webnovel
Hayato_Shinohara
Hayato_ShinoharaLv104yr
2020-02-11 14:52

So I know the author is extremely sensitive in hearing negative reviews, but I have to be honest. As much as the premise does to serve the fans with things they (including myself) would like (such as VRMMO concepts, Romance, Strong powers etc.) It has a very important issue of execution. From the first chapter, I can quote what others have been saying which boils down to it "being all over the place". It tells us what is going on rather than showing, but in a very loose method. It does not keep a focus and ultimately, becomes uncomfortable to read. Each chapter should have a purpose. The *flow* and *transitioning* of each sentence and paragraph should be strong and easy to follow through. What I would advise is for the author to look at *how* other authors write their books. Yes, I say "how" becasue I feel that the writing style needs to change. It can get exhausting, especially if a lot of chapters have been completed. Let's say you learned a lot from other books and finally came up with a better style – it'd take a long time to fix all of it. I understand. However, if that's the case I would get an editor to help you out. There's plenty of authors who would do that in the discord for Webnovel/RoyalRoad. For other works, I'd analyze how Sword Art Online, Rising of the Shield Hero or Library of Heaven's Path wrote their chapters and their style of conveying their messages to their audience. Plot wise, make sure when writing a scene to imagine how the readers will feel about that scene when comparing it to the *previous chapters*. For example, if the main cast fought and won against a guild of people but then suffers against several weaker hunters later on, there should be a reason *why* they are struggling in the very least, or else it will leave them confused. Overall, great job with nearly 3 million views and good luck with the rest! 👍🏻

Liked by 18 people

LIKE
Replies3
Hayato_Shinohara
Hayato_ShinoharaLv10

It goes without saying but hopefully if you do get an editor, the earlier chapters at least can also have better grammar so that the readers can immerse themselves easier. Overall, great job with nearly 3 million views! Best of luck. 👍🏻

LordRhyolith
LordRhyolithLv12

Yeah, I can recommend the practice to go and analyze the works of other authors that publish on amazon or like that. Books that a similar to your own are plenty available. Read the books, write down interesting sentence structures or whatever, and practice by writing short scenes (combat scenes, sexy scenes, monologues, dialogues between two enemies, etc.) It takes time to improve, but that's a given.

Klesk
KleskLv14

I actually sorta like his writing style, tho it's unreadable cuz of the holes in each and every aspect which make the Russian roads look polished and smooth. So if he manages to sketch an overall plan, and sub plans on each topic, and build upon that, so that he doesn't lose the overview... he might go with his writing style, not 💯% sure, but I think it's possible

Other Reviews
TFH
TFHLv6
BravoEchoVictor
BravoEchoVictorLv4
Ibuprofen
IbuprofenLv12

Needs a tonne of work, props to the author and I wish him/her the best of luck. I must say, the first chapter was imho, freaking terrible. It was all over the place, nonsensical mish mash of all the best stuff someone could think of for a modern day mc slapped together into an abomination called Michael. I seriously could not bring myself to read another chapter, I dont say this to discourage the author, it's hard to write! I understand that it isn't easy. This book needs some serious editing and the author needs to just sit and relax a bit, your mc never has to be the everything guy! The best things about characters in novels arent their perfections but their imperfections! All their flaws make them come alive and make your readers empathise with them through their journey! The best thing you can do for your audience is to make them always think about the qualities of our creations that resonate with them! Connecting with them makes your story stand out from the rest of the monotonous garbage that litters this app. You should (If you haven't already but suggesting by the hazardous writing that feels like its come straight from your head to being published) brain storm ideas, the direction you want to go, important antagonists and/or ideas for ones to come! Major turning points in your story that will affect your mc in major ways! These sort of plot points are needed so you can have some sort of direction to love in otherwise it becomes a mess, something that becomes harder to fix the longer you go. Never start the fillings before you've conquered your outline and outlook of where you want your story to go! You may not read this but I seriously hope this helps if you do kind regards

GodharemZ
GodharemZLv13
Vayne_0688
Vayne_0688Lv2
Related Stories

White Online

[WPC #246 - Silver Place Winner!] Since he was a child, Isaac was unable to improve his strength no matter how much he tried, like he was cursed by the Gods. One day, a massive snowstorm struck the peaceful city of Snowstar, wreaking havoc in a peaceful community. Young Isaac was wandering alone in the forest when the snowstorm struck, seeking adventures and excitement, but instead, he found something else that completely changed him and his future. Several years later, Isaac suffered an incident caused by his jealous classmates, which bedridden him for several months, but after the traumatizing experience, doctors thought that it would take him years before he could overcome his trauma, but against all odds... He overcame it in 2 weeks! Being heavily sheltered and protected by his family after the incident, Isaac's life seemed dull and kind of boring, but then... The highly anticipated VRMMORPG White Online was released. Without thinking twice, Isaac bought the cheapest VR Helmet available and entered the new world with almost zero expectations, but excited nonetheless. This is the story of Isaac Whitelock, who will rise from being a protected and weak individual to being one of the sole hopes of the entire Human race. [Connecting...] [Welcome to White Online!] [Legacies awaits you!] [Do you want to be a Legacy Carrier or Casual Player who history won't remember?] __________________ Disclaimer: Cover owned by me, made by Dini Marlina __________________ https://www.patreon.com/aesirproductions Me, alongside my friends, decided to create a novel. Please, check it out, and support if you enjoy it. I can promise, it's going to be a wild ride. ___________________ Tags: Action - Romance - Adventure - Video Games - Slice of Life - No Harem - R-18 - Yandere - VRMMORPG - Martial Arts - Comedy - Genius Protagonist - Beautiful Male Lead - Worshipped MC - Mysterious Past - Heartwarming - Cute Female Lead - Clingy Lover - Weak to Strong - Gods - Loved MC - Calm Protagonist - Rich Protagonist - Legacies - Historical - Famous Protagonist

Alekzi · Games
4.6
706 Chs

Rise of The Undead Legion

Three years ago Conquest was released, redefining virtual reality and gaming. ‘An entire world on a server. Dive in and play the RPG to end all others; explore, create, conquer. LIVE!’ It became an overnight phenomena worldwide. Dave Ruster grew up without a family to speak of, he had few friends and fewer prospects. He lives in the same small town where he graduated from high school, and works long hours at a low-paying job that barely pays for rent and the food on his table. He can’t afford college, but at least he is not out on the streets. His life is going nowhere, stuck on a treadmill. Until chance, karma, or providence, call it whatever you believe in, intervenes. Suddenly, David’s circumstances change. Injured and unable to work, he’s about to lose what little he has. His fate balances where crisis and opportunity go hand in hand. He can risk it all, seizing the opportunity to make circumstances work for him, potentially going further and higher than he ever dreamed. Or he can accept his fate and watch life from the sidelines Join Dave as he puts all his aspirations and hopes, all that he is, into the game he always wanted to play, Conquest! It will be a journey of adventure and discovery, victory and loss, as he strives to create a new future for himself, in-the-game and In Real Life. **** Story is currently being proofed by our Lord Sambraga! (chapters 54+) so please bear with the mediocre quality of writing in the first chaps, it gets much better later on!****

Biako · Games
4.7
564 Chs