webnovel
Gr3yps
Gr3ypsLv115yr
2019-10-19 08:07

I'mma be honest first 3 or so chapters were really good and I was excited for the rest. The writing quality could be a little better but I'm just being a little bit picky. However I feel like everything when he got to the highschool was just not that good though. For example "the big breasted beauty" ok fine if you were just talking about her breasts... whatever; Not every other time you are talking about her though! It just comes across as lazy. Also, don't make a girl get a crush on him from walking in the room it's kinda awkward. I get that you may like anime but the mc speaks interchangeably different languages and you didn't translate ecchi to pervert or something similar? Sorry I don't want to be too harsh. I'll still read it as well. But the writing makes the girls seem very 2 dimensional and just not very interesting. I don't want to try to tell you what to do but at least in my opinion the story would be much more compelling and interesting if you made the girls less like the 2d cutouts in bad harem anime. Finally this is not super important but Is the MC black? I mean I assumed so since he was one of the first humans. Not to be racist or anything but almost no one in Japan is black so usually it would usually be noted in a Japanese girls internal thoughts. Is that why everyone comments on how black his hair and eyes are? I don't usually post criticism but I liked the story at the start so I wanted to give my 2 cents.

The Immortal Mutant Teen

AinzOolGown0601
4.5
118 Chs

Liked by 7 people

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Replies1
AinzOolGown0601
AinzOolGown0601Author

thanks , this is the kind of feedback i need to improve my writing. i also agree with what you have said, i have noticed my characters are lacking more depth and ill work on it. also maybe i didn't mention it but Acheron is more on the white side, with a healthy tan, i may have low key emphasized it when i said he looked like a viking, ill try to show this more in the upcoming chapters

5yr
4
Other Reviews
AinzOolGown0601
AinzOolGown0601Author

Shameless author here, this is my first novel, i hope you guys like it. Any serious reviews will be much appreciated, ill try to meet your expectations the best i can, i wont make them a priority tho, its my novel after all.

5yr

CH33KL4PP3R69
CH33KL4PP3R69Lv4

Honestly, I can't help but give this a one hundred percent 5 star review because this is just that good. I mean it has awesome characters and an amazing concept for a story. I myself personally have grown numb to the amount of OP protagonists that are always so fucking dark I mean, don't get me wrong I love those but this is just a nice refreshing change of pace for once. You can tell that the story doesn't take itself too seriously all the time which usually Boggs down a lot of stories. But this has a happy go lucky vibe throughout so that makes the moments where it hits you with something truly tragic or ****ed up it's a lot more impactful.

5yr
AVi
AViLv4

Personaly it's the best novel i have probably read so far and i have read a lot... I realy recomend it. It has wresh, new story. The the emotional detail is realy something. If you want to quit at first school part just read a bit more you won't regret it.

5yr
Royal_Lurkers
Royal_LurkersLv4

Historian must be really lazy to not discover MC whose not hiding at all and doing high profile things. Anways... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I am the exp of my sword. webnovel is my body, and exp is my blood. I have created over a thousand useless review. Unknown to death, nor known to life. Have withstood pain to create many reviews. Yet, those hands will never hold anything. So, as I pray...Unlimited Exp Works!.

5yr
GGMissFortune
GGMissFortuneLv6

overrated trash. skips a whole lot of possible content (plot, world-building and character development of MC) while jumping straight into an uninspired high school rom-com setting where the *mysterious* MC can bully idiot rich kids

5yr
theneth
thenethLv1

I’ve read enough to qualify for a review. So far, the protagonist seems stupid and oblivious to the world he literally has more experience in than any other being alive! Also, the characters seem like extras. Reading a story should make you believe that character is real, but it seems to me like they are only there to make the protagonist seem cooler/badass. Additionally, the plot is a bit . . . stupid. The protagonist makes dumb decisions and the plot seems suited in his favor. Fights happen just because, and the author keeps forgetting they’re in a school. The protagonist based high school off of an anime, which is subordinate recommended. It’s silly in my opinion. The writing is sluggish and dull, and it seems as if it’s being rushed through. Overall, the only time I’d recommend this is if you like dumb characters and world building, or dumb plots that revolve around the character.

4yr
TheMothMan
TheMothManLv5

I must say it's good, a very nice story and I'll be looking forward to how it develops further. Now to reach the 140 words needed. All my devotion betrayed I am no longer afraid I was too blinded to see How much you've stolen from me You want to know why I feel so horrified I let my innocence die You want to know why I can't be pacified You made me bury something I won't be sleeping tonight I only wanted a blessing made Now I've been labeled a renegade It seems so clear now what I must do You're no immortal, I won't let them Deify you They view you as the new messiah Deify you Renew belief in some demented man You want to know why It seems the passion has died We've all been living this lie You want to know why my Will's been fortified You made me hunger again Good luck sleeping tonight I only wanted a blessing made Now I've been labeled a renegade It seems so clear now what I must do You're no immortal, I won't let them Deify you They view you as the new messiah Deify you Renew belief in some demented man All my devotion betrayed I am no longer afraid All my devotion betrayed I am no longer afraid I was too blinded to see How much you've stolen from me I was too blinded to see All my devotion betrayed I am no longer afraid I was too blinded to see How much you've stolen from me I only wanted a blessing made Now I've been labeled a renegade It seems so clear now what I must do You're no immortal, I won't let them Deify you They view you as the new messiah Deify you Renew belief in some demented man I only wanted a blessing made Now I've been labeled a renegade It seems so clear now what I must do You're no immortal, I won't let them Deify you They view you as the new messiah Deify you Renew belief in some demented man I was too blinded to see How much you've stolen from me The song has nothing to do with the story

5yr
Royal_Lurkers
Royal_LurkersLv4

I don't have much time but. I wanted to use my remaining 1% battery to express my love and passion about this novel, although mc is a bit‎‎

5yr
GonadSmasher08
GonadSmasher08Lv14

Well, the only thing i can say about this work is marvelous. There are only few novels that make me shiver when i'm reading them. Hope that this shiver will always be present when i'm reading this piece of art.

5yr
Thomas_Elliott
Thomas_ElliottLv4

i like it i like iti like iti like iti like iti like iti like iti like iti like iti like iti like iti like iti like iti like iti like iti like iti like iti like iti like iti like iti like iti like iti like iti like iti like iti like iti like iti like iti like iti like iti like iti like iti like iti like iti like iti like iti like iti like iti like iti like iti like iti like iti like iti like iti like iti like iti like iti like iti like it

5yr
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