webnovel
mooseinatreeLv154yr
2020-04-17 08:12

the thing that rlly bothers me about this novel is the inconsistency in the story and how everyone and their mothers are so gung-ho about pk-ing that its just a major turn off from the story. Like how you would skip the parts about the mc dungeoning and the spend 4-7 chapters about him getting pk-ed or mc pk-ing. the plot inconsistency is rlly bugging me out, like how you plotted out the story beforehand and then when u go to write it its nothing like the story you plotted out already, and more of just sitting down and improvising the whole thing. there was something i was rlly looking forward to later in the novel but all of a sudden getting that event pulled out from under my nose made me deduct major points from this novel. and idk about anyone else but when i read a novel about a game i like seeing the numbers, equip stats, player stats, dmg numbers and stuff like that. but having it all suddenly disappear for like 70 chapters only to have it reappear for like 2-3 chapters rlly grinds my gears(200 something chapters as of this review) most annying part is when u read the story it skips around and back like u forgot to mention something and just decided that all of a sudden it becomes canon. u cant be like "wow he just soloed a boss thats higher level than him" to all of a sudden "o hes not strong enough to take this boss on yet" inconsistency is the key if that was fixed id totally be onboard to continue reading but for now its a no for me. (** if this doesnt count as contructive criticism and gets deleted will be posting it multiple times till it doesnt)

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Other Reviews
TFHLv6
BravoEchoVictorLv4
IbuprofenLv12

Needs a tonne of work, props to the author and I wish him/her the best of luck. I must say, the first chapter was imho, freaking terrible. It was all over the place, nonsensical mish mash of all the best stuff someone could think of for a modern day mc slapped together into an abomination called Michael. I seriously could not bring myself to read another chapter, I dont say this to discourage the author, it's hard to write! I understand that it isn't easy. This book needs some serious editing and the author needs to just sit and relax a bit, your mc never has to be the everything guy! The best things about characters in novels arent their perfections but their imperfections! All their flaws make them come alive and make your readers empathise with them through their journey! The best thing you can do for your audience is to make them always think about the qualities of our creations that resonate with them! Connecting with them makes your story stand out from the rest of the monotonous garbage that litters this app. You should (If you haven't already but suggesting by the hazardous writing that feels like its come straight from your head to being published) brain storm ideas, the direction you want to go, important antagonists and/or ideas for ones to come! Major turning points in your story that will affect your mc in major ways! These sort of plot points are needed so you can have some sort of direction to love in otherwise it becomes a mess, something that becomes harder to fix the longer you go. Never start the fillings before you've conquered your outline and outlook of where you want your story to go! You may not read this but I seriously hope this helps if you do kind regards

GodharemZLv13
Hayato_ShinoharaLv10

So I know the author is extremely sensitive in hearing negative reviews, but I have to be honest. As much as the premise does to serve the fans with things they (including myself) would like (such as VRMMO concepts, Romance, Strong powers etc.) It has a very important issue of execution. From the first chapter, I can quote what others have been saying which boils down to it "being all over the place". It tells us what is going on rather than showing, but in a very loose method. It does not keep a focus and ultimately, becomes uncomfortable to read. Each chapter should have a purpose. The *flow* and *transitioning* of each sentence and paragraph should be strong and easy to follow through. What I would advise is for the author to look at *how* other authors write their books. Yes, I say "how" becasue I feel that the writing style needs to change. It can get exhausting, especially if a lot of chapters have been completed. Let's say you learned a lot from other books and finally came up with a better style – it'd take a long time to fix all of it. I understand. However, if that's the case I would get an editor to help you out. There's plenty of authors who would do that in the discord for Webnovel/RoyalRoad. For other works, I'd analyze how Sword Art Online, Rising of the Shield Hero or Library of Heaven's Path wrote their chapters and their style of conveying their messages to their audience. Plot wise, make sure when writing a scene to imagine how the readers will feel about that scene when comparing it to the *previous chapters*. For example, if the main cast fought and won against a guild of people but then suffers against several weaker hunters later on, there should be a reason *why* they are struggling in the very least, or else it will leave them confused. Overall, great job with nearly 3 million views and good luck with the rest! 👍🏻

Vayne_0688Lv2
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