I’ll be honest I have been generous is my rating. But i want to support this novel as I find it much better then many others. I like the story, I like the fact the MC is not bloodthirty since the start and has flaws, and I like how the theory of the word has been well though. What I think that needs to be improved. Generaly the english (for a non-native) is better than many novel out there, but some passage miss a verb or we go from present to using past and it makes the reading a bit complicated. In addition the explainations of the world theory are sometimes confusing wich is sad as we can guess the author put a lot of efforts in it. The plot is a bit forced and the swich to different point of view/secondary characters without a clear introduction or cut makes the reading sometimes very difficult (but still the story is better than many out there!) The only thing that really makes me furous is to see how cluless the MC is of the world outside. I know he is a dropout but still he must has been exposed at school or home in is pre-teens to all the magical parts of his world ... right now it feels he is as clueless as the reader regarding magic wich is in my point of view absolutely not normal and possible. This makes the MC looks stupid sometimes and I found it irritating. Keep going author! Writing is not easy! I wish your success.
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I really appreciate every word you've written. It's such a heartwarming thing that you care so much about this novel, thank you a lot. As for the points you've made, I'll seriously take them into consideration. This is the first time someone mentions the problem with tenses, and I'll seriously try to focus on this aspect. I hope that everything gets clearer as the story goes as Arthur learns new things. I've already stopped the change in POVs, only using them when I want to explain the protagonist's actions from a different perspective. Thank you so much for the review, really.
Hey Mellow guy, Just to let you know that the latest chapter are nice, you have really improved in writing your story! May be you should think about editing your early chapter (if it is not already done) to reduce the dropout rate and I am sure you’ll rise the rank. If you do so, please notify me, I’ll take the time to write a new better review. Btw, keep up with the release consistancy as this is a key to success. Other point, I was thinking that you have quite a lot of things going on at the same tIme this early in the story. Maybe you can still dedicate some chapters (or part of it) to write a bit about it, like you did before but with clear cut/introduction and a style that don’t go too much in details. Something like you show an important discussion to keep the consistency with your writing style, then you sumerise the things that goes around it to keep that pace high and go back to our cherished MC. Sorry I am not sure I am clear 😅 Cheers!
Hi Heliard! It's always great to hear your opinions and suggestions. Since today is a Friday, I'll follow your advice to edit the early chapters. I think the style has improved now and I want to work to get the same quality for all the chapters. Can you explain the last paragraph, though? I'm confused a bit about what you mean.
Hello MellowGuy! Basicaly, you have a lot of things going at the same time in your story. They involves characters I want to know more, and I am often wondering what is happening to them (e.g. Arthur’s brother), or sometimes I realise I even forget about some of them even if I liked the few chapters about them (like the club mates of Arthur). I was thinking that you could make this people (the relevent ones) appear a little bit more often in the story, via Arthur (normal way) or via some very short glims of sides stories (no Arthur around). These sides stories would be short and very clearly introduce to not confused/frustrate us, readers. My last suggestion looks like a bit what we did not enjoy at the begining (abrupt change of point of view) but I think if you do it smartly and clearly it could increase the world/character development. Note that these small glims could be “slice of life” style and not plot related. Actually in the past few chapters, just before the final of the competition you have been addressing some of the side stories so I feel less frustrated 😉 Good luck with the story 💪 Keep us posted with the editing, I’ll write a new review when you have done it. Happy new year in advance!
This cleared so many doubts I had, really. I always liked the side-stories in other novel and wanted to do the same. I'm glad you liked them too. It's really hard to keep everyone in the story relevant as more and more characters pop up, but I'm trying my best to do so. As for the editing, it will take a while because of my college and stuff. I'll still remember to comment here when I'm done with it.
About the many characters problem. I have realised that a lot of very successful novel have a very low number of relevant characters. An dI think it is made to be easy for the author to write and the people to follow the story. But sometimes it is not possible and when the story have a lot of side characters, most of the authors use some tricks to make some of them desapear or others busy with their own things or to run an errand for the MC so we don’t expect them to appear for the next chapters. Not if this helps, I am definitely not a skilled writter haha
No it definitely helps. I don't think I'm a skillful writer either lol. I also realized this but through out two volumes, the characters kinda stacked? So that's why I have some issues keeping everyone in the picture.
