book which the author says will only have about 1000 chapters we're alraedy almost 30% through with only about a year gone and no actual personality change in the mc, but just teenage growth, if the mc doesnt change much this story will somehow end up with an mc with a teenagers personality, no special personalities like being a sadist, womanizer, cold, evil,lazy, chilled out,and the chaotic good ones etc What we have is a person who nice and at best hot blooded for battle which is too basic for an mc hes basically got aside characters personality THe side charactets dont pose much attachment and are disposable in the sense the mc will leave them behind, hopefully that changes when he reaches a stronger race and makes friends Completing this story in 700 chapters kinda feels jarring, i expect multiple time skips to achieve that which i dont want to see in quick succesion, hopefully the author decides to keep taking it at a slow pace and extend the novel to about 1500 chapters atleast THe time flow needs a revamp, with the soul powers issue dealt with, and body refining being a long term thing, we dont need a day to day story, time can flow faster, if i ignore everything and just look at how at almost 300 chapters we've only had almost 1 year passing i must say its one of the world time passage sequences written, with there being no reason to have the mc start growing to the top in just a few years, and with him potentially having a long life span, the time definitely has to flow faster In essence except these minor issues to be dealt with the story itself is quite nice and has good potential the only thing to avoid i guess is an over fixation on the human race and making it reach the top, too many books have done that, and frankly books that dont focus on races to take up and focus on the mc and his companions and stuff as people more have a better plot

Ethyn_Armstrong
Ethyn_ArmstrongLv15
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